Print this article
The people's choice vs Larry
Poll Results In one of the tightest contests ever seen in a Reg poll, columnist and software developer Ted Dziuba has emerged as the people's choice to be Barack Obama's "Chief Technology Officer". Dziuba beat off a stiff challenge from Hans Reiser, the fallen Linux guru who was sentenced to 15 years for murder in an Oakland, Ca. court last week.…
Shoot-em-up promo creates real life car chaos
Another great moment in the annals of computer game PR stunts today - Electronic Arts caused gridlock this morning by offering £40 of free petrol to punters in Finsbury Park, north London.…
Parents, eh?
The regular readers among you will know we're a bit fond of stories relating to parents who slap their sprogs with ill-advised or downright perverse names, as evidenced by the cases of 4Real, Metallica, @, John Blake Cusack Version 2.0, Renault Megane and, spectacularly, Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.…
White-knuckle rollercoaster of a movie in prospect
The recent shock news that Sony had commissioned West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin to knock together a screenplay about how Facebook redefined just about every paradigm open to redefinition was greeted with a mixture of horror, disbelief and out-and-out jaw-dropping incredulity among Reg readers.…
And the winners are...
It's hats off to you, our beloved readers, for your massive response to our challenge to create an "Elderly people" sign to replace the current couple of cripples hobbling down to the bingo - an image which doesn't much impress campaigning old timers organisation Age Concern.…
Chrome recruits Maximilian von Hapsburg
Our shock revelation yesterday that Google had redrawn the map of Europe to apparently cede several European nations to a Greater Germany provoked a flurry of comments suggesting what on God's Green Earth the search monolith was up to:…
Chrome redraws the map of Europe
We've got some rather shocking news this afternoon for those of you who've spent years believing you're Austrian, Belgian, Danish or Dutch - you're not.…
'Primeval physiological response' to luxury motors
It's official: If you want to turn a woman on, ditch the Volkswagen Polo and get yourself a Maserati, which is 100 per cent guaranteed to get those vital testosterone secretions flowing.…
Pre-engagement tumescence requires Singapore sling
A Malaysian welder who tried to lengthen his penis by fitting a nut to it had to have skin removed and blood drained before doctors could remove the offending add-on.…
'Twas on the good ship Venus...
NSFW Our shock exposé earlier this week of the Portsmouth Historic Dockyard poster campaign outrage promoted a provocative call to Vulture Central from one "Barnacle Bill", who claimed to have been party to the original promotion brainstorm which eventually led to the rather unfortunately accurate depiction of seafaring life back in the days of the tall ships:…
You - off that booth. Now.
IFA Go here for an update to this story.…
Apple big cheese obit cock-up
Bloomberg yesterday dispatched Apple supremo Steve Jobs to the hereafter with a 17-page obit inadvertently published during an apparent update, Gawker reports.…
Rogue staffer tinkers with login trousers
Updated: Set yourself a rude password at Lloyds TSB, and it is just possible that you might find it changed to something politer. That was the experience of Lloyds customer Steve Jetley, who attempted to set "Lloyds is pants" as his telephone banking password.…
'Julie Moult is an idiot'
A hapless Daily Mail hack's failure to understand Googlebombing has led to her becoming victim of her own twisted definition of the mischief-making practice.…
Rum, sodomy and the lash
Avast there and unfurl the Twat-O-Tron ye scurvy landlubbers of Middle England, lest Portsmouth Historic Dockyard make barrel boys of ye all, damn their eyes:…
He won't be manning the switchboard, that's for sure
Chichester District Council has provoked the wrath of Middle England by suggesting to staff and members that the phrase "man on the street" would better be expressed by "general public", since the former is "based on the assumption that the world is male and makes the views or work of women invisible".…
And percussive maintenance, evidently
Our Street View spycar Google Maps Web 0.2 mashup has proved a spectacular success, with around 85 sightings to date submitted by sharp-eyed readers and 400,000 hits down there at the search monolith's cartographical tentacle...…
Sine qua nun?
Updated! Father Jack would dribble into his drink - a rather open-minded Italian priest is running a beauty contest for nuns.…
And the radio, and some trams
TV and radio were knocked out for a couple of hours in Switzerland on Sunday - after a squirrel got itself electrocuted. The trams stopped running too for a short time in Zurich, the venue for the squirrel-short circuit action.…
Tooled up to deliver 'justified yet merciful force'
Cops in Clifton, New Jersey, earlier this week cuffed two ninja vigilantes dressed in black SWAT-style vests and carrying knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows, who were apparently on their way to deliver cease-and-desist letters to local drug peddlers, AP reports.…
'It's Rainham Sheds, hallelujah...'
The musically-minded among you will be aware that we at El Reg have a soft spot for corporate anthems - especially those which provoke the desire to pull your teeth out with pliers.…
'They'll never take away my typos!'
Lady and gentlemen,…
Yes? Click here to prove it
Competition The revelation yesterday that some old timers didn't much like being portrayed as hunchback cripples on the UK's "Please don't run over elderly persons" road sign prompted the rather intelligent suggestion from some commenters that we at El Reg should offer a suitably non-patronising alternative.…
The first day of the rest of my heroism
And Ninthly Friends, fans, tireless proles who hope for just a taste of all I've enjoyed - I must bid you "goodbye" or at least "see you later."…
HBOS boss conned
Updated Identity fraudsters have claimed the prize scalp of the chief exec of HBOS bank.…
It's true, believe us...
