Many of us are now in the process of setting goals for the next year. The best way to set goals is write them down. But, before you start setting your goals you have to be clear about what you want.

A goal has to be something you really want, not something that somebody else wants for you. It has to be specific and realistic.

Suppose that your goal is:

I would like to exercise 5 times a week.

Think about your goal. Is it achievable? Do you have the time to do this? Do you really want to exercise 5 times a week?. May be a more realistic goal could be: I will exercise 3 times a week.

Think about the reasons why you want to achieve this goal. How would you feel if you can reach your goal? Why this goal is important to you?. In the case of the goal above: do you want to exercise to feel good? To loose weight? To become more fit? What are the reasons behind your goal?

This is for me a more realistic way to set goals. To be clear inside is really important. Make a list of different areas you would like to set goals:

• Relationships
• Work
• Money
• Health, and so on

Then write at least one goal for each area after you have made yourself clear about your goal.

How to write the goal?, be specific:

• Exercise 3 times a week to loose 5 pounds a week, or
• Exercise 3 times a week to loose 15 pounds by March 2009.
  

This could be an example.

Be specific, get clear, look for the reasons you are setting the goals, write them in the present tense and relax. You do not have to know how you are going to achieve your goals, but being clear about them will lead you to take the right actions.

According to Deepak Chopra you do not have to make any effort. Get clear, write them down and eventually come back and read them . You will be surprise of how many of your goals come true. I personally don’t make any effort. I get clear, I write them down and I live my life as normally do.

I have learned that if I can’t reach any of my goals is either because I have not become clear about it or I am not ready for it.

Christmas for most people can be a stress season. For some this season is of sadness , for others is happiness.
No matter what you are going through this is an opportunity for reflection and change.

If you are going through difficulties just stop and take your time to think about your situation. Practice acceptance and surrender. Feel your pain and release your negative emotions. It is easier say it than doing it, just remember:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;

Take your time to pamper yourself: get a massage, go to the gym, walk, read a book or buy something for yourself. Be grateful for what you have.

If you are not going through difficult times, be grateful for your life and pamper yourself

You deserve the best, make yourself a priority. Take this time as an opportunity to love yourself so that you can give to others your best. Set your goals for the next year, dream high and take care of yourself.

The last lecture. If you have one lecture to give before you die what it good be?. If you are suffering from self-pity you should watch this video.

What do you think about this testimonial?

Its about how to live your life........................................

Are you feeling bad or unhappy?. We don’t usually feel great everyday. Sometimes and may be for no reason we feel sad, unhappy or depress. What can we do about it?.

Here are some tips to help you boost your mood:

• Listen to your favourite music. May be if you can , dance!!!. Moving your body will help you to change your emotions.
• Watch something funny. Laughing is important. I love my dentist because he has in his office a TV that is always on with Mr Bean’s show. So by the time I have to sit in “the chair” I am totally relax and happy.
• Make a list of good moments in your life. Remember when you were happy in the past.
• Practice meditation. Being in silence will help you to release tension and sadness.
• Go to the gym to feel good about yourself.
• Go for a walk in nature; remember that movement change your mood.
• Call a friend and go out for a coffee and talk about good times.
• Read a good book or do a hobby you been postponing
• Even write a letter to yourself, write about how you are feeling and then through the letter away.

Are moods changes constantly and we do not have to feel bad because of this. We are all human beings and sometimes emotions take over us. The best thing is to become aware of these feelings and of course do something about it.

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Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor one morning, realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment.

This is a powerful story about how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another.

Self-awareness is defines as the explicit understanding that one exist. Furthermore, it includes the concept that one exists as an individual, separate from other people, with private thoughts.

In this interesting video Hill has become aware of herself .





Is really interesting how she was able to be aware all the time instead of resisting the moment.

For many of us when it comes to money we worry a lot. For some people the issue of money is an struggle. For others is not a problem. Why is that? I believe that manly is a state of consciousness; that is because we usually call it prosperity consciousness.

I was watching the other day on TV, the show: Two and a Half men. Is a comedy . Sometimes with a program or even a comedy we can find answers to our questions.

If you had watched this program you know the two main characters. : Jake is relaxed and affluent. On the other hand Charlie is constantly stricken with bad luck and is constantly teased by Charlie.

