Print this articleA Quebec man may face criminal charges after a woman died while they were having sadomasochistic sex.
The 39-year-old woman died Saturday night in a home in Saint-Bruno-de-Montarville on Montreal's South Shore, police said.
She went into cardiac arrest while engaging in "out of the ordinary" sexual practices using "very particular" accessories, said Longueuil police agent Martin Simard.
When police arrived at the residence on Sommet-Trinité Street, the man was trying to resuscitate the woman, but she died, Simard said.
Police say they found torture devices in the homes, but would not give specifics.
The man was arrested and questioned but released without charge, police said.
Investigators are waiting for the autopsy report to determine if he'll be charged with criminal negligence causing death.
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The 39-year-old woman died Saturday night in a home in Saint-Bruno-de-Montarville on Montreal's South Shore, police said.
She went into cardiac arrest while engaging in "out of the ordinary" sexual practices using "very particular" accessories, said Longueuil police agent Martin Simard.
When police arrived at the residence on Sommet-Trinité Street, the man was trying to resuscitate the woman, but she died, Simard said.
Police say they found torture devices in the homes, but would not give specifics.
The man was arrested and questioned but released without charge, police said.
Investigators are waiting for the autopsy report to determine if he'll be charged with criminal negligence causing death.
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Scientists at the University of Newcastle have managed to create human sperm cells using a female embryonic stem cell.
The researchers, led by Prof Karim Nayernia, had previously created primitive sperm cells from male bone marrow. They’re currently working on making the cells from female bone marrow, which would be much easier and more practical than creating them from embryos.
The creation means that lesbian couples could soon have children that shared the DNA of both women, rather than having one male biological father. A sperm cell created from one partner could fertilize her partner’s egg.
There is some question about whether a sperm cell created from a female could produce viable, healthy offspring. The human female sperm cells could not in their current state produce offspring as they do not have the correct amount of genetic material. The team must next have the cells undergo meiosis to make sure the cells have the correct amount of genetic material.
That will likely only be a minor roadblock. Prof Nayernia has already overcome this problem with sperm cells created from male cells. In 2006, he used sperm created from embryonic stem cells to impregnate mice. The mice produced 7 pups, although one died and the other six had health problems.
Ok, so it may be overstating it a bit to say that males will be irrelevant. Just because we’re not technically needed to breed doesn’t mean women will no longer find men attractive, right? After all, we’re good for a lot more than just baby making. We’ve got tons to offer! For instance, just the other day I assembled a chair from Ikea, and it only wobbles a tiny bit when you sit on it. Also, I’m frequently asked to kill insects. I think we men have a bright future.
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The researchers, led by Prof Karim Nayernia, had previously created primitive sperm cells from male bone marrow. They’re currently working on making the cells from female bone marrow, which would be much easier and more practical than creating them from embryos.
The creation means that lesbian couples could soon have children that shared the DNA of both women, rather than having one male biological father. A sperm cell created from one partner could fertilize her partner’s egg.
There is some question about whether a sperm cell created from a female could produce viable, healthy offspring. The human female sperm cells could not in their current state produce offspring as they do not have the correct amount of genetic material. The team must next have the cells undergo meiosis to make sure the cells have the correct amount of genetic material.
That will likely only be a minor roadblock. Prof Nayernia has already overcome this problem with sperm cells created from male cells. In 2006, he used sperm created from embryonic stem cells to impregnate mice. The mice produced 7 pups, although one died and the other six had health problems.
Ok, so it may be overstating it a bit to say that males will be irrelevant. Just because we’re not technically needed to breed doesn’t mean women will no longer find men attractive, right? After all, we’re good for a lot more than just baby making. We’ve got tons to offer! For instance, just the other day I assembled a chair from Ikea, and it only wobbles a tiny bit when you sit on it. Also, I’m frequently asked to kill insects. I think we men have a bright future.
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I lost my virginity later than the average guy. Before I got laid for the first time I had read a fair amount about sex. I took Sex Education classes in school. I read articles on positions and techniques in Maxim and Cosmo. I read sites like www.sexuality.org. I read the Savage Love column every week. I also looked at tons of porn on the internet and through my PlayStation 2's handy DVD player. All in all, I thought even though I had never done it myself, I knew most of what there was to know about sex.
Then I started having it and I kept discovering all these basic things that had somehow passed me by. In all the stuff I read and watched these things never came up. I never heard anyone talking about them either. I guess they assumed that the audience was already having sex and that knowing these things was a given. And it seems that porn glosses some things over or does not reflect what actual sex is like. I know, I'm as shocked as you are. So here's my list of basic sexual stuff that I only found out about when I came across it myself.
Hopefully reading this will make life easier for the virgins out there in some way, you know, by lessening that fear of the unknown or whatever. I think the most common theme below is that sex is not as glamorous as it's sometimes made out to be. However, 'not glamorous' isn't the same as 'not enjoyable'. Sex is awesome. If anything, all the little quirks I'll mention below make it more fun.
Positions
From reading and watching porn I thought positions like missionary, doggy style, woman-on-top, etc. were simple, cut-and-dry things. I soon found out that each one has tons of subtle variations based on things like how you position your legs, the position of her legs, how deep inside her you are in a resting position, the angle you're thrusting in, the position of your upper body, how high or low your hips are on her body, how your bodies fit together, and so on and so on.
With some variations her vagina will seem like a straight tunnel that you can easily go in-and-out, in-and-out of. With other variations you're mostly inside her, can only thrust a little, and you're more grinding pelvises together.
For example, if you're in the missionary position:
If you put your legs together and straight back, you'll get a different feeling then if you had them spread out to your sides and had your knees further up on the bed.
If she spreads her legs you'll be able to thrust in one way. If she lifts them up and wraps them behind your back, you'll be able to thrust deeper.
If you rest on your elbows you'll enter her at one angle and be able to thrust in a certain way. If you straighten your arms and rest on your hands you'll thrust at a different angle.
If the top of your hip bone roughly matches up with hers you'll get a certain angle and depth. If you try to 'ride higher' you'll get a different angle and depth.
If your upper body is parallel to hers things'll go one way. If you raise your torso up to around 45 degrees things'll be slightly different.
What works one way with a petite girl may not feel the same with a girl who's closer to your height.
The idea is you have to play around with these variations in position to find a way that feels good for both of you (or just you if you're selfish).
Vaginal lubrication
You probably know that the vagina secretes a natural lubricant and that women get 'wet'. I knew that basic fact too, but I learned some more things about the process firsthand.
It runs out at some point and she'll get dry, and eventually uncomfortable, during sex. Sometimes you have to pull out and apply some lube. At other times you can keep going for a bit and she'll get wet again.
If the girl gets too wet during sex it can reduce the friction to the point where you don't really feel anything. If she's too dry it doesn't feel that great for you either.
If enough of it accumulates it has a whitish, mayonnaise look to it. Sometimes you'll finish having sex and when you pull out and look down you'll see a big drop of it running down between her legs.
If you're going at in the missionary position, it may run out on to the bed and leave a wet spot on the sheets that's a bit white when it dries.
Erections
If you watch porn you may wonder why the guy's erection is sometimes slow to grow. You're thinking that if you were in his shoes you'd be as hard as a rock in a second.
Nope, the same thing will happen to you. Once the intial thrill of hooking up with this girl/girls in general wears off, your erection will often start to get soft when your penis isn't being directly stimulated.
Being drunk, being distracted, and bad technique on the girl's part can contribute to your not getting it up quickly.
After putting on a condom you may need to jerk yourself off for a second to get it a bit harder before you stick it in her.
If it's not hard enough you'll have a hard time putting it in. It'll tend to bend or slide out of the way instead of penetrating. However, if it's slightly soft and you manage to get in it, you can often get it harder quickly once you start thrusting.
If the sex isn't great and/or you're distracted and/or something messed up happens you may start to go soft once you're inside her.
Sticking it in
You've probably heard jokes about this before. Yep, it can be hard to find the hole. Even if you know where you need to go visually, the vaginal entrance can be smaller and tighter than you think so you may not feel exactly where you need to insert the tip of your penis.
With missionary it's fairly obvious where you need to put it, but if you're trying to guide it in blind then it can be awkward.
With doggy style the hole is further up then you'd think.
When the girl is on top the angle of her vaginal tunnel can give you problems and you can't really see what you're doing. It's best if she guides it in herself.
Like I said above, if you're a bit soft then you can have trouble putting it in.
If you fail to get it in properly your dick will slide somewhere else and may feel like it's in for a second or two.
All this is more difficult if you have a condom on, as it's harder to feel what you're doing.
Climaxing
You may also watch porn and wonder why the guy sometimes has to jerk off for a few minutes before delivering the money shot. You're thinking if you were in that position you'd pop off no problem.
Again, the same thing may happen to you. Sometimes you'll be having sex/getting a blowjob/jerking off and you won't be able to cum. If the stimulation isn't effective it can happen. If you put too much pressure on yourself to orgasm on demand it can happen.
The more common stereotype is that men finish too quickly and that they have to think about stuff like baseball in order to last any real length of time. But not being able to cum happens too. Not all guys are losers who are done in thirty seconds. Finishing too soon definitely happens, but not every single time.
In many cases you're not just going to cum instantly as soon as you start pounding away, you have to find the speed, angle, depth, etc. that feels good for you. It's not automatic, just like you can't just masturbate in any random way. You have to do what's effective for you.
On a related note, women don't always want to have marathon sex sessions. Sometimes they'll get tired of the guy stabbing away endlessly, especially if it's not doing anything for them. Sometimes they'll start to get dry and sore. Sometimes they'll have an orgasm or two and think that's enough. Sometimes they'll just be happy with a good twenty minutes of fun sex and not have any need to go for longer.
Minor injuries
It can be irritating to your skin when your sweaty pubic hair rubs against hers.
Someone's hair my get accidentally pulled or caught.
Someone may clumsily fall over as you're changing positions (e.g., when she's getting off you from being on top, when you try to transition from missionary with you kneeling and her laying down to missionary with both of you laying down).
You may hit your head against the headboard, har har har.
When you're going at it missionary style you can end up hitting the bottom of your bladder on her pelvic bone. That gets old after ten minutes...
