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You're never completely yourself when around other people. Every situation you're in with somebody else, you are yourself plus them, because they have an influence on you without you even realising it, without them realising it, and before anyone has even spoken. But then, if the other person is also not completely themselves when around you, does that makes for a false situation, and where does it come from? In a sense, this makes every social situation a game, in which we all play characters.

The only time I feel like I am 100% myself is when I'm by myself, and I suppose that's what I love about solitute sometimes. Although I wouldn't necessarily want to be by myself all the time, and in fact it takes away some of the meaning if there is nobody at all to share any of yourself with, I think everyone needs significant time alone along the way to rebalance themselves. Some of the most joyful experiences I've had are when I'm by myself. I wonder how many people can say that about themselves?

I suppose that the most ideal romantic relationship is one where you are able to be 100% yourself with that person. I don't think that happens in a lot of relationships, because often people will be slightly mismatched. Is that due to a fear of being alone? It would be really nice to be in a relationship where you are able to completely be yourself though. I wonder whether the reason some people don't spend much time alone is that they are afraid of who they are, they are afraid that there would be complete nothingness, complete silence, or they won't like what they see when they look inside.

I think it's true that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else or let anyone love you. When people enter into relationships as an unhappy person expecting the relationship to solve all their problems, that could be when problems occur, because they take it out on the other person?

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Blowing hot and cold,
You blow me hot and cold,
Just like a dream...
...and then like nothing,
It's like a wall,
Then you're freaked out,
Like something I don't know,
And you don't know yourself,
Like you're losing some control,
Like you trying to keep a grip,
And every time I think we click
I get so carried away,
And you have to stop me,
Or I'll spin you into infinity,
And what will happen then?

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You could:
Stay up all night,
Scream and shout,
And dance about,
Live the crazy life,
Live the dream,
Live it all,
And everything imbetween,
Fall in love with insanity,
Drink till you're drunk,
Drink till you laugh,
Drink till you bleed
All your thoughts on the floor,
And then kick them around,
Till they're all battered and bruised,
But where does it get you,
And the end of the day,
But a big gaping hole
In the centre of your head?

I'm glad I'm not you.

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In another world
We could be perfect,
We could be forever,
The deepest secrets untold
And shared in ways
That other people only dream of;

But in this world,
We are so different;
You are black
And I am golden yellow
And red
And orange
And bright sky blue
And everything imbetween;

But you are black
And sometimes white,
But inside I know your true colours,
I know that it's all just for show,
And maybe one day
You will realise
It's better to be true to yourself
Than to paint a false picture.

In another world,
In another life,
In another time,
In another place,
We would be perfect,
But right here,
Right now,
We are not.

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Crazy woman,
So crazy,
Oh you are so crazy,
With your crazy eyes
And your crazy talk
And your crazy mouth
And your crazy reasons.

Stuff you with your crazy talk.
Crazy talk!
Oh so crazy,
So very crazy!
I pity you in your crazy world,
Your crazy little world,
Without joy,
Without reasons,
All full of horror and paranoia,
You'll never know what it's like
To be normal,
To find peace,
To be free
From the chains
Of misery
In your private prison
Of paranoid thoughts.

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We are secrets in the sun;
I hold secrets of the sun;
You are my number one,
When I come undone.

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You must axcuse me,
I always get carried away;
You've never been to me,
A place I call home inside;
You must excuse me,
I'm sorry,
I was leading you along,
It's just a game I like to play;
You've never been to me;
A game I like to play;
You're absent in my world;
I'm there,
And it's perfect,
And you can't see,
I'm soft and perfect and bright yellow inside,
And what if that's not your colour?

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Singled out,
Minsunderstood,
Pushed down,
Ridiculed,
But it doesn't matter,
It's just a game we all play.

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Like cracks in a window,
Your view of me is fractured;
I am only broken on the outside.

The sun has gone from your view,
But it never left my heart;
I'm just keeping it hidden for a while,
To keep me warm inside.