In this episode Charlie is explaining to Jake that they don’t have more money. They needed more money to come in order to pay all the high bills of the house. Jake didn’t worry too much and kept saying to Charlie that: “Something will come out”.

But for Charlie seeing that the money wasn’t coming in got him into panic. Here is part of the episode:

Finally as you can see on the episode Jake got a new contract and it seems to be a lot of money.

While I was watching the show, I realized that deep into the lines I could get a message about prosperity consciousness, I might agree or might not about their personal life , but the message is there.

People like Charlie have scarcity consciousness because they don’t believe that something good will come out if they need money. They rationalize the situation and for them a problem does not have an unexpected solution.

On the other hand Jake was sure that something would come out. He expected the best and he got it.

Even though this is a show and a comedy we can learn a lesson from it.

“ Remember that your attitude plus knowledge leads to right opportunities and action”.

“The strongest single factor in prosperity consciousness is self-esteem. Believing you can do it, believing you deserve it, believing you will get it”. – Jerry Gillies

The first step for letting go of toxic emotions is to know what emotions are. We need to understand our emotions . According to Wikipedia: "An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behaviours".

This is a general definition of emotions. Deepak Chopra suggests that we define the emotions in an emotional vocabulary that does not represent victimization.

For example: Feeling sad is a genuine emotion. Feeling abandoned, on the other hand, represents victimization.

Debbie Ford talks about eleven toxic emotions I would like to share with you:

1. Hurt – victimization, helplessness, blame
2. Sadness – self-pity, regret
3. Shame – humiliation, embarrassment
4. Hopelessness – loneliness, despair, desperation
5. Fear – anxiety, panic, immobilization
6. Anger – resentment, bitterness
7. Hate – meanness, vengefulness
8. Jealousy – envy, possessiveness
9. Pride – better than, self-righteousness
10. Greed – insatiability, emotional hunger
11. Guilt – self-blame, false responsibility

The first thing then is to identify the emotion. Let’s take an emotion: Anger

• Take this emotion and write what caused anger. Write the story.Write all the details.
• Now , take responsibility for your feelings. If somebody is causing you to be angry , it is your responsibility not the other person. If we do not take responsibility we become victims and we cannot let go of the toxic emotion. What does it means? It means that if an event triggers anger that is because there is a hidden wound that was not heal, otherwise you will not react with this emotion. For example I once was talking to a person and I was asked a question that triggered anger inside myself. The issue here was not the person nor the question. The real issue was a wound that was triggered by the question.

Letting go of toxic emotions is a process, it takes patience and persistence. If we never start doing the process we are going to get use to these toxic emotions. Eventually we are going to start thinking that is normal and that there is no way we can live at peace with ourselves.

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LETTING GO OF THE PAST

Sometimes is hard for us to identify our toxic emotions. If we are not able to have clarity there is no way we can release our toxic emotions that no longer support us.

In the process of letting go of toxic emotions I have found that is a must to be aware of them. Sometimes we are so overwhelmed and hurt that is even hard for us to become aware.

Toxic emotions can be anger, fear, low self esteem, resentment , rage, jealousy, shame or guilt that all create negative feelings about others or us.

When we are not able to identify our toxic emotions we tend to repress them. It takes a lot of energy to keep our emotions buried. How do you we know that we are repressing toxic emotions? Here are some symptoms:

· Chronic fatigue
· No apparent cause of depression
· Not talking about our feelings
· Pretending that something does not matter when it really does
· Overreacting
· I don’t care attitude
· And so on.

The best way to have emotional freedom is to not only identify your toxic emotions but also to release them.

If we repress our toxic emotions we are going to react to events in the present with the same reactions of past events. We are going to bring our past to our present and this creates a suffering cycle that never ends. Our behaviour and reactions will have a negative effect on relationships and our life in general.

I found three steps in the process of releasing toxic emotions:

1. Know what emotions are. Understand how emotions are created (emotions , thoughts and feelings). Deepak Chopra suggests that we define the emotions in an emotional vocabulary that does not represent victimization. For example: Feeling sad is a genuine emotion. Feeling abandoned, on the other hand, represents victimization.
2. Take responsibility, as Deepak Chopra says: if you are waiting for somebody else to change so you can feel better, you might wait for a long time
3. Become aware of your emotions, feel the sensations in your body
4. Release them

In the next post I will explain this steps. So the question now is: Are you aware that you are repressing your toxic emotions?