Your knees and elbows can get sore after a while from rubbing on the bed/floor/etc.
During doggy style if you slip out and then accidently thrust back into her pelvis. This can hurt the tip of your dick.
If she's riding you and you slip out she can come down on your dick. Usually it gets bent a little and hurts for a minute. At the worst you can rupture the tissue and take a trip to the hospital.
You may get scratches, bruises, pulled hair (purposely this time), and bite marks. That's cool.
You may fall off the bed or hit your elbow against the wall or something else like that. You just gotta laugh when this shit happen.
Condoms
First let me say that you should always wear these things despite what I say below. You know what can happen if you don't. You may have heard guys complain about condoms, saying they kill the mood or whatever. It's true, they are kind of annoying.
They kill spontaneity. You can't smoothly progress from foreplay to sex. You have to stop the action to go grab a condom, open it, and then put it on.
They smell bad.
They kill sensation, sometimes to the point where you can barely feel your own dick inside the girl. On the plus side, they can allow you to last longer.
Sometimes when you're inside the girl they'll bunch up in weird ways and feel strange.
They interrupt the flow of things after sex is over. You have to pull out, take the condom off, and get rid of it.
Messiness
You probably know this already, but overall sex is messier than what you see on t.v. or in porn.
You're going to get hot and sweaty of course.
The woman's lubrication is going to dribble all over the place and possibly stain the sheets. Someone is going to get semen on them at some point. Condom wrappers are going to litter the ground. You may kiss passionately and slobber all over each other.
Someone may let out a fart right in the middle of things.
Sometimes when you pull out and she changes positions she'll fart out her vagina (queefing).
If you finger her your fingers may be covered with a lot of her clear lubricant when you pull them out. You may have to wipe them off on your leg or something. Classy.
If you have sex when she's on her period, well use your imagination.
If you have anal sex you may get some poo on your dick.
If you have a good session, when you're done you're going to be sweaty, red faced, tired, and a bit out of it. Your hair will be messed up, gross stray hairs will be stuck to your skin, the girl will have a bit of white lubricant running out of her cootch. You'll have a bit of cum dribbling out of your dick. There will be at least one condom wrapper on the floor, the sheets and pillows will be all over the place, and the bed will have a wet spot on it. If you cuddle afterwards you'll start to stick together and it'll feel gross when you pull apart. It's great.
General differences from masturbation and porn
If I had to give a simplified summary I'd say masturbating is all about the visuals while actual sex is more about physical feelings. Of course masturbation is about the physical feelings too, but if you're anything like me, the visuals drive the experience and provide most of the excitement. When you're using your imagination you keep flipping between different scenarios until you hit on one that does it for you. When you watch porn you probably skip around between different DVD scenes or online clips until you hit on one that turns you on the most.
With sex some positions give you something to look at, but you're hardly sitting in a chair watching a scene that has been shot from a distance and angle that gives you a good view. If you're doing a girl in the missionary position you're too close to her to see anything. Your eyes are probably closed, or if they're open they may not be focused on anything. You're probably kissing her or you may have your head nuzzled in her neck. Cut off from the visuals you instead concentrate on the tactile sensations; your dick going in and out of her vagina, your bodies pressed together, her hands scratching your back, her breath on your cheek, how hot you are, the sweat forming on the small of your back, your hands grabbing her boobs, kissing, and various little aches, tired spots, and discomforts. And then there are the sounds and smells; body parts slapping together, her breathing and moaning. The smell of latex, sweat, someone's breath, or her vag.
Of course, sometimes when you're going at it you'll be picturing things in your head to help yourself get off. Like maybe your girlfriend is going down on you and that feels pretty nice, but not quite perfect, so you imagine a porn scene or hot girl you saw the other day to get yourself over the edge.
Also, when you watch porn you can mistakingly associate the visual act you're witnessing with the sensations you're giving yourself. For example, say you have a thing for titty fucking scenes in porn. And let's say as you're watching, you're masturbating in a fast, intense manner. You know your body so of course it's going to feel good. But actual titty fucking probably doesn't feel like your fast, intense, just-right wanking. The true physical sensations may or may not be your cup of tea. You may find them too slow or soft for your tastes and be disappointed in the real thing. Here's another example: Maybe when you watch porn you really like the reverse cowgirl position (girl on top facing away from the guy). As a third party observer this position gives you something to look at. But when you're actually the guy all you see is the girl's back and, again, the sensations of her riding you aren't the same as the just-right wanking feelings you gave yourself when you were watching two other people doing it.
Some more observations about how real sex differs from porn and the movies
Obviously in real life it's a lot more sweaty, clumsy, grunty, and primal than dramatic Hollywood love scenes make it out to be.
In porn the positions are all about making the sex visable to the camera and to give you a good look at the woman's body. In real life concerns such as being close to each other often take precedence.
Personally I've never had sex under the sheets. They just get in the way.
Personally I think having sex with all your clothes on kind of sucks (it's a bit awkward and skin on skin contact feels so much better), but you see it all the time in movies and t.v. shows (e.g., The Sopranos). Of course they've got other, more practical, reasons for portraying it like this.
What amuses me in movies now is what you could call the 'instant penetration.' You see it all the time if you look for it. A man and woman will be in their underwear, or even fully clothed, in some sexually charged situation. Maybe the woman is sitting on the man's lap (both in their underwear remember), or the man is standing behind the woman. The camera is focused on their faces. Then the guy will make a little movement, the woman will gasp, and then they'll close their eyes and start moaning, the implication being that the man achieved vaginal penetration off-camera. Yeah, not that quick and easy in real life. You've got to move your clothes out of the way, line things up, the guy has to be hard enough, the woman needs to be pretty wet, and often the man has to guide his penis in with his hand. Otherwise it's a much more awkward procedure.
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Then I started having it and I kept discovering all these basic things that had somehow passed me by. In all the stuff I read and watched these things never came up. I never heard anyone talking about them either. I guess they assumed that the audience was already having sex and that knowing these things was a given. And it seems that porn glosses some things over or does not reflect what actual sex is like. I know, I'm as shocked as you are. So here's my list of basic sexual stuff that I only found out about when I came across it myself.
Hopefully reading this will make life easier for the virgins out there in some way, you know, by lessening that fear of the unknown or whatever. I think the most common theme below is that sex is not as glamorous as it's sometimes made out to be. However, 'not glamorous' isn't the same as 'not enjoyable'. Sex is awesome. If anything, all the little quirks I'll mention below make it more fun.
Positions
From reading and watching porn I thought positions like missionary, doggy style, woman-on-top, etc. were simple, cut-and-dry things. I soon found out that each one has tons of subtle variations based on things like how you position your legs, the position of her legs, how deep inside her you are in a resting position, the angle you're thrusting in, the position of your upper body, how high or low your hips are on her body, how your bodies fit together, and so on and so on.
With some variations her vagina will seem like a straight tunnel that you can easily go in-and-out, in-and-out of. With other variations you're mostly inside her, can only thrust a little, and you're more grinding pelvises together.
For example, if you're in the missionary position:
If you put your legs together and straight back, you'll get a different feeling then if you had them spread out to your sides and had your knees further up on the bed.
If she spreads her legs you'll be able to thrust in one way. If she lifts them up and wraps them behind your back, you'll be able to thrust deeper.
If you rest on your elbows you'll enter her at one angle and be able to thrust in a certain way. If you straighten your arms and rest on your hands you'll thrust at a different angle.
If the top of your hip bone roughly matches up with hers you'll get a certain angle and depth. If you try to 'ride higher' you'll get a different angle and depth.
If your upper body is parallel to hers things'll go one way. If you raise your torso up to around 45 degrees things'll be slightly different.
What works one way with a petite girl may not feel the same with a girl who's closer to your height.
The idea is you have to play around with these variations in position to find a way that feels good for both of you (or just you if you're selfish).
Vaginal lubrication
You probably know that the vagina secretes a natural lubricant and that women get 'wet'. I knew that basic fact too, but I learned some more things about the process firsthand.
It runs out at some point and she'll get dry, and eventually uncomfortable, during sex. Sometimes you have to pull out and apply some lube. At other times you can keep going for a bit and she'll get wet again.
If the girl gets too wet during sex it can reduce the friction to the point where you don't really feel anything. If she's too dry it doesn't feel that great for you either.
If enough of it accumulates it has a whitish, mayonnaise look to it. Sometimes you'll finish having sex and when you pull out and look down you'll see a big drop of it running down between her legs.
If you're going at in the missionary position, it may run out on to the bed and leave a wet spot on the sheets that's a bit white when it dries.
Erections
If you watch porn you may wonder why the guy's erection is sometimes slow to grow. You're thinking that if you were in his shoes you'd be as hard as a rock in a second.
Nope, the same thing will happen to you. Once the intial thrill of hooking up with this girl/girls in general wears off, your erection will often start to get soft when your penis isn't being directly stimulated.
Being drunk, being distracted, and bad technique on the girl's part can contribute to your not getting it up quickly.
After putting on a condom you may need to jerk yourself off for a second to get it a bit harder before you stick it in her.
If it's not hard enough you'll have a hard time putting it in. It'll tend to bend or slide out of the way instead of penetrating. However, if it's slightly soft and you manage to get in it, you can often get it harder quickly once you start thrusting.
If the sex isn't great and/or you're distracted and/or something messed up happens you may start to go soft once you're inside her.
Sticking it in
You've probably heard jokes about this before. Yep, it can be hard to find the hole. Even if you know where you need to go visually, the vaginal entrance can be smaller and tighter than you think so you may not feel exactly where you need to insert the tip of your penis.
With missionary it's fairly obvious where you need to put it, but if you're trying to guide it in blind then it can be awkward.
With doggy style the hole is further up then you'd think.
When the girl is on top the angle of her vaginal tunnel can give you problems and you can't really see what you're doing. It's best if she guides it in herself.
Like I said above, if you're a bit soft then you can have trouble putting it in.
If you fail to get it in properly your dick will slide somewhere else and may feel like it's in for a second or two.
All this is more difficult if you have a condom on, as it's harder to feel what you're doing.
Climaxing
You may also watch porn and wonder why the guy sometimes has to jerk off for a few minutes before delivering the money shot. You're thinking if you were in that position you'd pop off no problem.
