Logic is something you normally cannot expect in a horror movie. Or in a moment that is filled with horror. Take our poor friends called Zombies as an example. Each time someone in a movie sees our friendly rotten meat crawling, he runs away. Some might say this is logical.

Up to now I would have said the same.

But not anymore. And so will you after you watch the most hilarious 38 seconds ever produced regarding Zombies - from a direction many would never expect.

Seriously, I watched so many horror movies, funny and serious. But none of them ever had this logic and immensely hilarious idea: when a Zombie crawls out from a grave, don’t run - simply stick it back into it.

This idea is so simple, yet seemingly no one in Hollywood ever had it written down and filmed. Even less for a cartoon, perhaps out of fear of creativity or harsh reactions. Both facts are sad. Nevertheless we got it, offered from an animated series done in Japan.

By the way: the scene belongs to a series called ONE PIECE which based on a manga of the same name. And you know what? This scene is so well timed that I am intruiged to look further into this series. If this thing wouldn’t be that long…

While thinking about a cool blog post I remembered Digg and a certain way to fill space when you don’t know what to do: lists. You know, the ultimate tip of any aspiring blog about Blog Tips.

So here we are, with a funnily epic list of ten unusual ways to create a Top Ten List for your (movie) blog.

All examples are reserved for me, otherwise I will smash you with a magazine containing all Top Ten Lists ever posted on the net. If you were faster, I will smash myself

• 10. Make me Die from Laughter

  If you want a girlfriend, be funny. If you want blog readers, be funny. Humor is the best way to break the ice, and in all this boring stuff out there, a funny Top Ten List is always read. Be warned though: once your readership is dead from laughter you have to constantly rebuild it again or delete your post after some days. Remember Monty Python? Not funny!
  

  Examples: “Top Ten Movie Jokes of all Time”, “The Ten most Epic movie laughs” and [I so have no idea].

• 9. Weirdness for the win

  Make a list about unusual things or ideas that you never read before. Chances are high that it might be forgotten after ten minutes, but when you have a hit, it stays.

  “The Ten scariest Pets since Beethoven”, “Top Ten funniest Catastrophe Movies” and “Top Ten Movies to ruin your Relationship” are some examples.

• 8. Ugly is the new Beautiful

  There is nothing more boring than listing nice and beautiful things. Everyone does that as Digg proves day after day. So go the opposite way: be ugly. Or better: list ugly things.

  “The Ten best Van Damme Movies”, “Top Ten Leslie Nielsen flicks since 2003″ or “Top Ten moments from BATMAN AND ROBIN” come to mind.

• 7. Stupidity is the winner

  There is a reason that so many movies use characters which are helplessly beyond stupidity. It is because we can laugh about them and feel so much better with our ten brain cells.

  Examples? “Top Ten most stupid Statements by Famous Actors”, “The Ten most Stupid Movie Roles ever” and “Top Ten Movies I didn’t understand”.

• 6. Put everything in Lists

  Do you have a cold? Make a List of the ten worst colds ever. Have seen a movie with an actor you hate? Put it in a list. With this method chances are high that at least one will get you high amount of traffic. But be warned: if your blog doesn’t have anything else to offer you are out of luck.

  Examples: “The Top Ten movies I have seen last week”, “The Top Ten Reasons why I sleep after a movie”. The winner of them all: “The Top Ten Top Ten Lists” (the most essential recursive list ever)

• 5. Crazyland
  

  In one episode of the THE SIMPSONS Homer begs for money so he can buy something for Marge. He gets the advice from a poor guy telling him that there are four types of begging. Impersonating a fundamentalist is one, as is being simply crazy. Being crazy works, as Homer then wonderfully shows us.

  “Top Ten Movies I sleep with”, “Ten Reasons why this is not the case” or “My Top Ten Movie Fantasies” come to mind.

• 4. Controversy to the flame

  When all people agree, they most often do nothing. When they disagree they act. When they really disagree they flame and bring their friends. And sometimes some guys come along the way - and agree.

  Here are some classic examples to get all the fanboys flaming and your traffic raising: “Thirty Reasons Why Apple in Movies sucks”, “Top Fifty Reasons why Geeks in Movies Suck”, “Top Ten Reasons why [enter something here] suck”.

• 3. Spoof, tease and more

  This is a different take to the controversy kind of lists. You spoof fans or lovers for what they love. Here you have to walk a fine line to not end in the controversy territory, unless you add yourself to the crowds being spoofed.