Can't you see,
The problem is you not me;
I'm tired,
But not unhappy,
I just want to be quiet,
And be still,
Like a breezeless sky,
An unmoving tree,
Silence;
Purity;
Bliss.

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Some interesting things popped up whilst looking at Dogpile SearchSpy:
  • there's something quite pecular about this world of ours
  • is it in the stars or in ourselves? who will answer?
  • rape my wife
  • female burps
  • abnormal breasts
  • what is half and half
  • cgcgcgcgcgcgcgcgcgcgcgcg
  • mature wife underwear
  • i love you smiley
  • level detection wet product
  • show me the color sheffron
  • i need a recipe for baked ziti that has riccata cheese in it
  • the most powerful people in the world
  • "rockville is so green", "the island never crys"
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Now that sunshine fills the sky,
Can I truly be touched?
Can I truly be reached?
Can I truly be affected?
Can I truly be yours?
Can I truly give myself to you?
Now that everything is perfect;
Now that the sky is always blue,
What depths are there left to swim down to?
What was once the deepest ocean,
Is now a mountain top,
And maybe you can't climb that high,
And maybe I don't want to come down;
So maybe we should say goodbye?...

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Sometimes I like to try to strip away gender as part of a person's identity, and try to see them beyond that. It's hard to explain, but if I see a girl who is cute and I get on well with, I sometimes try to think of who they are beyond my perception of them as the opposite sex. Then we are just two individuals, two souls (if you want to call it that), genderless, and what does that mean, why do we take on these roles that society imposes on us? We are brought up to conform to stereotypes of what is considered male or female. But when you strip away the differences that genitals and hormones impose on us, what is it that lies underneath?

So if you fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, the person underneath that you then get to know deeply, is essentially a genderless being encased in gender and an outwards identity. And I think that's how you would really get to know someone, to get inside them, and see them beyond the gender, as an equal person, and that really excites me, especially as I kind of consider myself as being rather androgynous.

Love knows no gender.

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Some people have been searching for some very specific things according to Dogpile SearchSpy:
  • briefly, what did cavour get from napoleon iii here at plombieres? answers
  • all you need to know about tape measures
  • calculate the concentration in percentage by mass of the industrially important compound styrene c8h8
  • the man whose arms exploded greg valentino
  • was the u.s. supreme court ruling in mgm studios v. grokster correct?
  • what pill do they give poisoned patients to make them throw up?
  • triangle inscribed in circle inscribed in triangle
  • what motivated native americans to interact with settlers
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I woke up this morning to find it's snowing! The same thing happened last March too!

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Have you ever had it where you meet a new bunch of people, and they turn out to be the most wonderful, genuine people you have ever met in your life, and your time with them fills you with so much joy that you think you're going to burst?

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Whenever you need someone,
Whenever you've lost your way,
Whenever you need a friend,
Just call my name,
And I'll be there,
Asking for nothing in return,
But your smile.

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Spotted the following bizarre search phrases whilst watching Dogpile SearchSpy:

white man with forked tongue
clear channel smooth jazz
pictures of newborn acne
sex with cousin
funny pregnancy t shirts
clear plastic shoe boxes
please help me find spooky looking houses
sexier feet
mommy phone sex panties

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Dad:...a doogong.
Mum: A doogong? Where did that come from?
Dad: It just came out of my head.

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Here are some funny searches made to Dogpile SearchSpy:

It almost reads like a crazy poem...

marlin manson
"queen of the 12th grade"
old joe clark
we live together
american tractor pulling ass
whered leftover crack go
posing naked
big breast message board
rotten tomatoes
peanut butter jelly time
oh no you did not shoot that green shit at me

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Here are some funny searches made to Dogpile SearchSpy:

simplehuman
puppy clothing & material store
spinal fusion
what film was hyped in ads picturing a woman's belly button and a red rose?
sexy lesbians
blouse lovers chat forum
gits manufacturing
liar
what are the laws concerning illegal drug use
spermshack
trippy

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My body's full of sunshine,
Broken parts mended,
Running smoothly like a brand new car.