Again, the same thing may happen to you. Sometimes you'll be having sex/getting a blowjob/jerking off and you won't be able to cum. If the stimulation isn't effective it can happen. If you put too much pressure on yourself to orgasm on demand it can happen.
The more common stereotype is that men finish too quickly and that they have to think about stuff like baseball in order to last any real length of time. But not being able to cum happens too. Not all guys are losers who are done in thirty seconds. Finishing too soon definitely happens, but not every single time.
In many cases you're not just going to cum instantly as soon as you start pounding away, you have to find the speed, angle, depth, etc. that feels good for you. It's not automatic, just like you can't just masturbate in any random way. You have to do what's effective for you.
On a related note, women don't always want to have marathon sex sessions. Sometimes they'll get tired of the guy stabbing away endlessly, especially if it's not doing anything for them. Sometimes they'll start to get dry and sore. Sometimes they'll have an orgasm or two and think that's enough. Sometimes they'll just be happy with a good twenty minutes of fun sex and not have any need to go for longer.
Minor injuries
It can be irritating to your skin when your sweaty pubic hair rubs against hers.
Someone's hair my get accidentally pulled or caught.
Someone may clumsily fall over as you're changing positions (e.g., when she's getting off you from being on top, when you try to transition from missionary with you kneeling and her laying down to missionary with both of you laying down).
You may hit your head against the headboard, har har har.
When you're going at it missionary style you can end up hitting the bottom of your bladder on her pelvic bone. That gets old after ten minutes...
Your knees and elbows can get sore after a while from rubbing on the bed/floor/etc.
During doggy style if you slip out and then accidently thrust back into her pelvis. This can hurt the tip of your dick.
If she's riding you and you slip out she can come down on your dick. Usually it gets bent a little and hurts for a minute. At the worst you can rupture the tissue and take a trip to the hospital.
You may get scratches, bruises, pulled hair (purposely this time), and bite marks. That's cool.
You may fall off the bed or hit your elbow against the wall or something else like that. You just gotta laugh when this shit happen.
Condoms
First let me say that you should always wear these things despite what I say below. You know what can happen if you don't. You may have heard guys complain about condoms, saying they kill the mood or whatever. It's true, they are kind of annoying.
They kill spontaneity. You can't smoothly progress from foreplay to sex. You have to stop the action to go grab a condom, open it, and then put it on.
They smell bad.
They kill sensation, sometimes to the point where you can barely feel your own dick inside the girl. On the plus side, they can allow you to last longer.
Sometimes when you're inside the girl they'll bunch up in weird ways and feel strange.
They interrupt the flow of things after sex is over. You have to pull out, take the condom off, and get rid of it.
Messiness
You probably know this already, but overall sex is messier than what you see on t.v. or in porn.
You're going to get hot and sweaty of course.
The woman's lubrication is going to dribble all over the place and possibly stain the sheets. Someone is going to get semen on them at some point. Condom wrappers are going to litter the ground. You may kiss passionately and slobber all over each other.
Someone may let out a fart right in the middle of things.
Sometimes when you pull out and she changes positions she'll fart out her vagina (queefing).
If you finger her your fingers may be covered with a lot of her clear lubricant when you pull them out. You may have to wipe them off on your leg or something. Classy.
If you have sex when she's on her period, well use your imagination.
If you have anal sex you may get some poo on your dick.
If you have a good session, when you're done you're going to be sweaty, red faced, tired, and a bit out of it. Your hair will be messed up, gross stray hairs will be stuck to your skin, the girl will have a bit of white lubricant running out of her cootch. You'll have a bit of cum dribbling out of your dick. There will be at least one condom wrapper on the floor, the sheets and pillows will be all over the place, and the bed will have a wet spot on it. If you cuddle afterwards you'll start to stick together and it'll feel gross when you pull apart. It's great.
General differences from masturbation and porn
If I had to give a simplified summary I'd say masturbating is all about the visuals while actual sex is more about physical feelings. Of course masturbation is about the physical feelings too, but if you're anything like me, the visuals drive the experience and provide most of the excitement. When you're using your imagination you keep flipping between different scenarios until you hit on one that does it for you. When you watch porn you probably skip around between different DVD scenes or online clips until you hit on one that turns you on the most.
With sex some positions give you something to look at, but you're hardly sitting in a chair watching a scene that has been shot from a distance and angle that gives you a good view. If you're doing a girl in the missionary position you're too close to her to see anything. Your eyes are probably closed, or if they're open they may not be focused on anything. You're probably kissing her or you may have your head nuzzled in her neck. Cut off from the visuals you instead concentrate on the tactile sensations; your dick going in and out of her vagina, your bodies pressed together, her hands scratching your back, her breath on your cheek, how hot you are, the sweat forming on the small of your back, your hands grabbing her boobs, kissing, and various little aches, tired spots, and discomforts. And then there are the sounds and smells; body parts slapping together, her breathing and moaning. The smell of latex, sweat, someone's breath, or her vag.
Of course, sometimes when you're going at it you'll be picturing things in your head to help yourself get off. Like maybe your girlfriend is going down on you and that feels pretty nice, but not quite perfect, so you imagine a porn scene or hot girl you saw the other day to get yourself over the edge.
Also, when you watch porn you can mistakingly associate the visual act you're witnessing with the sensations you're giving yourself. For example, say you have a thing for titty fucking scenes in porn. And let's say as you're watching, you're masturbating in a fast, intense manner. You know your body so of course it's going to feel good. But actual titty fucking probably doesn't feel like your fast, intense, just-right wanking. The true physical sensations may or may not be your cup of tea. You may find them too slow or soft for your tastes and be disappointed in the real thing. Here's another example: Maybe when you watch porn you really like the reverse cowgirl position (girl on top facing away from the guy). As a third party observer this position gives you something to look at. But when you're actually the guy all you see is the girl's back and, again, the sensations of her riding you aren't the same as the just-right wanking feelings you gave yourself when you were watching two other people doing it.
Some more observations about how real sex differs from porn and the movies
Obviously in real life it's a lot more sweaty, clumsy, grunty, and primal than dramatic Hollywood love scenes make it out to be.
In porn the positions are all about making the sex visable to the camera and to give you a good look at the woman's body. In real life concerns such as being close to each other often take precedence.
Personally I've never had sex under the sheets. They just get in the way.
Personally I think having sex with all your clothes on kind of sucks (it's a bit awkward and skin on skin contact feels so much better), but you see it all the time in movies and t.v. shows (e.g., The Sopranos). Of course they've got other, more practical, reasons for portraying it like this.
What amuses me in movies now is what you could call the 'instant penetration.' You see it all the time if you look for it. A man and woman will be in their underwear, or even fully clothed, in some sexually charged situation. Maybe the woman is sitting on the man's lap (both in their underwear remember), or the man is standing behind the woman. The camera is focused on their faces. Then the guy will make a little movement, the woman will gasp, and then they'll close their eyes and start moaning, the implication being that the man achieved vaginal penetration off-camera. Yeah, not that quick and easy in real life. You've got to move your clothes out of the way, line things up, the guy has to be hard enough, the woman needs to be pretty wet, and often the man has to guide his penis in with his hand. Otherwise it's a much more awkward procedure.
DatingGroundwork.Com
For years, people have talked about the idea of a device (or mobile application) that could be useful for meeting available members of the appropriate sex. You could program in your likes and dislikes, and if you happen to be walking near a "match," it would alert both of you.
It appears that some are looking to take that concept and use it in a very different way: to help worried parents know if convicted sex offenders are nearby -- and the idea is so intriguing that an Ohio state senator is considering regulating that certain sex offenders need to use the device.
Basically, some convicted sex offenders would be required to wear a special bracelet.
Then, anyone who was concerned could carry around a special device that would vibrate if one of those bracelets came within a certain distance. Of course, there wouldn't be any indication of who the person was or even where he was -- just that he was nearby. For obvious reasons, this has some folks questioning whether this violates various civil liberties.
It also is hard to see how it does much good, especially since you still would have no idea who was wearing the bracelet. If anything, it would just make already worried parents more paranoid.
Techdirt
It appears that some are looking to take that concept and use it in a very different way: to help worried parents know if convicted sex offenders are nearby -- and the idea is so intriguing that an Ohio state senator is considering regulating that certain sex offenders need to use the device.
Basically, some convicted sex offenders would be required to wear a special bracelet.
Then, anyone who was concerned could carry around a special device that would vibrate if one of those bracelets came within a certain distance. Of course, there wouldn't be any indication of who the person was or even where he was -- just that he was nearby. For obvious reasons, this has some folks questioning whether this violates various civil liberties.
It also is hard to see how it does much good, especially since you still would have no idea who was wearing the bracelet. If anything, it would just make already worried parents more paranoid.
Techdirt
US and Russian astronauts have had sex in space for separate research programmes on how human beings might survive years in orbit, according to a book published yesterday.
Pierre Kohler, a respected French scientific writer, says in The Final Mission: Mir, The Human Adventure that the subject is taboo both at Nasa and at mission control in Moscow, but that cosmic couplings have taken place.
"The issue of sex in space is a serious one," he says. "The experiments carried out so far relate to missions planned for married couples on the future International Space Station, the successor to Mir. Scientists need to know how far sexual relations are possible without gravity."
He cites a confidential Nasa report on a space shuttle mission in 1996. A project codenamed STS-XX was to explore sexual positions possible in a weightless atmosphere.
Twenty positions were tested by computer simulation to obtain the best 10, he says. "Two guinea pigs then tested them in real zero-gravity conditions. The results were videotaped but are considered so sensitive that even Nasa was only given a censored version."
Full Article
Pierre Kohler, a respected French scientific writer, says in The Final Mission: Mir, The Human Adventure that the subject is taboo both at Nasa and at mission control in Moscow, but that cosmic couplings have taken place.
"The issue of sex in space is a serious one," he says. "The experiments carried out so far relate to missions planned for married couples on the future International Space Station, the successor to Mir. Scientists need to know how far sexual relations are possible without gravity."
He cites a confidential Nasa report on a space shuttle mission in 1996. A project codenamed STS-XX was to explore sexual positions possible in a weightless atmosphere.