  Examples: “Top Ten Star Wars Costumes for True Fans”, “Top Ten Baby Movies watched by Adults” and “Top Ten Fan Love Letters to Robin”.

• 2. Sex sells

  Who from the male audience still knows PASSWORD  SWORDFISH? Ok, you can put down your hands. Do you still remember the scene with Halle Berry’s boobs? Great.

  Ok, who from the female audience still knows the moment in CASINO ROYALE, when Daniel Craig showed us his wet body? Wonderful!

  I think I don’t have to write anything else. Sex does sell. And don’t you dare to think I give you some examples.

• 1.  Mix everything above

  In these times of lists, the best way to leave an impression is to mix and shake all nine categories. This way you and the reader have fun for eternity.

  “Ten Reasons why Angelina’s nude body sucks” or “Top Ten Nude Star Wars Fans” are good examples, although I am not sure to which categories the last example belongs best…

  Now that I think about it, this last example might be the ultimate list of all lists ever. Weirdness? Check! Ugly? Check! Controversy? Check! Spoof? Check! Sex? Check! Makes me die from Laughter?

  Hell, yes, Check!!

…of 2008.

You didn’t think I would stop now, would you?

Well, the year 2008 was quite interesting and sad at the same time. All the different Top Lists popping up everywhere remind me that another year has passed. But what a year it was.

Barack Obama got elected as president (Yay for the future) and Hollywood started to spat out some simply amazing movies. DARK KNIGHT, WALL E are two examples only. They showed me that there might be a bright future ahead of us because almost all of the great movies were successful, too. If that isn’t a hint to Hollywood to finally start making good movies again.

The Dark Knight in TV size

On the other hand, DARK KNIGHT marks also a very sad moment because of the death of Heath Ledger. His performance was out of this world and it showed what a talented actor he was. Each time I see one of his movies in a TV magazine I start to miss him.

By the way with a big break: you can be proud of your US TV networks. In the US you get a bunch of great TV series each year. In contrast the highlight of German Television in 2008 was an old grumpy noble prize winner who refused to accept a rubbish TV trophy. But more about that in a later post.

Future Plans

In this regard, for 2009 I have several posts and ideas that will hopefully see the light of ray in the next weeks and months. For one I plan to start a series that analyses different aspects of the film market in general. This means that I will take a closer look to numbers and statistics. Currently I am working on such a post and there are already some surprises.

For the other I have a growing list of cool blog post outlines here on my hard drive that I will work on in 2009. I also plan to dive into the world of animation again - this time Japan animation.

I think 2009 will also be the year with the least numbers of redesigns - hopefully none. It took a long time to find the theme (meaning: a theme I like) so I think that this year I really can concentrate on writing awesome posts for you.

Thanks with a Dinner

What else can I say: I thank you very, very much for reading this blog. I know that some posts sucked the hell out of everything, but I believe that this was a necessary process to find my voice and the topics to write about. I hope you will stay in 2009 and have as much fun as I.

So, and for the last post in 2008 I have a small present for you: DINNER FOR ONE (the German Edition of 1963). Some of you might have heard of it. DINNER FOR ONE is a classic short movie that airs each New Year’s Eve in Germany in almost every TV station available.

DINNER FOR ONE is a simple story about an old lady celebrating her 90^th birthday. But since all her friends are long gone, her butler has to take their place - and drink every glass of alcoholics each round. This short is simply amazing and the performances of Freddie Frinton as the butler are beyond anything. Many tried to imitate him, all have failed.

Have fun with it and see you in 2009…

Happy New Year!

(Jump to 2:40, the beginning is in German and mostly irrelevant)

Do you remember moments in the past when you were searching for some information but couldn’t find anything coming close? And do you wonder why I am writing about this? Well, before I give you the answer, let’s start with the search for information.

When I search for information and don’t find anything I very often remember at least three statements from authors, and journalists alike, telling me that the internet is the perfect example of information overkill: the more is available and the more you can search the less you actually find. While this certainly is true it’s also very vague because, in many ways, there always was overkill. Think of the legendary library of Alexandria. I am sure they had the same problems.

Information Needs

A much more precise representation of this problem is a model used in knowledge management. This model distinguishes between three overlapping information areas.

The first area is your information need - or better: your subjective information need. This is what you think you need.

The second area is the objective information need. This is what you really need, or better: what is needed objectively. This is especially important when you are searching information for someone else.