According to wikipedia: Procrastination is a type of behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite procrastination as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.

I was really surprised to find that procrastination is generally associated with low sense of self-worth and often a self-defeating mentality. It is also associated with perfectionism.

It is interesting then to find a connection of procrastination to low self esteem. We all know that some signs of low self esteem are low self-worth, self-defeteating mentality and perfectionism

I have found myself procrastinating many times. I wasn’t aware of the reasons and I kept asking why? May be one of the answers is: low self esteem, low self-worth. Becoming aware of this patter I have found that there are many ways to stop procrastinating:

We can start overcoming procrastination from the inside out but also with external action:

External action we can take to stop procrastinating:

• Make the list of the things we have to do.
• Have a calendar and mark everything down.
• Take the list in the morning and commit yourself to do it.

From the inside out:

• Start building self esteem
• Stop being a perfectionist
• Become aware of your fears to failure and success
• Be patient with yourself and know that you are a human being doing the best you can
• Be more independent of the good and bad opinions of others.

“Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday”. Napoleon Hill.

Prepare to overcome procrastination now!

Assertiveness is our ability to express ourselves in an appropriate, direct and honest way.

Assertiveness is not aggressiveness. Being aggressive means that we are communicating with disrespect with other people. On the other hand if we have passive behavior we are communicating a message of inferiority and we are putting ourselves in a victim position.

Being assertive is having a healthy self esteem because we
are expressing our thoughts and feelings in a respectful and healthy way.

Many years ago I used to have a passive behavior because I was afraid to be rejected by other people. Later on when I found that I was being victimized I started to respond with aggressive behavior. Why? Because I was not aware that I could be assertive. It took me many years to understand the there was a healthy way to express myself but I finally got it.

I have found the following tips from the “Center of Independent Living” that might help you to understand better the difference between Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Behavior:

I have found the following tips from the “Center of Independent Living” that might help you to understand better the difference between Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Behavior:

1. Passive Behavior: Is afraid to speak up
2. Aggressive Behavior: Interrupts and 'talks over' others
3. Assertive Behavior: Speaks openly

1. Passive Behavior: Speaks softly
2. Aggressive Behavior: Speaks loudly
3. Assertive Behavior: Uses a conversational tone

1. Passive Behavior: Avoids looking at people
2. Aggressive Behavior: Glares and stares at others
3. Assertive Behavior: Makes good eye contact

1. Passive Behavior: Shows little or no expression
2. Aggressive Behavior: Intimidates others with expressions
3. Assertive Behavior: Shows expressions that match the message

1. Passive Behavior: Slouches and withdraws
2. Aggressive Behavior: Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others' personal space
3. Assertive Behavior: Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions

1. Passive Behavior: Isolates self from groups
2. Aggressive Behavior: Controls groups
3. Assertive Behavior: Participates in groups

1. Passive Behavior: Agrees with others, despite feelings
2. Aggressive Behavior: Only considers own feelings, and/or demands of others
3. Assertive Behavior: Speaks to the point

1. Passive Behavior: Values self less than others
2. Aggressive Behavior: Values self more than others
3. Assertive Behavior: Values self equal to others

1. Passive Behavior: Hurts self to avoid hurting others
2. Aggressive Behavior: Hurts others to avoid being hurt
3. Assertive Behavior: Tries to hurt no one (including self)

1. Passive Behavior: Does not reach goals and may not know goals
2. Aggressive Behavior: Reaches goals but hurts others in the process
3. Assertive Behavior: Usually reaches goals without alienating others

1. Passive Behavior: You're okay, I'm not
2. Aggressive Behavior: I'm okay, you're not
3. Assertive Behavior: I'm okay, you're okay

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others." Sharon Anthony Bower

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Have you watch the Peaceful Warrior movie?, here is a trailer:



In the movie Socrates advise Dan to change his attitudes, he literally tells him: “Take out the trash”. When you change your attitude, you change your behavior. Sometimes I think we have a lot of trash in our minds and we cannot see the big picture.

What does it mean to change your attitude? It means to accept your thoughts and feelings and at the same time to take a positive action. Have you observed yourself all day long, what are you thinking? We all have negative thoughts during our day but that is not the problem, it become a problem when we get hook in this thoughts.