Twenty positions were tested by computer simulation to obtain the best 10, he says. "Two guinea pigs then tested them in real zero-gravity conditions. The results were videotaped but are considered so sensitive that even Nasa was only given a censored version."
Full Article
Paris National Library opens secret trove of erotic books
The Bibliothèque Nationale in Paris opened its secret collection of erotic manuscripts and art to the public for the first time in nearly 40 years on Tuesday.
The collection, amassed over 170 years, ranges from manuscripts by the Marquis de Sade to pictures of naughty nuns and randy noblemen.
The trove of licentious literature is known as L'Enfer or "Hell," a name it earned in the 1830s when the library was ordered to isolate its collection of "immoral works."
The public has been unable to see the secret archive, where many works seized by police for immorality were preserved, since 1969.
Among the works consigned to Hell were Voltaire's La Pucelle (The Maid), a comic poem that created a scandal in 1762 and Thérèse Philosophe, a 1748 bestseller about the initiation of a lustful young woman.
There are works by Apollinaire, Louÿs and Bataille and many authors who chose to remain anonymous
more
The Bibliothèque Nationale in Paris opened its secret collection of erotic manuscripts and art to the public for the first time in nearly 40 years on Tuesday.
The collection, amassed over 170 years, ranges from manuscripts by the Marquis de Sade to pictures of naughty nuns and randy noblemen.
The trove of licentious literature is known as L'Enfer or "Hell," a name it earned in the 1830s when the library was ordered to isolate its collection of "immoral works."
The public has been unable to see the secret archive, where many works seized by police for immorality were preserved, since 1969.
Among the works consigned to Hell were Voltaire's La Pucelle (The Maid), a comic poem that created a scandal in 1762 and Thérèse Philosophe, a 1748 bestseller about the initiation of a lustful young woman.
There are works by Apollinaire, Louÿs and Bataille and many authors who chose to remain anonymous
more
Little Birds
Anaïs Nin
(Harcourt)
“At the same moment that she felt she was falling into darkness, into his golden-brown flesh, he fell towards her, covered her with kisses, very hot, quick kisses, into which his breath passed. He kissed her behind her ears, on her eyelids, her throat, her shoulders.…She was blinded, deafened, made senseless. Every kiss, like a gulp of wine, added to the warmth of her body. Every kiss increased the heat of his lips. But he made no gesture to raise her dress or to undress her.”
A Month of Sundays
John Updike
(Fawcett)
“Alicia in bed was a revelation. At last I confronted as in an ecstatic mirror my own sexual demon. In such a hurry we did not always take time to remove socks and necklaces and underthings that clung to us then like shards or epaulettes, we would tumble upon her low square bed, whose headboard was a rectangle of teak and whose bedspread a quiltwork sunburst, and she would push me down…”
more...
Anaïs Nin
(Harcourt)
“At the same moment that she felt she was falling into darkness, into his golden-brown flesh, he fell towards her, covered her with kisses, very hot, quick kisses, into which his breath passed. He kissed her behind her ears, on her eyelids, her throat, her shoulders.…She was blinded, deafened, made senseless. Every kiss, like a gulp of wine, added to the warmth of her body. Every kiss increased the heat of his lips. But he made no gesture to raise her dress or to undress her.”
A Month of Sundays
John Updike
(Fawcett)
“Alicia in bed was a revelation. At last I confronted as in an ecstatic mirror my own sexual demon. In such a hurry we did not always take time to remove socks and necklaces and underthings that clung to us then like shards or epaulettes, we would tumble upon her low square bed, whose headboard was a rectangle of teak and whose bedspread a quiltwork sunburst, and she would push me down…”
more...
Esther Perel looks like the New York couples therapist from Central Casting. Married for a zillion years, mother of two, trim as an arrow—if you have to talk to a stranger about your sex life, she’ll do just fine. And she’s got pop credentials: Her recent book, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic & The Domestic, got warm reviews. But woe be to couples who bring her their problems without reading her first. They ask: If novelty is the key to hot sex, doesn’t monogamy kill it? Can a Mom who starts her day packing Cheerios in a lunchbox become a vixen at night? Why doesn’t intimacy guarantee good sex? Then come the surprises, for Perel’s approach to couples therapy is light years from Dr. Phil’s. Tango asked Jesse Kornbluth to ask the questions that a new client might.
JK: Bill Maher says that when you’re married, you need a cue to have sex.
EP: There is no sex without a cue. People who date have their cues at home, before they meet. You think about where to go, what to eat, what to do and say. Sometimes the cue is short—just before we reach the bar—but sex is never just spontaneous. Spontaneity is a myth.
JK: The Daters may not know that. The Marrieds do. And I’m sure a great many of them believe that marital sex is a loop, a movie they’ve lived before—and they get nostalgic for the yes, yes, yes of dating.
EP: In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays. The attraction of dating is that you don’t take yes for granted—you’re fully engaged, there’s seductiveness, tension. In committed sex, in marriage, people don’t feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation—that’s an effort they think they no longer need to do now that they have conquered their partner. If they’re in the mood, their partner should be too.
JK: Let’s get practical. What’s the way to exciting sex in marriage?
EP: You must elicit the other person’s desire. And not just five minutes before. You know what happens to sex in marriage? Instead of inviting desire, you monitor it. Especially men: You let her sleep late, you take the kids to the park, and all that time you’re thinking, “Tonight I’ll get some.” That doesn’t work.
Full Article
JK: Bill Maher says that when you’re married, you need a cue to have sex.
EP: There is no sex without a cue. People who date have their cues at home, before they meet. You think about where to go, what to eat, what to do and say. Sometimes the cue is short—just before we reach the bar—but sex is never just spontaneous. Spontaneity is a myth.
JK: The Daters may not know that. The Marrieds do. And I’m sure a great many of them believe that marital sex is a loop, a movie they’ve lived before—and they get nostalgic for the yes, yes, yes of dating.
EP: In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays. The attraction of dating is that you don’t take yes for granted—you’re fully engaged, there’s seductiveness, tension. In committed sex, in marriage, people don’t feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation—that’s an effort they think they no longer need to do now that they have conquered their partner. If they’re in the mood, their partner should be too.
JK: Let’s get practical. What’s the way to exciting sex in marriage?
EP: You must elicit the other person’s desire. And not just five minutes before. You know what happens to sex in marriage? Instead of inviting desire, you monitor it. Especially men: You let her sleep late, you take the kids to the park, and all that time you’re thinking, “Tonight I’ll get some.” That doesn’t work.
Full Article
Erotic images have made couples hot since before the people of Pompeii painted frescos of oral sex. But the concept of woman-friendly porn didn’t hit the American market until the mid-’80s, after porn star Candida Royalle left the screen, feeling ambivalent about her experiences. “The films were not really sex- positive,” she says. “They didn’t give good information, and they didn’t reflect female sexuality.” She moved to New York and founded Femme Productions in 1984, to make ones that did. Sixteen movies later,
Royalle’s cameras are still rolling, and other filmmakers have followed her lead.
Because women prefer to watch adult films with their partners, rather than alone, the movies directed toward women are referred to as “couples’ porn.” And in order to lure the female half of the equation, they must have a plot more complex than the pizza guy ringing a doorbell and bending a silicone-breasted blonde over some diseased plaid couch.
Full Article
Royalle’s cameras are still rolling, and other filmmakers have followed her lead.
Because women prefer to watch adult films with their partners, rather than alone, the movies directed toward women are referred to as “couples’ porn.” And in order to lure the female half of the equation, they must have a plot more complex than the pizza guy ringing a doorbell and bending a silicone-breasted blonde over some diseased plaid couch.
Full Article
Women can be allergic to sex with men, but doctors are finding women can overcome this allergy through regular sex combined with treatments derived from semen.
"It's really a very rare condition, but it does happen," allergist and immunologist David Resnick at New York Presbyterian Hospital told LiveScience.
Semen allergy symptoms can include itching, burning and swelling in the genitals. In the most severe cases, hives or swelling might appear elsewhere on the body and the woman might experience difficulty breathing.
"Typically symptoms occur within 30 minutes of intercourse, but in rare cases it may be hours or even days later," Resnick explained.
One study from the University of Cincinnati of 1,073 women who sought information on semen allergy concerning their symptoms found 130 had the allergy. In some women, the reaction occurs only with one partner while others are allergic to all partners.
Women are not in all cases allergic to semen itself, but to chemicals in the semen from food, beverages or medications the man has had, ranging from penicillin to compounds in walnuts. However, "this is rare, even more rare than semen allergy itself," Resnick said.
more...
"It's really a very rare condition, but it does happen," allergist and immunologist David Resnick at New York Presbyterian Hospital told LiveScience.
Semen allergy symptoms can include itching, burning and swelling in the genitals. In the most severe cases, hives or swelling might appear elsewhere on the body and the woman might experience difficulty breathing.
"Typically symptoms occur within 30 minutes of intercourse, but in rare cases it may be hours or even days later," Resnick explained.
One study from the University of Cincinnati of 1,073 women who sought information on semen allergy concerning their symptoms found 130 had the allergy. In some women, the reaction occurs only with one partner while others are allergic to all partners.
Women are not in all cases allergic to semen itself, but to chemicals in the semen from food, beverages or medications the man has had, ranging from penicillin to compounds in walnuts. However, "this is rare, even more rare than semen allergy itself," Resnick said.
more...
Sex – it does the body good.
Yet most of us are quicker to hit the gym before hitting the sheets when it comes to taking care of ourselves. Believe it or not, huffing and puffing your way through a hot, sweat-inducing sex session may be far more beneficial to your overall health than the time you spend on the treadmill.
As research confirms time and time again, good sex in a healthy, stable, monogamous relationship can only better our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Sex, in this context, offers us tons of benefits, most of which aren’t touted nearly enough.
Here are just a few benefits:
— Weight loss and weight control. Forget torturing yourself with the latest fad diet or hours on the elliptical machine when you can burn about 200 calories in 30 minutes of sex! Lovemaking lends itself to improved strength, flexibility, muscle tone, and cardiovascular conditioning. Plus, there’s something super sexy about getting to sleep with your very own “personal trainer.”