Ok, we apologise: Not only has this story got no IT angle, but it's not even a story at all, just a feeble excuse to run an extravagantly silly headline.…
Barf, wind and fire
A 12-year-old Tipton lad has demonstrated why it's a really bad idea to light your own farts in close proximity to a can of petrol, after he did just that and ended up with 18 per cent burns to his thumb and the backs of his legs.…
Pot luck?
A turtle with a GPS tracker attached to its shell has accidentally stumbled across a teenager’s secret horde of cannabis plants.…
Upright send-off for murdered 'joker'
A murdered Puerto Rican man who always insisted he'd like to spend his own wake on foot has been granted his wish after grieving relatives propped him in a corner of his house for three days while they said their goodbyes.…
Bad news for 49,447 petrolheads
Having given due consideration to an e-petition demanding that Gordo stand down and make way for Jeremy Clarkson as PM - a campaign which attracted an impressive 49,447 signatures - Downing Street has posted a response on its YouTube channel:…
Warning: Patronised pensioners ahead
Campaigning old timers organisation Age Concern is demanding the scrapping of the "Elderly Persons" road sign, which suggests that advanced years come at the price of a hunched back and a hobble to the shops propped up on a walking stick.…
Keywords no one bids on for a reason
Microsoft Adcenter helpfully sent me a link to lists of low-cost keywords I could advertise on, categorised by sector, to “unlock new customers”. I had a quick look through the ’sport and rec’ list. Here is a small sample:…
Pre-match entertainment ends in 'major embarrassment'
Burnley FC has suspended all pre-match entertainments at its Turf Moor stadium after a member of the elite Red Devils parachute team performed an unscheduled assault on the roof of the ground's David Fishwick stand, the BBC reports.…
They knew the risks
The long dry* summer wears on, rendering habitats parched and flammable as tinder. Pockets containing iPods are one such habitat and the annual outbreak of gadgetry-related conflagrations is under way.…
Saucy Spanish comic besmirches Snowy image
A salacious Spanish reinterpretation of a Tintin story has been yanked from bookshops as a yucky stain on the comic book character.…
France's name is merde
France’s bid to have its cuisine listed as a world treasure has been dealt a blow after it emerged that a quarter of its restaurants break hygiene rules or serve up food unfit for human consumption.…
A facelift for Clue(do)
American toy and game giant Hasbro has given Clue(do) an overhaul, murdering Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and the rest of the 60-year-old board game's famous cast of characters.…
Click bots shovel stock into secret Swiss bank
Update: After further investigation, it's likely the Google Will Eat Itself project is indeed ia hoax - though those behind it say that it's not.…
Building iBurnt, nobody iHurt
A three-alarm fire scorched the roof and damaged offices at Apple's Cupertino, California campus late Tuesday evening.…
Taxi drivers, PCSOs shocked by windowsill sex romp
Oldham council’s “preferred service provider” gave the whole community an eyeful when two members of staff serviced one another, unaware they were being watched by a crowd of 20 people.…
Gov pharmacy pushes dildos over plastic vaginas
Outraged Swedish men are up in arms over the state run pharmacy Apoteket’s policy of stocking only female-oriented sex toys.…
Booger cloner 'fesses up to being Mormon-cuffer
The mystery that has gripped the world for days on end is finally resolved today as Bernann McKinney, keeper of cloned canids, admitted to being Joyce McKinney, molester of Mormon missionaries.…
Georgia on its mind. Just not the right one
Google may have plans to catalogue all the world's information, but it's found itself a bit confused between the former Soviet republic of Georgia and the southern US state.…
Reg proposes McKinnon/McKinney extradition deal
The miraculous rebirth of Booger the pit bull has been overshadowed by a row over the identity of the cloned dog’s owner.…
'Project Beauty' for Nintendo DS
Perhaps you've rescued the universe from marauding space pirates on your Nintendo DS — but can you save civilization from your own ugly face?…
Silkworms 2.0
The Free Software Foundation is asking for someone travelling back from China to bring a small package back with them, presumably leading to some interesting questions at airport security.…
University lecturer waves through wonky wordage
Proof that the revised maxim "If you can't beat 'em, fuck it all off and have some pie" is increasingly the norm reaches us today, as a senior university lecturer throws his hands aloft and declares a spelling amnesty. According to the Times, Dr Ken Smith of Buckinghamshire New University* suggests a list of 20 common mistakes should be waved through as 'variants'.…
'Goons. Hired goons.'
Much as we love our belittling, thankless toil rewarding career at the Reg, we have from time to time mused that it would be good to find a vocation in which we could fully express our suppressed violent side. And so it is that today we find ourselves tempted by this Craigslist ad, apparently placed by authentic supervillain Jacque (The Zapper) Zerapi, who is in need of tidy sorts to form a 30-strong gang of henchmen.…
'See you at the debates, bitches'
Paris Hilton got astride the hustings in the US presidential election today, and redrew the boundaries on the previous front runners’ energy policies.…
Windscreen-licking Belgians barely escape GPS of Doom
Here at Vulture Central we are connoisseurs of the hilarious near-death satnav blunder, which is to news as deep-fried jetwash poultry giblo-nuggets are to nutrition - disgusting, unsatisfying, the bane of society and yet snorked up in moments even by those who should know better. Today the wires bring us what may very well be the sidesplitting GPS human misery pratfall to rule them all.…