Your thoughts create your feelings and you take action based on those feelings. Sometimes our thoughts become a habit. I am not saying that is easy to change your attitude, it requires patience and awareness. It requires us to live in the present moment.

We are so used to live in our past or in our future that to live in the present becomes impossible. The only moment we have is our present. If you cannot change your negative thoughts (your trash), just observe them. Do not judge them, this way you will learn a lot of things about yourself and by being conscious you will have a great tool to change your attitude.

I have explain the meaning of resentment and anger on my past. Because this emotions are really important I would like to explain the difference between them. When we have this concepts clear is easy for us understand our emotions and find a way to release them.

According to the dictionary resentment means:

A feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury

Anger means:

A strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism.

I have noticed that key word in both definitions is “persistent”. When you feel resentment you keep having fantasies of revenge.

So what is the difference between resentment and anger?.

• If you feel resentment you also feel anger. Anger is like a sudden emotion. Is a reaction. If somebody does something bad to you, you react with anger. So if the key word in resentment is persistent, you become resentful when you let that anger persist. This would mean that you are choosing to have this resentment.
• When you feel anger, because this is a feeling that arise as a self-defense mechanism , you cannot decide not to be angry. You can decide how to manage the situation but you still feel the anger. On the other hand, you decide to be resentful because you keep dwelling in our anger. Is interesting, being resentful is choosing to keep the anger.

Whenever you choose to keep your anger and become resentful you lose your joy, you close down. You are not going to feel good about yourself, therefore you are contributing to increase your low self esteem.

I have also notice that when get trapped in this circle I put myself again in a victim position, because I am keeping my anger to justify that I am right. The other person is the problem, not me.

Do you still like to be the victim? To be a victim is one of the characteristics of low self esteem. If you keep putting yourself in victim situations by not letting go of the anger and resentment you will not be able to have a healthy self-esteem.

I have found that the best question to ask at this moment is : Do I want to be right or happy?
Keeping my resentment will not change what happened, will not change the other person. It will only increase my self-pity. .

Is worth to think about it. If somehow you are able to let go of the anger, you free yourself from resentment and you are free now to build a healthy self esteem

Resentment is like taking a poison and waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt

Get mad, then get over it. ~Colin Powell

In order to have a healthy self esteem we must develop a relationship with ourselves. One of the best ways to do this is through the practice of meditation.

"We are so addicted to looking outside ourselves,

that we have lost access to our inner being almost completely.

We are terrified to look inward, because our culture has given us no idea of what to find.

We may even think that if we meditate, we will be in danger of madness.

This is one of the last and most resourceful ploys of the ego

to prevent us from discovering our real nature.

So, we make our lives so hectic that we eliminate the slightest risk of looking into ourselves...

In a world dedicated to distraction, silence and stillness terrify us." Sogyal Rinpoche's

When we meditate we are just being. We are going to have a lot of thoughts and emotions coming out. This is the healing. By just observing and letting go we are freeing ourselves and connecting with our real self.

There are many types of meditations we can practice. I personally started with mindfulness that is recommended by the Buddhist tradition. You simply focus your attention on your breath. I am actually practicing the Primordial Sound meditation with a mantra. Deepak Chopra created this meditation.

I do not think that there is a meditation technique that is better than the other; any meditation will help us to be in contact with ourselves.

Meditation can also help us

• To understand your own mind.
• Leads to a deeper relaxation, therefore, it decrease muscle tension
• Reduces anxiety
• Builds self-confidence. You will be more centered and calm.
• Reduces emotional distress.

You will get a lot of benefits through the practice of meditation. You will learn to be with yourself, become your best friend and see yourself as you really are. Do not worry too much of what is happening during meditation, as Deepak Chopra says: ” Miracles happen after meditation”.

Christmas is a wonderful time of the year and we are all looking forward to it to feel joy and happiness around our family members and friends. However, sometimes Christmas can be stressful. We have to think about the gifts, the gatherings and we struggle around these issues.

How can be create a Christmas without stress and feel joy and happiness? There are some tips I would like to share with you.

• Think ahead about the gifts and your budget for each one. Make a list and stick to it.
• Choose a day to do your shopping. Make a list of the stores you will go according to the gifts you have chosen.
• Plan the cooking and organize all things related to it, like the table decoration, the Christmas tree, etc.
• Do not sent your Christmas cards at the last minute. Plan ahead and write them with all your heart.