And the last area is the one of available information (think of the internet as a living example):

As you can see, the tiny little red spot in the middle, in which all three circles overlap, is the final result you get. The way you search or other factors decide about the ratio of overlapping. Sometimes you can get the close to complete overlapping; sometimes they are even less overlapped than above.

In any way, a fracture of everything is the best you can get.

Information meets Science Fiction

Okay, so why do I write about all that stuff in this movie blog?

The reason is simple: although I am always on the lookout for moving crap/bad movies (subjective information need), it doesn’t mean it is always called, named, described or tagged as such by others (objective information need)…

Sometimes it is simply called “Turkish Star Wars”.

And when you know that (available information), a whole new world opens up before your eyes.

You know, there are tons of Top Tens of Those and Top Tens of Others. Even I cannot prevent this on my site all the time because it is nevertheless easy stuff to create. So, I hereby present you a list of various movies that pop up in almost every Top Ten list but which I did not see (in no particular order):

• The Wrestler

  It has been a lot of time since I last heard of Mickey Rourke. And as far as the movie goes, his latest performance seems to be quite remarkable. I really wish him the best for the future - but Wrestling movies are simply not my Genre, as are Sports movies in general. Perhaps I will have a soft spot in my heart sometime in the future. Rotten Tomatoes’ 98% is a strong hint in that direction…

• Burn After Reading

  Take the Coen Brothers for writing and mix it with a lot of famous actors for, well, acting. And you get this movie. This one looked quite promising from the tidbits I saw in the trailer as well as some marketing shit disguised as a “making-of”. Perhaps this was the problem: I cannot stand marketing disguised as serious stuff.

• Waltz with Bashir

  I Although I am a huge fan of (serious) animated movies and series I still am reluctant about this. Perhaps this was due to the scenes I saw in TV and the Internet. They were great and serious, but perhaps a little bit too serious with too ambitious dark images telling you that war is bad and everyone is suffering. Does this movie have lighter scenes? Nevertheless I intend to watch it in the future. As Persepolis.

• Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

  This movie is on this list because it was successful. And just because of that. You never, I repeat, never will be able to make me watch this shit. The lackluster reaction from fans and critics alike just prove me again that George Lucas should quit writing. He simply cannot write and his shit thinking ruined that movie for me. Do you have your refrigerator?

• Milk

  For some reason this totally went below my radar. And regarding the reviews this movie seems to be a top watch. This seems especially to be true since this movie is based on real events. Yet, I feel somehow reluctant to watch it. Biographical Dramas are good and all, but I always try to avoid them because they mostly tend to be long, boring or melodramatic. Perhaps I will watch it in the future.

• Hancock

  Will Smith playing a once shiny and now boozy superhero? Call me hooked. My mind was on the run. Would they spoof Superman and all the other good-for-nothing-guys? That would be cool. Then I read some reviews and found out that the movie in fact went into standard cliché superland. Call me not hooked. But it was successful. Strange world.

• Quantum of Solace

  I hereby admit it: I never watched a James Bond flick in a movie theater, and most likely I never will. I really don’t know why but I consider this franchise just worthy enough for an evening at home - but not at cinema. Although most of the reviews are positive I simply wait for the TV release. It’s simple as that. Oh, I almost forgot: the somehow silly title didn’t really help either.

• Sex and the City

  Another entry because of the high box office. Enough said. I will never watch this condom commercial disguised as a movie. Certainly there are fans, but I am not. I never watched the series either, albeit being quite bold by talking about sex all the time - and shoes. Well, here is the main problem: I don’t really care for both most of the time - especially shoes. I buy them, I wear them, I throw them out. End of Line.

• Slumdog Millionaire

  As I searched the net for list entries there was one movie that almost every time came up: Slumdog Millionaire. Well, what can I say? From what I read about the movie it seems to be one of the most touching and unusual tales of this year. Although this “Who wants to be a Millionaire”-stuff makes me shiver somehow I will definitely watch this one and I certainly hope they didn’t blow it.

• Man on Wire

  Some months ago I saw a long review of this movie about a tightrope walk performed between the Twin Towers and I really liked what I saw. For reasons beyond me I totally forgot about it. Perhaps this was due to the total lack of anything coming close to be called “marketing”. I hate to admit it, but sometimes marketing is essential to at least remind a person that he wanted to watch it.