— Pain management. Forgo popping a pain killer and opt for something a bit more “au naturel.” Sex has been shown to offer migraine and menstrual cramp relief, as well as alleviate chronic back pain thanks to the endorphins and corticosteroids released during sexual arousal and orgasm.
— Stress relief. Sex, even if only with ourselves, impacts the way we respond to stress, increasing levels of oxytocin and stimulating feelings of warmth and relaxation. What better way to unwind from a tough day than sharing its most climactic moment with your special someone?
— Immune booster. Stop spending late nights at the office. Sex wards off colds and the flu. And sexually active people take fewer sick days, giving the phrase “working late” an entirely new meaning. Bosses, take note.
— Better heart health. A little bit of heart and soul in the sack should be part of every doctor’s orders when it comes to cardiovascular care. Sex may help lower cholesterol and the risk of heart attack.
— Increased self-esteem and intimacy. When sex is consistent and involves mutual pleasure, it can increase bonding since the surge in oxytocin at orgasm stimulates feelings of affection, intimacy, and closeness. When spiritual in nature, sex can lead to an even better quality of life and stronger relationship. Is it any wonder that good sexual energy in a positive relationship can make you feel better about yourself, your partner, and life in general?
— Sleep enhancement. There’s no need to count sheep when sex, including masturbation, helps insomnia. Plus, making love sure beats tossing and turning your way to zzzz’s.
— A better, younger looking you. Sex keeps you looking and feeling younger and, according to some research, may lead to shiny hair, a glowing complexion and bright eyes. This is because it increases the youth-promoting hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrostone). And feeling more attractive charges your sex life even more.
— Mood lifter. Sex releases pleasure-inducing endorphins during arousal and climax that can relieve depression and anxiety, and increase vibrancy.
— Longevity. There is a significant relationship between frequency of orgasm and risk of death, especially with men. Men who orgasm two times a week have a 50 percent lower chance of mortality than those who climax one time per month. The bonus: Living longer also gives you and your honey the opportunity for even more lovin’!
— Decreased risk of breast cancer. One study of women who had never given birth found that an increased frequency of sexual intercourse was correlated with a decrease in the incidence of breast cancer.
— Reproductive health benefits. According to at least one study, sex appears to decrease a man’s risk of prostate cancer, and the prevention of endometriosis in women. It also promotes fertility in women by regulating menstrual patterns.
In a nutshell, the health benefits of sex in a good, solid relationship are practically endless. Yet, in planning our New Year’s resolutions, how many of us are declaring, “I think I’ll have more sex with my lover” in fulfilling any 2008 health and self-improvement goals?
While exercise on a regular basis is important to your health, sex can do so much more for you and your relationship. So before signing any dotted line for a new gym membership, consider how time allotted to an athletic club could be far more effective in your boudoir.
You can get a lot more bang for your buck in the bedroom, double your “membership” benefits, and, with sex breeding the desire for more sex, thanks to a boost in testosterone, it’s a workout plan you’re likelier to stick to.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright
Yet most of us are quicker to hit the gym before hitting the sheets when it comes to taking care of ourselves. Believe it or not, huffing and puffing your way through a hot, sweat-inducing sex session may be far more beneficial to your overall health than the time you spend on the treadmill.
As research confirms time and time again, good sex in a healthy, stable, monogamous relationship can only better our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Sex, in this context, offers us tons of benefits, most of which aren’t touted nearly enough.
Here are just a few benefits:
— Weight loss and weight control. Forget torturing yourself with the latest fad diet or hours on the elliptical machine when you can burn about 200 calories in 30 minutes of sex! Lovemaking lends itself to improved strength, flexibility, muscle tone, and cardiovascular conditioning. Plus, there’s something super sexy about getting to sleep with your very own “personal trainer.”
— Pain management. Forgo popping a pain killer and opt for something a bit more “au naturel.” Sex has been shown to offer migraine and menstrual cramp relief, as well as alleviate chronic back pain thanks to the endorphins and corticosteroids released during sexual arousal and orgasm.
— Stress relief. Sex, even if only with ourselves, impacts the way we respond to stress, increasing levels of oxytocin and stimulating feelings of warmth and relaxation. What better way to unwind from a tough day than sharing its most climactic moment with your special someone?
— Immune booster. Stop spending late nights at the office. Sex wards off colds and the flu. And sexually active people take fewer sick days, giving the phrase “working late” an entirely new meaning. Bosses, take note.
— Better heart health. A little bit of heart and soul in the sack should be part of every doctor’s orders when it comes to cardiovascular care. Sex may help lower cholesterol and the risk of heart attack.
— Increased self-esteem and intimacy. When sex is consistent and involves mutual pleasure, it can increase bonding since the surge in oxytocin at orgasm stimulates feelings of affection, intimacy, and closeness. When spiritual in nature, sex can lead to an even better quality of life and stronger relationship. Is it any wonder that good sexual energy in a positive relationship can make you feel better about yourself, your partner, and life in general?
— Sleep enhancement. There’s no need to count sheep when sex, including masturbation, helps insomnia. Plus, making love sure beats tossing and turning your way to zzzz’s.
— A better, younger looking you. Sex keeps you looking and feeling younger and, according to some research, may lead to shiny hair, a glowing complexion and bright eyes. This is because it increases the youth-promoting hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrostone). And feeling more attractive charges your sex life even more.
— Mood lifter. Sex releases pleasure-inducing endorphins during arousal and climax that can relieve depression and anxiety, and increase vibrancy.
— Longevity. There is a significant relationship between frequency of orgasm and risk of death, especially with men. Men who orgasm two times a week have a 50 percent lower chance of mortality than those who climax one time per month. The bonus: Living longer also gives you and your honey the opportunity for even more lovin’!
— Decreased risk of breast cancer. One study of women who had never given birth found that an increased frequency of sexual intercourse was correlated with a decrease in the incidence of breast cancer.
— Reproductive health benefits. According to at least one study, sex appears to decrease a man’s risk of prostate cancer, and the prevention of endometriosis in women. It also promotes fertility in women by regulating menstrual patterns.
In a nutshell, the health benefits of sex in a good, solid relationship are practically endless. Yet, in planning our New Year’s resolutions, how many of us are declaring, “I think I’ll have more sex with my lover” in fulfilling any 2008 health and self-improvement goals?
While exercise on a regular basis is important to your health, sex can do so much more for you and your relationship. So before signing any dotted line for a new gym membership, consider how time allotted to an athletic club could be far more effective in your boudoir.
You can get a lot more bang for your buck in the bedroom, double your “membership” benefits, and, with sex breeding the desire for more sex, thanks to a boost in testosterone, it’s a workout plan you’re likelier to stick to.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright
Sex Shockers
Everything you know about sex is only a first step. Most advice for couples doesn't go far enough—as a result, basic truths about long-term passion are surprising.
We can all recite the mantras of modern sex advice: Tell your partner what you want; focus on how your body feels; relax. Since it's only natural, goes this idea, great sex is a matter of getting over your hang-ups, loving your partner and "letting go."
Yet something doesn't add up, as the huge market for self-help books and advice columnists proves. As a nation, we're not getting any. We crave sexual bliss—but all our relaxing and getting-in-touch isn't helping most of us. When the standard advice doesn't work, you feel like a failure: Too uptight. Not "in your body." Worse, maybe you're not really in love.
While the "relax and connect" advice isn't wrong, it's just a first step, addressing mechanics rather than the deeper dynamics at the heart of sexuality.
Many people don't really want great sex. Good sexual experiences can be emotionally overpowering—mind-blowing, rather than warm and comforting. Lusty sex requires you to confront all kinds of worries—getting so close to your partner that he or she overwhelms you, or being rejected at an intensely vulnerable moment. It may even put you in touch with your own mortality, reminding you that your partner won't always be around. Great sex requires inner reserves to tolerate the angst.
It gets better with age. Even though young people get aroused more quickly, amazing sex is a specialty of people in their 40s and 60s, contends Schnarch. In youth, women struggle to be sexual but not "cheap"; men are easily threatened. Midway through life, you have a stronger sense of self and are less self-conscious and insecure.
Compromise may not work. Trade-offs (I'll do this if you'll do that) may seem egalitarian, but in practice, each partner rules out anything that makes him or her uptight. The couple is left with a limited repertoire that guarantees boredom, not to mention scorekeeping and resentment when one partner is less enthusiastic than the other. Better to take the initiative and challenge yourself to try something new.
Women like hot sex. Women are often much more interested than men in talking about "fucking"—horny, lusty, intense sex—Schnarch reports. But in bed, they often hold back out of shame or fear of making their partner feel inadequate. A lot of couples think that married sex is supposed to be gentle, affectionate "making love"—and feel guilty if they want to get nasty.
Sex isn't a skill. The hoopla about techniques is a red herring. If you think of sex as a set of talents, you're going to wind up focused on doing it right, rather than on who you're doing it with. Likewise, giving your partner a technical playbook (there but not here, this way and not that way) leads to mechanically proficient, predictable and emotionally dead sex. You may also not know exactly what you want—it changes! Pushing your own limits by organically exploring new sexual styles fosters more sizzle.
Cancel the orgasm derby. More orgasms don't equal better sex. Lots of people can perform in bed—all the parts work just fine—but are never really satisfied, because they're too emotionally disconnected. That's usually said about men rather than women, but both sexes are capable of being physically aroused without getting any erotic charge, and both can have orgasms without really enjoying the sex. Instead of focusing on orgasms, pay more attention to the emotional and physical connection: Can you become intensely aware of your partner during sex? Can you make contact?
Tune in—don't space out. Shutting down your brain, focusing on your sensations and going into a trance state, or fantasizing about others, all of which sex therapists often recommend, may help you have decent sex, since it can jump-start your engine. But by zeroing in on your body or your thoughts alone, you've tuned out your partner. You're also vulnerable to distractions: The mood can easily be shattered by a car alarm. Shifting your focus to include your partner can make the experience much more intense.
Kathleen McGowan
Everything you know about sex is only a first step. Most advice for couples doesn't go far enough—as a result, basic truths about long-term passion are surprising.
We can all recite the mantras of modern sex advice: Tell your partner what you want; focus on how your body feels; relax. Since it's only natural, goes this idea, great sex is a matter of getting over your hang-ups, loving your partner and "letting go."