Make sure you do not feel obligated to anyone. Be yourself and respect your boundaries.
Take good care of yourself, do not become overwhelmed. If this happen, stop, go for a walk, take a bubble bath or give yourself a massage. Remember that you cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself first.

Take this season as an opportunity to go deep inside and start building your self-esteem by being true to yourself. Take these holidays as an opportunity to be thankful for what you have, for who you are, for your friend and family, for your life. Give yourself the gift of happiness.

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Stressful ChristmasChristmas is a meant to be a time of togetherness with family, fun, joy and selfless thought towards others. But so often Christmas can just seem like another major life stress.We become stressed by anything that seems to exceed our ability to cope and causes stress hormone levels to rise in our bloodstream. This session will relax you deeply and prepare your mind to feel chilled and calm about the prospect of Christmas. You'll find yourself feeling more relaxed during the holiday season and actually enjoying Christmas.

Sometimes we confuse the word jealousy with envy. I would like to share with you a great definition on envy that I have found at Wikipedia as follow:

“Envy is an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.” At the core of envy seems to be an upward social comparison, that threatens a person's self-esteem: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar as the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been him or her who had the desired object.”

Therefore, envy refers to being threatened by somebody’s having something we consider important to have. Jealousy refers to being threatened by a rival regarding somebody we love.

People with low self-esteem are always comparing themselves with others. They believe that they do not have good qualities and therefore they feel inferior to others. They also feel that others are more important than them because they have something they lack.

Have you ever felt envy? I have certainly felt that way many times. I think that when we feel envy we have the opportunity to become aware of our lack of self-esteem. Is an opportunity to look inside of us and question ourselves about this feeling.

We feel envy because do not accept ourselves, we do not love ourselves enough. Both envy and jealousy are toxic emotions, however, we can use them as healthy emotions. To transform envy as a healthy emotion we need to love and accept ourselves as we are and be grateful for whom we are.

Envy as a healthy emotion can help us to become better. When you notice that you are feeling inadequate because you are comparing yourself with others, you can became aware of this fact. If you feel somebody else has something that you lack, you can use this negative energy in a positive way by doing something about it. For example, if you feel envy because somebody else has a car that you do not have, you could approach this issue in the following way:

1. I really would like to have that car; can I do something about it? Then think of the ways you can do something, like saving money, earning extra money.
2. I really would like to have that car, but I am not willing to do anything to have it. Then, your envy is useless because you are not willing to pay the price for what you want.
3. I cannot do anything about the situation: then, be grateful for what you have and instead of feeling envy feel happy about the other person. If you cannot feel happy about it, it’s mean that you are not accepting who you are because you are trying to be someone else.

The key is to use envy as a healthy emotion instead of a toxic one.

"Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has.” Unknown

Self acceptance - the first essential step to self improvement

According to Medicine.net depression is

“An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts, that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things.

There are a lot of causes of depression as well as different types of depression; however, I would like to focus on low self-esteem as a cause of depression.

People with low self-esteem often feel inferior and blame others about their circumstances. They expect to be rejected by others. They become negative, expect the worst. They feel they do not deserve good things, they do not accept compliments, they feel isolated. All this beliefs and feelings are responsible for depression. This is the depression that comes from a negative mindset.

So, instead of putting yourself down when you feel these symptoms, you can accept the fact that you are going through a temporary state of depression. Accept yourself in this place; understand that problems and misfortunes will occur in your live.

Instead of thinking that life is unfair and that everything bad happen to you, you can start boosting our self-esteem and taking care of yourself.

Have you ever gone through a state dissatisfaction with yourself? I had. But, I have found that this state does not make me worthless. We usually link dissatisfaction with the idea that something wrong is going on with us. To become depress temporarily when things don’t go the way you like, does not mean that you are a failure or worthless.

Whenever I go through a temporary depression:

• I become aware that I am going through this state. I identify that I am feeling depress.
• I accept the fact that I can be depress. I do not deny it, I allow myself to be depressed and feel the feelings that are coming out of my depression.
• I take care of myself by pampering, walking, doing something that shows me that I am taking care of myself.