So, this is the list of all Top Ten movies of 2008 that I did not see. Totally the opposite of the usual standard crap and I really had fun with it, and some new movies to watch. The surprising fact is that I really had problems to fill the spots. It seems I watched almost all of the successful and good movies in this very good year for movie lovers. THE DARK KNIGHT, IRON MAN the crazy and stoned PINEAPPLE EXPRESS, the silly TROPIC THUNDER and so many more great movies were released this year that I am inclined to mark 2008 as the best since 2005 / 2006, if not longer.

Especially THE DARK KNIGHT fills my heart with hope, that in one or two years Hollywood will release more of those thought provoking but nevertheless big movies. And WALL E might be the start of 3D animated movies to become more than just silly comedies filled with ogres or animals and their standard messages of friendship and self confidence. I so hope it.

As I have already written: if everything turns out right, 2008 may be the turning point in both regards.

What do you think?

Before I start with anything else I have to tell you one thing:

I wish you a Merry Christmas!

Since we are all movie freaks of the best kind, we are supposed to watch at least one movie during the holidays with our families. It doesn’t matter if it’s a comedy or a drama. The most important part is that you are together with your family, having a good time and some fond memories for the future.

So, here are some christmas movies in no particular I recommend to watch and from which you are free to pick one:

• Bad Santa

  Seriously, sometimes all this sugar and candy-stuff makes you want to vomit. What’s better than a black comedy that just puts Christmas back into its place? I saw this movie some years ago and I had great fun with it. Some moments were simply great.
  Recommended to: anyone with cavities due to Christmas and a wish for a normal life

• It’s a wonderful life
  

  

  OK, this one admittedly is the total opposite of BAD SANTA. But you must have a heart of stone if this one doesn’t move you at the end. This movie is considered a classic and it is not without reason. Frank Capra managed to make it almost perfect, although it initially bombed at the Box Office. Strange, but true. Well, I consider Clarence still as one of the best and coolest angels of all time.
  Recommended to: anyone who wants the perfect and dramatic feel-good Christmas Watch.

• A Christmas Carol

  

  I know, this one seems to be standard fare, too. But let’s be honest: It is one of the best Christmas stories out there and any screenwriter would kill for it. On the other hand, there are so many versions out there that I become scared sometimes. Which version is the best? I would say the “original” of 1951. Black and White, no big effects. Classic.
  Recommended to: anyone whose kids need a lesson of life.

  
  

• Scrooged
  

  

  When a Christmas Carol is the good-to-heart version, this one is the modern approach to it. And boy do I love it. From all movies inspired by Dickens’ story this version by far is the most creative and funniest of them. The crazy ghosts visiting Bill Murray alone are worth it. An you might laugh, but I really like to monologue of Murray at the end of the movie. A little bit cheesy but it works for me.
  Recommended to: anyone, who needs Dickens with a grain of humor and fun set in modern times.

• Christmas Vacation
  

  

  You can tell that a movie has become a classic when it is broadcast each year in primetime. At least in Germany it has become one. And Christmas Vacation really deserves it. Chevy Chase is at his best with this flick and the jokes are spot on. You can tell this one was made before comedy went South in Hollywood.
  Recommend to: simply everyone. The perfect family movie. Especially after you witnessed this chaos in your own home.

• Die Hard
  

  

  This movie not only is one of the best movies of the Action Genre but also quite a formidable Christmas Movie, albeit the most unusual entry in this list. Yes, it sounds strange but there simply is no better way to destroy the Christmas Mood than Alan Rickman and Bruce Willis taking it out.
  Recommended to: anyone who needs visual violence to survive Christmas or is in need of a change of pace. Or families whose teenage kids scream and shoot at the sight of A CHRISTMAS CAROL.

That’s the list of movies I wholeheartedly recommend to watch (again).

Some might argue that many movies are pretty much standard fare but let’s be honest: they are good. There are of course many other movies out there dealing with Christmas. GERMLINS comes to mind or some other cheesy we-love-us-and-everybody-else kind of movies. Well, out of all, those are favorites I would watch immediately.

How about you?

Merry Christmas!

Sorry STAR WARS fans, I couldn’t resist…

Computers in real life are boring. Even Apple computers. You sit there all day, use your mouse, hit your keyboard and wait. Perhaps this is the reason why computers and especially human computer interactions look so much cooler in movies (the other reason would be the total lack of knowledge regarding our electronic friends).

Regardless of the reasons I am a movie freak so I immediately remembered all those movie moments with all kinds of uber-cool computer screens and interactions - and tried to imitate them in real life during my Wordpress update.