Yet something doesn't add up, as the huge market for self-help books and advice columnists proves. As a nation, we're not getting any. We crave sexual bliss—but all our relaxing and getting-in-touch isn't helping most of us. When the standard advice doesn't work, you feel like a failure: Too uptight. Not "in your body." Worse, maybe you're not really in love.
While the "relax and connect" advice isn't wrong, it's just a first step, addressing mechanics rather than the deeper dynamics at the heart of sexuality.
Many people don't really want great sex. Good sexual experiences can be emotionally overpowering—mind-blowing, rather than warm and comforting. Lusty sex requires you to confront all kinds of worries—getting so close to your partner that he or she overwhelms you, or being rejected at an intensely vulnerable moment. It may even put you in touch with your own mortality, reminding you that your partner won't always be around. Great sex requires inner reserves to tolerate the angst.
It gets better with age. Even though young people get aroused more quickly, amazing sex is a specialty of people in their 40s and 60s, contends Schnarch. In youth, women struggle to be sexual but not "cheap"; men are easily threatened. Midway through life, you have a stronger sense of self and are less self-conscious and insecure.
Compromise may not work. Trade-offs (I'll do this if you'll do that) may seem egalitarian, but in practice, each partner rules out anything that makes him or her uptight. The couple is left with a limited repertoire that guarantees boredom, not to mention scorekeeping and resentment when one partner is less enthusiastic than the other. Better to take the initiative and challenge yourself to try something new.
Women like hot sex. Women are often much more interested than men in talking about "fucking"—horny, lusty, intense sex—Schnarch reports. But in bed, they often hold back out of shame or fear of making their partner feel inadequate. A lot of couples think that married sex is supposed to be gentle, affectionate "making love"—and feel guilty if they want to get nasty.
Sex isn't a skill. The hoopla about techniques is a red herring. If you think of sex as a set of talents, you're going to wind up focused on doing it right, rather than on who you're doing it with. Likewise, giving your partner a technical playbook (there but not here, this way and not that way) leads to mechanically proficient, predictable and emotionally dead sex. You may also not know exactly what you want—it changes! Pushing your own limits by organically exploring new sexual styles fosters more sizzle.
Cancel the orgasm derby. More orgasms don't equal better sex. Lots of people can perform in bed—all the parts work just fine—but are never really satisfied, because they're too emotionally disconnected. That's usually said about men rather than women, but both sexes are capable of being physically aroused without getting any erotic charge, and both can have orgasms without really enjoying the sex. Instead of focusing on orgasms, pay more attention to the emotional and physical connection: Can you become intensely aware of your partner during sex? Can you make contact?
Tune in—don't space out. Shutting down your brain, focusing on your sensations and going into a trance state, or fantasizing about others, all of which sex therapists often recommend, may help you have decent sex, since it can jump-start your engine. But by zeroing in on your body or your thoughts alone, you've tuned out your partner. You're also vulnerable to distractions: The mood can easily be shattered by a car alarm. Shifting your focus to include your partner can make the experience much more intense.
Kathleen McGowan
By Laura Milligan
Okay, so you’re smart. Unbelievably smart. You know how to set up Web sites and develop whole software programs while the rest of us are stuck trying to download a new browser. What most people don’t realize, though, is that coders and programmers are a pretty sexy group of guys and girls who just happen to know a lot about computer technology. Everyone could use a little help in the dating and sex department, however, so we’ve compiled this list to help you get lucky in the bedroom – as well as the chatroom.
Only hang out with other programmers.
As if anyone else is really worth your time. Who else understands the importance of the new JavaScript updates or the appeal of disemboweling a new Mac notebook? Going out to a bar or club packed with hot, sweaty dancers in revealing clothing is not the way to form a lasting relationship. Instead, sit in your friend’s basement and drink cases of ale while you count down the number of days until the SxSW conference or play Bill Gates: the Early Years trivia games.
Practice speaking in your own language made up of obscure programming symbols that only you know how to articulate. If you do happen to go out in public, everyone else will be so wowed by your inside jokes and intricate server understanding that they might just overlook the fact that you haven’t bathed in nineteen days.
Act superior because you know who Linus Torvalds is.
You also know how to perform even the most obscure input and output challenges, and you torment those who can barely plug in their modems correctly - as if learning everything about computer programming is that difficult. Anyone who has enough passion to stay up into the wee hours of the morning memorizing fascinating timelines and cracking codes would understand whatever it is you’re talking about. Cryptanalysis through quantum computing is your passion, baby! Behaving like a snob will get you lots of attention, because it makes everyone want to be just like you. They wish!
Never leave the house (unless you are going to meet other computer programmers).
Everyone knows the opposite sex is turned on by mystery. Act the part of the dark, enigmatic stranger, and you’ll be fighting off hotties left and right. Click on this Web site for cool tips on how to be mysterious. We’ve also found that the easiest way to create intrigue is to stay shut up in your home for hours, even days on end, emerging only to do your hunting, er, grocery shopping or to attend a web programmers’ party. It’s best to sneak around after dark, eliminating the chances of someone actually spotting you - except your sexy stalkers, of course, who have just been waiting for you to come out into the open. If you do bump into one of your stalkers by mistake, look away immediately and do not speak. Feign cool disregard while you sneak a peek at them gawking after you. Heh heh. You’re so bad.
Avoid sunlight at all costs.
Pale is in, people, hasn’t anyone been watching Conan O’Brien? Extreme sunlight damages your sensitive skin, and besides, a deep tan will make you look common. If you have to step outside during the day, pull your socks up to your knees, wear a protective flannel over shirt, and top it all off with your grandmother’s gardening hat. Your future hookup will love you for your soft, smooth, milky white flesh. Elizabethan royalty prided themselves in having the whitest skin possible, and who doesn’t strive to be as cool as Elizabethan royalty?
Remain viciously territorial of all software you designed, Web sites you developed, or revolutionary new ideas you harbor.
Once something makes it onto the Web, everyone thinks they have the right to assume partial ownership. The truth is somebody worked long and hard to make it possible for you to order pizza online or set up Google Adsense on your worthless little blog. The moment you hear anyone try to take credit for his or her own Web site, challenge them on the spot and quiz them on how they formatted their source or how they managed to solve the frustrating problem of float bugs. You’ll win major points with your date for sticking up for yourself and being a confident brainiac. There’s nothing sexier than being armed with knowledge.
Make fun of your date’s “cool new computer.”
If you actually get the chance to be invited to a guy or girl’s house (!!!), the first thing you should do is check out their computer system. How many computers do they have? Desktop or laptop? PC or Mac? If he or she is excited to show off a new computer, act suspicious. Unless your date is also a computer programmer, they are probably light years behind in the newest technology. Too bad they don’t know how outdated that “brand new” computer really is. When did they buy it anyway? 6 months ago? What a moron. Point out everything dysfunctional about their system and how much money they wasted on a worthless piece of junk. They will appreciate your honesty someday.
Wear a backpack as high on your back as possible.
And don’t forget to fasten the straps around your stomach. If you must leave the house, best to take everything with you. You never know when some technologically retarded sellout is going to need your help designing a Web page for his daughter’s wedding photos. Humiliating, yes, but it does pay your bills. Stuffed full of laptops, batteries, chargers, reference manuals, and bananas, you are going to need to wear that red vinyl pack as high as possible to avoid straining your weak back. Your practicality and attention to personal health will attract a surprising number of younger guys or girls, who still find it appropriate to flirt with you by pointing and laughing. Its okay, they’re just jealous and unsure of how to approach a stud like you.
Publicize how erotically charged you get every time you unwrap a new piece of software or computer accessory.
Moan and perhaps even lick your new gift as you take it out of the box. Once you start to play with it for the first time, cradle it in your hands and pet each surface, really taking in its beauty and the supple coolness of the hard, plastic exterior. Others will take note of your sensual prowess and may even become aroused themselves. If you’re that charged with sexual energy, you’re going to need an outlet…and fast. You want a partner to accompany you on the love ride, and they can’t really assume that you’d prefer to take along the new Yoggie Gatekeeper Pro…or would you?
Constantly talk about the newest conferences coming up and how excited you are to go.
Post your itinerary for the SxSW festival on your blog so that you can meet up with all your followers and sign autographs. If you’re really a diehard blogger, see if you can set up a booth where your fans can converge and review the best (and worst) seminars you’ve attended. Arrange to meet your other programming friends at the hotel two days in advance so that you’re guaranteed a good spot in line. If you can, order the conference t-shirts before you go so that you can arrive in town proudly displaying your computer infatuation. As tip #1 states, continue to only hang out in large groups of other computer programmers, as this will show everyone that you are in fact a social computer programmer, not a loser computer programmer who sits in his basement all year.
Wear the same Star Trek shirt every single day.
Since you’re generally not allowed to walk around naked in public, this is probably the sexiest thing that you, as a computer programmer, can do to get someone to want to have sex with you. He or she will think you’re adorable, quirky, and original. Wearing the same thing everyday might seem a little repetitive, but at least you’re no tool. In a stifling sea of pink popped collars, a Captain Kirk “Risk is our Business” t-shirt is a breath of fresh air. If the sexy young thing you’ve been eyeing hasn’t caught on to your anti-establishment originality, don’t be afraid to brag a little. Whisper in their ear: “You know, I haven’t changed my clothes in eight days. And yes, that means I haven’t washed them either!”
Don’t be overwhelmed. Just remember: the fact that you’re a computer programmer means you’re already halfway there. Your occupation and love for computers and all their small little parts makes you a huge turn on to the opposite sex. If you adapt each of these tips to your own personal programming lives, you’ll be on the road to sweet lovin’ in no time.
Okay, so you’re smart. Unbelievably smart. You know how to set up Web sites and develop whole software programs while the rest of us are stuck trying to download a new browser. What most people don’t realize, though, is that coders and programmers are a pretty sexy group of guys and girls who just happen to know a lot about computer technology. Everyone could use a little help in the dating and sex department, however, so we’ve compiled this list to help you get lucky in the bedroom – as well as the chatroom.
Only hang out with other programmers.
