Natural Law

 Natural Law has no pity!

Men Don't Get Them

1. Free drinks.
2. Free dinners.
3. Free movies.
4. You can cry without pretending there's something in your contact.
5. We can cry and get off a speeding ticket.
6. We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg.
7. If you're not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling.
8. If you're not very attractive, you can fool 'em with makeup.
9. When you take off your shoes, nobody passes out.
10. If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
11. If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
12. Your friend won't think you're weird when you ask if there's spinach in your teeth.
13. Sometimes, chocolate truly can solve all your problems.
14. You can fully assess someone just by looking at his or her shoes.
15. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
16. You can sleep your way to the top of the class.
17. You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
18. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
19. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
20. You have the ability to dress yourself.
21. You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
22. You can quickly end any fight by crying.
23. When a ship sinks, women (and children) get off first.
24. A woman can hug her best friend without worrying she'll think she's gay.
25. Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
26. A woman can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.
27. If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it's because she was being emotionally neglected.
28. Women live longer than men.
29. Women know how to cover up spots and other facial blemishes.
30. If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one of her friends will notice.
31. Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at all).
32. Women don't feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or hairdressers.
33. Women know the truth about whether size matters.
34. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or football.
35. Women never lust after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
36. Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
37. A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever touching her rear.
38. Women don't have to worry about catching anything important in their zipper.
39. If a woman cries, she's sensitive; if a man cries, he's a wimp.
40. Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.
41. It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mummy's boy.
42. Women have total control over their eyebrows.
43. Woman don't feel threatened if their partner earns more than they do.
44. For women, a new season means a whole new wardrobe.
45. You can get free stuff just by smiling sweetly.
46. Once a month, you have an excuse to be a total bitch.
47. You don't need a special occasion to hug your dad.
48. You never have to wonder if you'll offend someone by opening the door for them.
49. When necessary, you can live without sex.
50. You can always get a ride hitchhiking.
51. You don't have to pretend to like cigars.
52. There is no penis envy.
53. You'll never have to blow 2 months salary on anything.
54. You don't think that wearing a warm coat in the dead of winter makes you look like a wuss.
55. You're rarely compelled to scream at the TV.
56. If you wear cologne, you don't have to pretend it's aftershave.
57. You'll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.
58. You don't have a scar right under your chin.
59. You and your friends don't have to get totally wasted in order to share your feelings.
60. If you talk to your mom every day, it's normal.
61. You can decide not to work once you've had kids.
62. You have never had a goatee.
63. You'll never regret piercing your ears.
64. When you wear sweatpants, it isn't obscene.
65. You don't have hair on your back.
66. Your doctor never has to put on a rubber glove.
67. When you get dumped, you can admit you're depressed.
68. If anything on your body isn't as big as it should be, you can get implants.
69. You can tell which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
70. If someone takes your seat in a bar, you don't have to hit them.
71. You can be attracted to someone just because they're really funny.
72. When you become President, you'll be the first woman ever.
73. We piss sitting down so its easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk.
74. We can marry rich and then not have to work.
75. We never have to pay when we go out on dates.
76. We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves- you guys get the couch.
77. We always have food in the fridge.
78. We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night.
79. We can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return.
80. We don't have to mow the lawn.
81. We don't have to take out the garbage
82. we don't have to paint the house or walls.
83. We don't have to constantly adjust our genitals.
84. We can just roll over and go to sleep after we masturbate because there's no messy clean-up.
85. Sweat is sexy on us.
86. We never run out of excuses.
87. We get expensive jewelery as gifts that we NEVER have to give back.
88. We're better arguers.
89. Menopause - thank god we're not capable of having children after we're 50.
90. Menstruation - just another excuse to use so we can say "no" to sex.
91. We have a higher tolerance to pain.
92. Most women actually look good in short shorts- men DON'T.
93. Women who don't wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, when men do it, its rather disgusting.
94. We have better fashion sense.
95. We're better shoppers.
96. Men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and I'm not gonna tell you).
97. Women look better naked.
98. When women are short, we're petite, when men are short, they're just short.
99. Women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood.
100. We can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it!

Teamwork

When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort.
So, even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness huh?