Of course, I failed miserably. But that doesn’t stop me from writing the dream of

how the update of this blog to Wordpress 2.7 would have looked like in a movie…

FADE IN:

I enter my personal high security room. The computer is in its screensaver mode - as always, electricity bills are for losers - and my ten screens show all kinds of cool visuals I programmed myself in the last four years. I look at it and my eyes almost get burnt out by the intense colors.

Damn, I always forget to reduce the color intensity of my screen. Note to myself: reduce it next time.

I press the Any-Button on my futuristic keyboard. The OS I programmed for the last ten years goes to its active mode. Because I built this computer for the last twenty years I added the best, most secure and biggest high security system ever. It tells me on all ten screens simultaneously:

THIS SYSTEM IS PASSWORD PROTECTED. PLEASE ENTER PASSWORD BELOW.

Gosh! I don’t have time for this. I hit the Escape-Button and the normal screen appears.

Because simplicity is for losers the screens always show me at least twenty windows at the same time scattered throughout all displays. But I don’t need them. Without doing anything else I enter some codes so cryptic that even I don’t understand them (Note: I ditched my mouse thirty years ago). Because I never fail at entering code the screen doesn’t respond in any way. Until a small screen finally appears (small meaning: on all ten displays):

Of course the Window has no name or text - I know what I am doing.

I enter: CONNECT TO SERVER. The small window disappears. Some graphics pop up with cool movements going on - futuristic looks are simply awesome, especially the cubic ones. After three seconds the systems answers: CONNECTED. SEARCHING…

ITEM FOUND.

Because I programmed the OS for fifty years without pause, the AI knows exactly what I wanted: an Update of Wordpress. So I simply enter: UPGRADE SERVER.

Now the really cool stuff starts with so many cool actions and movements that my eyes almost pop out. Note to myself: reduce the visual action.

While all the different windows pop up and vanish I see that the computer not only downloads the new package, but also extracts it locally, copies all old server files to a backup storage, makes a database backup, deactivates all plugins, logs out from Wordpress, copies the new files without overwriting my uploaded stuff, starts the upgrade process of Wordpress and finally reactivates all plugins. (Of course the system encrypted everything with a 10 Megabyte three-dimensional key. Because the NSA seens and hears everything. But since I know they have God implemented in their hardware specs I went the middle hard way with a three-dimensional key. This takes them one days to decipher - enough time to start running. Ok, enough chit-chat, back to topic…)

After the system has done all tasks in less than ten seconds everything is finally finished. Well, I expect nothing else from a system I worked on for sixty years straight - and which you will never hear or see.

Satisfied, I stand up and leave the room. The system automatically detects my actions and automatically goes back to its automatic screensaver mode encrypted with the best password protection system ever.

…

Now that would have been a cool Wordpress upgrade, wouldn’t it?

Oh Critic, how are you fine.

you make me smile, you make me whine.

Whenever I search in the darkest night

you come along and shine a light.

You teach me idiot with high class

what to watch and what to pass.

You talk and write and foam and scream

about some things that seem so gleam.

Your opinion, that’s for sure

is the best, so clean, so pure.

So we shut up and don’t object,

because we are nothing, we are abject.

And in the end when all is read

we know one thing: you are the Critic. You are the head.

Sometimes it is amazing what you can experience in a movie theater.  Many times I remember more that happened besides the movie than the movie itself. In fact this happens most of the time (which is no good sign for the industry). The whole experience of an evening you spend with your friends in a building constructed solely for that purpose is something you never can truly recreate in your home.

And besides the whole atmosphere there are sometimes moments which are simply crazily funny. It’s like watching THE TOWERING INFERNO in a skyscraper at night - alone.

Such a moment finally happened again after ten months of “boredom”. Yesterday I was in my movie theater of choice and watching some trailers when suddenly and without warning the image went black.

For a moment the whole audience thought it was a joke of the trailer producers because the sound was still audible. Then, over the time of ten seconds, we all realized that some “Uups ” happened right before our eyes. Of course the employees noticed our uproar after some time and fixed everything in just ten minutes.

You know, I love such moments because you not only get blasted out from routine, but you also have a chance to talk with your friends, watch the people around you with their respective behavior and be sure to have experienced something extremely funny.

Those moments remind me again that the movie industry shouldn’t focus on telling us why we - the audience - are bad for downloading movies. Instead they should tell us why cinema is wonderful. Cinema is an experience; it is more than the movie albeit being the core of everything. Going to the movie theater is a social event filled with great and wonderful moments you share with your friends.

And the movie is the cherry on the cake.