All this steps help me to move on a different depress state were I can start to see more clearly what is the real cause of my depression. It can be repress anger for example. Finding the core of the feeling that is underneath of the depression makes me understand myself more and work on the issue to release my depression.

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Las Saturday I went to sleep and at about 5:00 in the morning I woke up because I started to feel some pain in my body.

The pain was getting worse and I got up to get a pain killer but I could not find one. I was not sure what to do because the pain was increasing and it seems that was not going to go away. I got a hot pad and put it on the area, I got some relief but the pain was there.

It was about 6 :00 am and I was still suffering from the pain. All of the sudden I remembered that I could use EFT to alleviate the pain. It was hard to tap having this pain, but I did it anyway. After about five rounds the pain went away and I was able to go back to sleep.

I learned two interesting issues regarding this event.

First, I noticed that my first reaction to pain was to get a medication .We are all train to avoid pain and to reach for something outside of us for relief. I needed a magic solution and I needed it fast. I was in pain and I felt fear, I was thinking the worst.

Second, because I could not find the medication, I had to confront the pain and when I did it, the pain went away. Being able to be with the pain and feel it was the solution.

This remains me of how many times in life I run away from painful situations, avoiding them instead of confronting them. How many times I try to look outside of me for solutions instead of looking inside. Most of us react to situations automatically, may be there is another way to respond instead of react that will lead us to better understanding of ourselves.

"Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon;suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is... The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds." Dann Milman.

According to the dictionary Resentment means:

A feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.

When we have received and insult, or betrayal or something that make us feel hurt, the instant reaction we have is to become resentful. What does it means? It means that we keep remembering the situation repeatedly, wishing the other person or situation the worst and keeping inside ourselves feelings of anger and self-pity.

It took me a lot of time to understand that being resentful will not solve any issue, the only person I was hurting was myself.


One of the ways I use to let go of any resentment is the following:

1. I acknowledge that I have this feeling. When I feel resentful toward somebody or an event, the first thing I do is to stop my negative internal dialog (this will put me out of the victim trap), and I acknowledge that I am feeling resentful. I also make sure that I feel ok feeling that way, I am not a sinner or is something that will make me less that anybody else.
2. Then, I do everything I can to feel the feeling. That is the best way to let it go. Cry, run, write a note and burn it, say out load whatever you want to say. After this, I start to feel better.
3. Finally, I take responsibility: what did I do so that this event could happen? , Nothing happen only on one side, there is always two sides. What can I learn from the event or the person I feel resentful toward? , is the event or person involved telling me something about myself that I do not want to see?

Self-esteem has to do with what you think about yourself. What are you thinking? That you are the victim again?. Why is this happening to me? Is easy to get into the victim trap and blame outside.

A healthy self-esteem involves that you know how to take care of your needs and that you honor yourself enough not to be a victim of events or people. Taking responsibility means to have a healthy self-esteem. Responsibility means: the ability to respond to whatever happens to us because of our actions.

If we do not handle criticism well, we may lower our self-esteem. We all know the difference between feedback and criticism.

Criticism is based on personal interpretation according to personal experience and personal history. Feedback is based on observation without interpretation.

Why people criticize instead of giving a feedback? According to my experience I have noticed that people criticize because they feel inadequate, they want to feel superior to other people.

People with low self-esteem usually put other people down through criticism so they can feel better about themselves.

Sometimes I think that criticism is a habit too. If we grew up in a family with a lot of criticism, the members of the family are not aware of the damage they are causing. They criticize others because they were criticized themselves, and they pass this habit to the next generation. That is because I believe that is important to be aware.

I have learned that the best way to handle criticism is not to get hook. Sometimes for me my first reaction is to answer back. However, I have learned that this is the best way to start a fight. The best ways to respond is not responding. What do I do then? I change the subject, I do not say anything, I use humor, or depending on the situation and the person whom I am dealing with, I may assert myself. I ask myself: is this worth it?

The more conscious we become that the criticism we receive comes from people who are in pain and have no other way to express it, it will be more easier for us to handle it.

By being aware you will be capable of stopping this habits and handle criticism in a different way.

There are two points involved with criticism. The first one is to know that if we are receiving criticism instead of feedback , we are dealing with someone with low self-esteem. The second point is to ask ourselves some questions: Is it worth it to answer back? I am going to change the other person by getting hook?, Why do I get hook? , What do I fear?