As if anyone else is really worth your time. Who else understands the importance of the new JavaScript updates or the appeal of disemboweling a new Mac notebook? Going out to a bar or club packed with hot, sweaty dancers in revealing clothing is not the way to form a lasting relationship. Instead, sit in your friend’s basement and drink cases of ale while you count down the number of days until the SxSW conference or play Bill Gates: the Early Years trivia games.
Practice speaking in your own language made up of obscure programming symbols that only you know how to articulate. If you do happen to go out in public, everyone else will be so wowed by your inside jokes and intricate server understanding that they might just overlook the fact that you haven’t bathed in nineteen days.
Act superior because you know who Linus Torvalds is.
You also know how to perform even the most obscure input and output challenges, and you torment those who can barely plug in their modems correctly - as if learning everything about computer programming is that difficult. Anyone who has enough passion to stay up into the wee hours of the morning memorizing fascinating timelines and cracking codes would understand whatever it is you’re talking about. Cryptanalysis through quantum computing is your passion, baby! Behaving like a snob will get you lots of attention, because it makes everyone want to be just like you. They wish!
Never leave the house (unless you are going to meet other computer programmers).
Everyone knows the opposite sex is turned on by mystery. Act the part of the dark, enigmatic stranger, and you’ll be fighting off hotties left and right. Click on this Web site for cool tips on how to be mysterious. We’ve also found that the easiest way to create intrigue is to stay shut up in your home for hours, even days on end, emerging only to do your hunting, er, grocery shopping or to attend a web programmers’ party. It’s best to sneak around after dark, eliminating the chances of someone actually spotting you - except your sexy stalkers, of course, who have just been waiting for you to come out into the open. If you do bump into one of your stalkers by mistake, look away immediately and do not speak. Feign cool disregard while you sneak a peek at them gawking after you. Heh heh. You’re so bad.
Avoid sunlight at all costs.
Pale is in, people, hasn’t anyone been watching Conan O’Brien? Extreme sunlight damages your sensitive skin, and besides, a deep tan will make you look common. If you have to step outside during the day, pull your socks up to your knees, wear a protective flannel over shirt, and top it all off with your grandmother’s gardening hat. Your future hookup will love you for your soft, smooth, milky white flesh. Elizabethan royalty prided themselves in having the whitest skin possible, and who doesn’t strive to be as cool as Elizabethan royalty?
Remain viciously territorial of all software you designed, Web sites you developed, or revolutionary new ideas you harbor.
Once something makes it onto the Web, everyone thinks they have the right to assume partial ownership. The truth is somebody worked long and hard to make it possible for you to order pizza online or set up Google Adsense on your worthless little blog. The moment you hear anyone try to take credit for his or her own Web site, challenge them on the spot and quiz them on how they formatted their source or how they managed to solve the frustrating problem of float bugs. You’ll win major points with your date for sticking up for yourself and being a confident brainiac. There’s nothing sexier than being armed with knowledge.
Make fun of your date’s “cool new computer.”
If you actually get the chance to be invited to a guy or girl’s house (!!!), the first thing you should do is check out their computer system. How many computers do they have? Desktop or laptop? PC or Mac? If he or she is excited to show off a new computer, act suspicious. Unless your date is also a computer programmer, they are probably light years behind in the newest technology. Too bad they don’t know how outdated that “brand new” computer really is. When did they buy it anyway? 6 months ago? What a moron. Point out everything dysfunctional about their system and how much money they wasted on a worthless piece of junk. They will appreciate your honesty someday.
Wear a backpack as high on your back as possible.
And don’t forget to fasten the straps around your stomach. If you must leave the house, best to take everything with you. You never know when some technologically retarded sellout is going to need your help designing a Web page for his daughter’s wedding photos. Humiliating, yes, but it does pay your bills. Stuffed full of laptops, batteries, chargers, reference manuals, and bananas, you are going to need to wear that red vinyl pack as high as possible to avoid straining your weak back. Your practicality and attention to personal health will attract a surprising number of younger guys or girls, who still find it appropriate to flirt with you by pointing and laughing. Its okay, they’re just jealous and unsure of how to approach a stud like you.
Publicize how erotically charged you get every time you unwrap a new piece of software or computer accessory.
Moan and perhaps even lick your new gift as you take it out of the box. Once you start to play with it for the first time, cradle it in your hands and pet each surface, really taking in its beauty and the supple coolness of the hard, plastic exterior. Others will take note of your sensual prowess and may even become aroused themselves. If you’re that charged with sexual energy, you’re going to need an outlet…and fast. You want a partner to accompany you on the love ride, and they can’t really assume that you’d prefer to take along the new Yoggie Gatekeeper Pro…or would you?
Constantly talk about the newest conferences coming up and how excited you are to go.
Post your itinerary for the SxSW festival on your blog so that you can meet up with all your followers and sign autographs. If you’re really a diehard blogger, see if you can set up a booth where your fans can converge and review the best (and worst) seminars you’ve attended. Arrange to meet your other programming friends at the hotel two days in advance so that you’re guaranteed a good spot in line. If you can, order the conference t-shirts before you go so that you can arrive in town proudly displaying your computer infatuation. As tip #1 states, continue to only hang out in large groups of other computer programmers, as this will show everyone that you are in fact a social computer programmer, not a loser computer programmer who sits in his basement all year.
Wear the same Star Trek shirt every single day.
Since you’re generally not allowed to walk around naked in public, this is probably the sexiest thing that you, as a computer programmer, can do to get someone to want to have sex with you. He or she will think you’re adorable, quirky, and original. Wearing the same thing everyday might seem a little repetitive, but at least you’re no tool. In a stifling sea of pink popped collars, a Captain Kirk “Risk is our Business” t-shirt is a breath of fresh air. If the sexy young thing you’ve been eyeing hasn’t caught on to your anti-establishment originality, don’t be afraid to brag a little. Whisper in their ear: “You know, I haven’t changed my clothes in eight days. And yes, that means I haven’t washed them either!”
Don’t be overwhelmed. Just remember: the fact that you’re a computer programmer means you’re already halfway there. Your occupation and love for computers and all their small little parts makes you a huge turn on to the opposite sex. If you adapt each of these tips to your own personal programming lives, you’ll be on the road to sweet lovin’ in no time.
Who said just because we're getting old we have to stop having sex? Where is it written that the sex can't be just as fulfilling as it was when we were young? Sure, we aren't as limber as we once were, our bodies aren't as lithe but think of all the practice we have had. You put two seventy-year-olds together and that is like, over a century of combined lovemaking experience--assuming they both waited until they were twenty to start having sex.
So what if we've added a few wrinkles to our once taut skin, or have less hair in places we were supposed to have it and more hair where we were never intended to grow it? Less teeth, or maybe no teeth at all? That's a bad thing? Maybe we have gained a little weight and lost some flexibility, or perhaps we tire a little quicker than we once did. Those are not reasons why we can't and shouldn't have unbelievable good sex.
They make light switches for a reason; so they can be turned off as well as on. There is no reason why we need to see every age spot and each splotch of eczema on our age-worn skin. Television light is all you really need anyway, and the blue hue that is cast from the Panasonic can be every bit as romantic as warm glow of an open fireplace. Plus, most televisions can be connected to a DVD player in case you need a little more visual stimulation than your partner can provide.
And let's not forget; there are a plethora of drugs, creams and mechanical devices out there all designed to make you bigger, moister, last longer or just plain hornier than you ever were in your youth. They can be purchased online and delivered to your door in an unambiguous package wrapped in plain brown paper. Your neighbors will think you have just ordered another Hummel figurine, or an Emmett Kelly plate.
Don't think your brittle bones can take the pounding? No problem; get yourself a few extra pillows. Only the limits of your imagination will prevent you from discovering where to place them. Another thing you may want to consider is purchasing a therapeutic spa, pool or hot tub. I bet with a note from your doctor you may be able to get Medicare to help pay for it. Imagine, you and your lover sitting naked in the hot tub watching a steamy video on the Panasonic while you sip Geritol from a wine glass. Does it get any better than that?
So enough of sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves trying to remember the days when sex was hot, steamy and maybe even a little dirty. Let's fire up those imaginations, go online and purchase our "figurines", rent that nasty little video, fluff up those pillows and start having sex again--good old sex.
egenerations.com
So what if we've added a few wrinkles to our once taut skin, or have less hair in places we were supposed to have it and more hair where we were never intended to grow it? Less teeth, or maybe no teeth at all? That's a bad thing? Maybe we have gained a little weight and lost some flexibility, or perhaps we tire a little quicker than we once did. Those are not reasons why we can't and shouldn't have unbelievable good sex.
They make light switches for a reason; so they can be turned off as well as on. There is no reason why we need to see every age spot and each splotch of eczema on our age-worn skin. Television light is all you really need anyway, and the blue hue that is cast from the Panasonic can be every bit as romantic as warm glow of an open fireplace. Plus, most televisions can be connected to a DVD player in case you need a little more visual stimulation than your partner can provide.
And let's not forget; there are a plethora of drugs, creams and mechanical devices out there all designed to make you bigger, moister, last longer or just plain hornier than you ever were in your youth. They can be purchased online and delivered to your door in an unambiguous package wrapped in plain brown paper. Your neighbors will think you have just ordered another Hummel figurine, or an Emmett Kelly plate.
Don't think your brittle bones can take the pounding? No problem; get yourself a few extra pillows. Only the limits of your imagination will prevent you from discovering where to place them. Another thing you may want to consider is purchasing a therapeutic spa, pool or hot tub. I bet with a note from your doctor you may be able to get Medicare to help pay for it. Imagine, you and your lover sitting naked in the hot tub watching a steamy video on the Panasonic while you sip Geritol from a wine glass. Does it get any better than that?
So enough of sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves trying to remember the days when sex was hot, steamy and maybe even a little dirty. Let's fire up those imaginations, go online and purchase our "figurines", rent that nasty little video, fluff up those pillows and start having sex again--good old sex.
egenerations.com
The environment of the womb can be manipulated to favour either male or female sperm Have a burger and chips before getting pregnant and you're more likely to have a baby boy – whereas a girl is more likely if you eat chocolate or ice cream. It may sound about as convincing as puppy-dogs' tails, but this is the latest cutting-edge science as reported in New Scientist.