Male Chauvinist

1.        Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2.        Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3.        You know stuff about tanks.
4.        A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5.        Monday Night Football.
6.        You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7.        Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8.        You can open all your own jars.
9.        Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10.      Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11.      When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12.      Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13.      All your orgasms are real.
14.      A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15.      Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16.      You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17.      You understand why stripes are funny.
18.      You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19.      Your last name stays put.
20.      You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21.      When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22.      You can kill your own food.
23.      The garage is all yours.
24.      You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25.      You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."
26.      Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27.      You never have to clean the toilet.
28.      You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29.      Sex means never having to worry about your reputation.
30.      Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31.      If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32.      Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33.      The National College Cheerleading Championship.
34.      None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35.      You don't have to shave below your neck.
36.      You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
37.      If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
38.      You can write your name in the snow.
39.      You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
40.      Everything on your face stays its original color.
41.      Chocolate is just another snack.
42.      You can be president.
43.      You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44.      Flowers fix everything.
45.      You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46.      You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47.      You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48.      Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49.      You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50.      You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51.      Foreplay is optional.
52.      Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53.      Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54.      You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55.      You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56.      You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57.      Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58.      You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
59.      You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking 'he must be mad at me.'
60.      The world is your urinal.
61.      You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62.      You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63.      Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64.      One mood, all the time.
65.      You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66.      You never have to drive to another gas station because the one you just pulled into is just too skeevy.
67.      You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68.      You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
69.      Same work... more pay.
70.      Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71.      You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72.      Wedding dress $2,000; Tux rental $100.
73.      You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74.      With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries... at least in theory.
75.      You don't mooch off other's desserts.
76.      If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77.      The remote is yours and yours alone.
78.      People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79.      ESPN's sport center.
80.      You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81.      Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82.      You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83.      You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84.      You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85.      If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86.      Someday you'll be a dirty ol' man.
87.      You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase, "F*@# It!"
88.      If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89.      Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90.      The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91.      You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92.      You think the idea of punting a small dog or cat is funny.
93.      If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the      room.
94.      New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95.      Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96.      You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97.      Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98.      Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So... notice anything different?"
99.      Baywatch.
100.    There is always a game on somewhere.

Airline Food

Eating the catered meals they serve on airplanes is always a memorable experience.

In the first place, you have to admit it is exciting to open that little carton of salad oil and find a stream of Thousand Islands dressing rocketing onto your blouse. Then, too, where else would you able to dig into a perfectly rectangular chicken? And let's not forget the soggy, lukewarm mushrooms which are accused by the menu of having smothered the geometrical bird. They look and taste exactly like the ear jacks that are forever falling off your headset.

After several futile attempts to swallow the food, you gulp it down with the mineral water (aka sky juice) provided in a plastic cup, return the tray, and lay back - No harm done!

The TV Culture

A TV-Connected Family

"American children and adolescents spend 22 to 28 hours per week viewing television, more than any other activity except sleeping. By the age of 70 they will have spent 7 to 10 years of their lives watching TV."
-- The Kaiser Family Foundation

"Children cannot learn to read by watching television. Television is just background noise and a distraction."
-- First Lady Laura Bush

Watching television is not an intellectual exercise. TV requires the viewer to put the mind on cruise control and soak up inane dialogue, smiling news anchors and continuous commercials. In 1984, the U.S. Federal Communications Commission (FCC) Chairman Mark Fowler said that television was nothing more than a "toaster with pictures" and did not need to be regulated more than any other appliance. Under Fowler's tenure, FCC started to re-regulate the industry; so huge media conglomerates could purchase and control more of the TV industry. Fowler's view was: "We let the marketplace and the viewers decide what goes out there. Some people love watching wrestling. It's terrible programming, but some like it. That's the marketplace." This statement, however, is not true. The public has little input into programming choices and will watch whatever slop is broadcast. Television programming is not voted on by the public, but dictatorially chosen by network executives. In a sense, TV is an example of supply side economics -- where it is the manufacturer who creates demand by controlling supply.

As a result, television has gotten pretty stupid. The "toaster with pictures" comment endures because that part of Fowler's theory is true. Though TV has a greater impact on the world than a toaster, it is a simple appliance that doesn't really do much. A toaster toasts bread -- you can turn it on and off and change a few settings. A television turns on and off and you can change a few settings.