An I always remember that I can learn something from critism and take it to my advantage.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. Eleanor Roosevelt.

I happened to register for a membership and after I did it I decided to that I did not want it. So I took the phone and I called. When the customer service representative answered I gave her all the information she asked for, she was really nice to me. So I told her: “ I would like to cancel my membership”. She started to talk to me and explained all the reasons why I should no cancel. At that moment I did not think about what I wanted, I do no know why, I listened to her. So I decided to not cancel it and I handed up.

After I did that I felt really bad about myself. Why? Because my intention was to cancel the membership, so why I did not do that? Because she was nice to me and I felt bad, because I wanted to be nice and so on.

That is low self-esteem. If you are not able to say “NO”, when you want to say no, that’s means that your self-esteem is low. Because you are a pleasing person. Because you just want to be nice and please the other person.

So, when I realized that I called again. A really nice gentleman answered the phone, he start talking to me about different issues, we had a good time. And when he asked me:”How can I help you today”, I was ready.

I have decided within myself that I wanted to cancel the membership, so I told him so. When he started to talk like the other lady, I said to him: “ I am calling to cancel my membership, I know that there are great benefits, however at this time, this is not useful. I like to cancel it.” He said: I am sorry to hear that, and I will cancel it.

With this example, I am just trying to illustrate how often we fail to say “no” when we want to say “yes”. How many times you have said “yes” when you wanted to say “no”.

This is one of the symptoms of low self esteem . Why? Because we are trying to please other people. Pleasing other people will not help us to have a healthy self esteem .

Next time you find yourself in this situation, just be aware, why are you trying to please other people? To feel accepted? To be a good girl or a good boy? Does this situation make you feel good about yourself? Are you betraying yourself?.

The lack of sense of humor is related to low self-esteem. When you have sense of humor you are able to laugh at yourself and at your life. This means that you are able to accept yourself as you are and respect yourself. As Deepak Chopra, says, "It is important to not take yourself too seriously. Life is a joyous, magical experience and laughter is an essential element to happiness and fulfillment."

With constructive humor you are not putting other people down and compensating your lack of self esteem. Constructive humor raises self esteem . Destructive humor focuses on other people and destroy their self esteem.

Laughing with others is an ice breaker , is healthy and helps you to connect with other people. If you are having humor about your own situation you are seeing the events from a different perspective and it can help you to make a shift. It also help you to feel good because when you are laughing you cannot feel angry or sad or depress.

Having humor will not only help you to be emotionally healthy but it will also help you through difficult times.






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Negative emotions consume your energy and undermine your effectiveness. In the negative emotional state, you not only think well but you find the lack of desire to do anything. The mind is filled with thoughts of fear, doubts and insecurities. Your body experiences muscle tension and fatigue.

How to deal with negative emotions.

1. Decide you want to deal with your negative emotions: Take the decision to change your negative emotions. Once you decide that you no longer want to allow your negative emotions to control your life, you will take action to change them.
   


2. Be Aware that you are having these negative emotions: Be aware; train yourself to catch these negative emotions.
3. Accept responsibility:Take responsibility for your emotions. You are feeling this way, it is ok. So find a way to change them.
4. Question yourself: Try to star questioning yourself about this negative emotions, about assumptions you are making regarding a situation, reasons why you are suffering this state.
5. Thing about something different: When you find yourself with a negative emotion do not dwell on them, think about something else. This does not mean that you are denying your state. It means that you are no only aware, you have questioned your state and now you are ready to move on. If you keep focusing on them you will enlarge them. So, get over them.
6. Relax and let go: When you feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, go for a walk, relax, do something different. Try to calm your mind and be in peace.

Self-acceptance means accepting oneself without judgments. As Nathaniel Branden explains : self-acceptance is the freedom to see oneself without denial.

We all have negative emotions, but are we willing to feel our feelings and see our actions without judgment and denial?

In order to change we have to start the first step on accepting ourselves as we are in the present moment.

I like to share with you this video on Self-acceptance by Nathaniel Branden:




There are a lot of resources that you can use for self-acceptance, one of the best ones is Emotional Freedom Techniques. When you use Emotional Freedom Techniques you not only became aware of all your emotions but at the same time you accept yourself for feeling them.