My eyes are open,
My mind is silver,
And my heart is gold.

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I had a dream last night, that I re-walked a charity walk that I did back in September, but this time I started too late in the day, and it got dark, and all the people at the checkpoints had gone home, and they'd removed all the signposts, so I didn't know where I was going and I got lost.

Then, afterwards, I was in the toilet trying to go for a wee, and loads of people from the walk came in too (mostly women), and I couldn't get the wee in the pan, I just kept spraying it everywhere and it was neverending.

I think it was just that I was needing a wee whilst I was asleep, because I needed one when I woke up. I think I get crazy dreams when I need a wee.

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I said "I dreamt of you last night,
And it was like so real,
I couldn't believe it was a dream,
And when I woke up,
Just for a split second
My entire world fell apart;
But then I suddenly realised,
It didn't matter anyway,
Because I have all the love I need
Right here in my own heart,
And I can't spend my life
Waiting for a star to fall,
When I have a bigger one
Shining much brighter
Right here inside me."

She looked at me and smiled,
Turned away,
And everything went into slow-motion,
As we stumbled in the corridors of our minds;
A new adventure,
Forwards and upwards,
Inwards and outwards and over and out;
But in my mind we were dancing like angels,
And I smiled to myself,
Because it didn't matter anyway.

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Ever heard Underworld? Well, if not, I suggest checking
them out, or at least reading some of their lyrics, because some of it
is the most insane stuff ever.

They're probably most well-know for the song Born Slippy, which was the
theme to the 1996 British film Trainspotting (starring the now-famous
Ewan McGreggor), the main part of which went:

I just come out of the ship
Talking to the most
Blonde I ever met
Shouting
Lager lager lager lager
Shouting
Lager lager lager lager
Shouting...
Lager lager lager
Shouting
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega
Shouting lager lager lager lager
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
So many things to see and do

However, probably more insane than that, is a less-well-known track
called Pearls Girl, which goes:

rioja rioja
reverend al green
deep blue morocco
the water on stone
the water on concrete
the water on sand
the water on fire smoke
the wind the salt the bride boat coming
dave in the water
old man einstein on top of his house
white deep blue
andalusia red yellow red yellow black car
red light far black place walls
blue chair morocco
hamburg paris
the pieces of the puzzle are waiting
the water of the dark boats
gliding the bride boats
gone out to sea
and dave is floating
dave is floating
and old man einstein crazy in his attic

white room
sun room
shadow room
night transmitting cars
across the room
these things sent to dance
across the room
eye watching from your bed
returning to you
rioja rioja
reverend al green
deep blue morocco
the water on stone
the water on concrete
the water on sand
the water on fire smoke
the wind the salt the bride boat coming
dave in the water
old man einstein on top of his house
white deep blue
andalusia red yellow red yellow black car
red light far black place walls
blue chair morocco
hamburg paris
the pieces of the puzzle are waiting
the water of the dark boats
gliding the bride boats
gone out to sea
and dave is floating
dave is floating
and old man einstein crazy in his attic

Or the song Juanita which declares "homeless trees gathering
outside your window".

What can it all mean?

Anyway, more about Underworld can be found here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underworld_(band)

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We've reheased this many times before
But still I get it wrong
And still you get it right
But still you get me wrong
But maybe in this moment
It's perfect and that's all that matters

I'm too old for you and you're taken
You're too young but I'm taken
To another place
Everytime you smile
And everytime I make you laugh
It's like the world's been made again

Everytime we talk
I can't help but grin
And Everytime we laugh
It's awkward
It's embarrassing
It's inappropriate
But it's fun
And it's funny
Because I don't dream you're mine
I don't really want you
It's just fun when we flirt
Because you're cute when you laugh

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