If bad television is dumbing down society, then good television is dumbing up society, either way the effect is the same. Someone who reads a lot may sound intellectual or knowledgeable -- but someone who watches a lot of TV looks and sounds like the two stoners from the movie Dude, Where's My Car?

Source -- Kill Your Television

Will This Job Be Challenging Enough?

Remember, Kent was not Superman's true identity as Bruce Wayne was the Batman's. Just the opposite. Clark Kent was the fiction. Other great comic book heroes – the Shadows, the Green Hornet, The Lone Ranger – were not only more vulnerable; they were fakes. The Shadow had to cloud men's minds to be in business. The Green Hornet had to go through the fetishist fol-de-rol of donning costume, floppy hat, black mask, gas gun, menacing automobile, and insect sound effects before he was even ready to go out in the street. The Lone Ranger needed an accoutremental white horse, an Indian, and an establishing cry of Hi-Yo Silver to separate him from all those other masked men running around the West in days of yesteryear.

But Superman had only to wake up in the morning to be Superman. In his case, Clark Kent was the put-on. The fellow with the eyeglasses and the acne and the walk girls laughed at wasn't real, didn't exist, was a sacrificial disguise, an act of discreet martyrdom. Had they but known!

And for what purpose? Did Superman become Clark Kent in order to lead a normal life, have friends, be known as a nice guy, meet girls? Hardly … How can one be a cowardly star reporter, subject to fainting spells in time of crisis, and not expect to raise serious questions?

The truth may be that Kent existed not for the purpose of the story but for the reader. He is Superman's opinion of the rest of us, a pointed caricature of what we, the non-criminal element, were really like, His fake identity was our real one. That's why we loved him so. For if that wasn't really us, if there were no Clark Kents, only lots of glasses and cheap suits which, when removed, revealed all of us in our true identities – what a hell of an improved world it would have been!

Fly Me to the Moon

Onboard the cruise ship, in the ballroom, about a thousand passengers were assembled. It was late at night and they sat waiting in a circle around the dance floor. Their attention was directed at a red runner that was rolled out from the stage to the end of the dance floor. The light was switched off except a few spotlights aimed at the runner that was for the night's guest star, reputed to be the world's best female vocalist, brought to the ship direct from Las Vegas and flown out to the ship on the high seas in a helicopter. Suddenly the curtain opened and to the accompaniment of the world's best pianist (without offending all other pianists) the diva stalked ahead with elegance and adjusted movements singing the song: "Fly Me to the Moon". By her side, hidden by the darkness, a large fan blew a friendly breeze towards her. This made the garment she was wearing, consisting of several yards of long, light, sinful-red stuff, flies smoothly out like a banner. The garment was fastened around her body by means of small, glittering diamond studs. The breeze also made her long blond hair move in an atmosphere of romance. Then, like a bolt from the blue, a bang burst in the two thousand ears from the fan motor and out from it sparks spouted like fireworks. The fan accelerated to an extremely high speed making a screaming and strident noise. Her long blond hair, in reality a wig, loosened and flew like a sprite into the darkness. Her own hair appeared like fifty thousand pencil-strokes straight out in the air. The diamond studs had no chance against the madness of the fan motor and one by one they loosened except those over her shoulders. Several yards of light red material lashed backwards whilst the lady stood leaning forward with her center of gravity perfectly placed between the horizontal and vertical forces. The ship's cruise director who had been observing the performance from the wings, flung himself at this juncture, into a gallant attempt to come to the lady's rescue. But he was caught by something, which once had been a great creation in the world of fashion. The cloth enfolded him making him appear peculiar, almost sinister, as he stood there leaning forward with his hands raised. While this occurred the lights were slowly turned on at the same time as the ship's electrician was able to cut the power supply to the fan motor. It was observed that the performance was well received by everyone with the exception of a few passengers who found the show somewhat audacious. The lady did not get her wish in the song. Unfortunately. Some issues in the writ, however, now indicate that NASA may expect a competitor in the future. If the jury comply with her claim, money will not stop her.

Plastic Surgery

A couple of lines from "Batman/Deathblow: After the Fire" by Brian Azzarello "Despite your own rigid beliefs, the world doesn't function on a cut and dried, black and white system... but millions of shades of gray. I'm one. Whether you like it or not, so are you."

"The world's not a coin... and it's not round either. It's like a diamond; multi-faceted."