Researchers at the University of Pretoria in South Africa found that mice given drugs that reduced their blood-sugar levels produced more female than male pups. And the finding fits with traditional wisdom that mothers should feed on red meat and salty snacks if they want a boy and chocolates and sweets if they want a girl, according to lead researcher, Professor Elisa Cameron.
The team used a steroid called dexamathasone that inhibits the transport of glucose into the blood to study the impact of raised or lowered blood sugar level. "It is very interesting that meat raises blood sugar levels for a sustained period of time while sugar-based snacks are associated with a slump in blood glucose," she explains.
Cameron's study adds to the evidence that a baby's gender is not simply down to whether the father delivers an X or a Y chromosome. The environment of the womb, it is claimed, can be manipulated to favour either male or female sperm.
Over the last half decade, animal research has come up with the same kind of results. Rats fed a low protein diet prior to conception in a Japanese study had more females in the litter, while American researchers reported that a diet rich in animal fat led to more male mice pups.
For Professor Richard Sharpe, head of the Medical Research Council's Human Reproductive Sciences Unit at Edinburgh University, however, the findings are not necessarily good news. "There is a global trend that more girls are being born than boys and the number of girls are increasing," he says. "It's a fractional increase. But all the evidence suggests that the underlying trend is an increase in physiological stress in women that causes the low blood sugar levels that is being reported in the New Scientist.
more...
Researchers at the University of Pretoria in South Africa found that mice given drugs that reduced their blood-sugar levels produced more female than male pups. And the finding fits with traditional wisdom that mothers should feed on red meat and salty snacks if they want a boy and chocolates and sweets if they want a girl, according to lead researcher, Professor Elisa Cameron.
The team used a steroid called dexamathasone that inhibits the transport of glucose into the blood to study the impact of raised or lowered blood sugar level. "It is very interesting that meat raises blood sugar levels for a sustained period of time while sugar-based snacks are associated with a slump in blood glucose," she explains.
Cameron's study adds to the evidence that a baby's gender is not simply down to whether the father delivers an X or a Y chromosome. The environment of the womb, it is claimed, can be manipulated to favour either male or female sperm.
Over the last half decade, animal research has come up with the same kind of results. Rats fed a low protein diet prior to conception in a Japanese study had more females in the litter, while American researchers reported that a diet rich in animal fat led to more male mice pups.
For Professor Richard Sharpe, head of the Medical Research Council's Human Reproductive Sciences Unit at Edinburgh University, however, the findings are not necessarily good news. "There is a global trend that more girls are being born than boys and the number of girls are increasing," he says. "It's a fractional increase. But all the evidence suggests that the underlying trend is an increase in physiological stress in women that causes the low blood sugar levels that is being reported in the New Scientist.
more...
It's common knowledge that in each of us there is a hidden voyeur.
Even the shortest moments can be caught with a camera.
We are tests to see how the first sight leaves deep impressions.
The ones who puts himself between Scilla and Cariddi will see himself between two fires. And if he tries to escape one, he will finish into the other.
Manet
A woman on rocks.
Women can be allergic to sex with men, but doctors are finding women can overcome this allergy through regular sex combined with treatments derived from semen.
"It's really a very rare condition, but it does happen," allergist and immunologist David Resnick at New York Presbyterian Hospital told LiveScience.
Semen allergy symptoms can include itching, burning and swelling in the genitals. In the most severe cases, hives or swelling might appear elsewhere on the body and the woman might experience difficulty breathing.
"Typically symptoms occur within 30 minutes of intercourse, but in rare cases it may be hours or even days later," Resnick explained.
One study from the University of Cincinnati of 1,073 women who sought information on semen allergy concerning their symptoms found 130 had the allergy. In some women, the reaction occurs only with one partner while others are allergic to all partners.
Women are not in all cases allergic to semen itself, but to chemicals in the semen from food, beverages or medications the man has had, ranging from penicillin to compounds in walnuts. However, "this is rare, even more rare than semen allergy itself," Resnick said.
Resnick said about half of all women with semen allergy have other allergies as well, such as skin allergy or hay fever. Most women with the allergy are between age 20 and 30, and 41 percent experience symptoms the first time they have sex.
"In most cases, symptoms gradually worsen and occur sooner with subsequent exposures," he said.
To desensitize a woman's immune system against semen, doctors can either apply diluted samples of semen to a woman's vagina every 20 minutes, gradually increasing the concentration over the course of several hours, or the women can receive allergy shots containing small amounts of semen over the course of several weeks. Both techniques require sex two or three times a week to train their immune system.
There are also cases where women have "outgrown" the allergy without treatment.
The compounds in the semen that appear to trigger this allergy seem to be proteins from the prostate gland. "People are now testing them for use in desensitization therapies," Resnick said.
Charles Q. Choi,
"It's really a very rare condition, but it does happen," allergist and immunologist David Resnick at New York Presbyterian Hospital told LiveScience.
Semen allergy symptoms can include itching, burning and swelling in the genitals. In the most severe cases, hives or swelling might appear elsewhere on the body and the woman might experience difficulty breathing.
"Typically symptoms occur within 30 minutes of intercourse, but in rare cases it may be hours or even days later," Resnick explained.
One study from the University of Cincinnati of 1,073 women who sought information on semen allergy concerning their symptoms found 130 had the allergy. In some women, the reaction occurs only with one partner while others are allergic to all partners.
Women are not in all cases allergic to semen itself, but to chemicals in the semen from food, beverages or medications the man has had, ranging from penicillin to compounds in walnuts. However, "this is rare, even more rare than semen allergy itself," Resnick said.
Resnick said about half of all women with semen allergy have other allergies as well, such as skin allergy or hay fever. Most women with the allergy are between age 20 and 30, and 41 percent experience symptoms the first time they have sex.
"In most cases, symptoms gradually worsen and occur sooner with subsequent exposures," he said.
To desensitize a woman's immune system against semen, doctors can either apply diluted samples of semen to a woman's vagina every 20 minutes, gradually increasing the concentration over the course of several hours, or the women can receive allergy shots containing small amounts of semen over the course of several weeks. Both techniques require sex two or three times a week to train their immune system.
There are also cases where women have "outgrown" the allergy without treatment.
The compounds in the semen that appear to trigger this allergy seem to be proteins from the prostate gland. "People are now testing them for use in desensitization therapies," Resnick said.
Charles Q. Choi,
The fantasy box: Create a fantasy box and store it in your bedroom. You and your partner should write down your fantasies on little slips of paper and place them in the fantasy box. Every once in a while, when your sex life needs a little extra oomph, dip into the fantasy box and start playing! Making fantasies come true is a great way to bring spice back into the bedroom.
Tantra: Tantric sex not only prolongs sex and improves the quality of orgasms, it also helps increase the emotional intimacy between you and your partner. One great tantric tool is “soul-gazing.” Here’s how to do it: When you are both undressed, sit on the bed facing each other and place your right hand over your partner’s heart and gaze into your partner’s left eye. Synchronize your breathing while you maintain eye contact. Soul-gazing returns sex to that sacred space where intercourse is a holy, valued activity between two people in love.
Bring “sexyback:” Most women need to feel sexy in order to feel sexual desire. However, between driving in traffic, rushing to make dinner and getting the kids in bed, women often feel harried and unattractive at the end of the day. This is where the importance of “me” time comes in. It may sound cliche, but unless you make time to recharge, nurture yourself and get in touch with your senses (massage, bubble bath, pedicure), it will be hard to feel sexy. You may even invest in a little bit of sexy lingerie. Once you start to feel sexy on the outside, it might change the way you approach intimacy. Who knows? You might even be inspired to give your man a little lap dance.
The bottom line is that great sex isn’t as far away as you think. With just a little bit of work, any couple can have fireworks in the bedroom … even on a regular Monday night!
Dr. Laura Berman
Tantra: Tantric sex not only prolongs sex and improves the quality of orgasms, it also helps increase the emotional intimacy between you and your partner. One great tantric tool is “soul-gazing.” Here’s how to do it: When you are both undressed, sit on the bed facing each other and place your right hand over your partner’s heart and gaze into your partner’s left eye. Synchronize your breathing while you maintain eye contact. Soul-gazing returns sex to that sacred space where intercourse is a holy, valued activity between two people in love.
Bring “sexyback:” Most women need to feel sexy in order to feel sexual desire. However, between driving in traffic, rushing to make dinner and getting the kids in bed, women often feel harried and unattractive at the end of the day. This is where the importance of “me” time comes in. It may sound cliche, but unless you make time to recharge, nurture yourself and get in touch with your senses (massage, bubble bath, pedicure), it will be hard to feel sexy. You may even invest in a little bit of sexy lingerie. Once you start to feel sexy on the outside, it might change the way you approach intimacy. Who knows? You might even be inspired to give your man a little lap dance.
The bottom line is that great sex isn’t as far away as you think. With just a little bit of work, any couple can have fireworks in the bedroom … even on a regular Monday night!
Dr. Laura Berman
Astronauts test sex in space - but did the earth move?
Space exploration: special report
Jon Henley in Paris The Guardian, Thursday February 24 2000
US and Russian astronauts have had sex in space for separate research programmes on how human beings might survive years in orbit, according to a book published yesterday.
Pierre Kohler, a respected French scientific writer, says in The Final Mission: Mir, The Human Adventure that the subject is taboo both at Nasa and at mission control in Moscow, but that cosmic couplings have taken place.
"The issue of sex in space is a serious one," he says. "The experiments carried out so far relate to missions planned for married couples on the future International Space Station, the successor to Mir. Scientists need to know how far sexual relations are possible without gravity."
He cites a confidential Nasa report on a space shuttle mission in 1996. A project codenamed STS-XX was to explore sexual positions possible in a weightless atmosphere.
Twenty positions were tested by computer simulation to obtain the best 10, he says. "Two guinea pigs then tested them in real zero-gravity conditions. The results were videotaped but are considered so sensitive that even Nasa was only given a censored version."
Only four positions were found possible without "mechanical assistance". The other six needed a special elastic belt and inflatable tunnel, like an open-ended sleeping bag.
Mr Kohler says: "One of the principal findings was that the classic so-called missionary position, which is so easy on earth when gravity pushes one downwards, is simply not possible."
Space exploration: special report
Jon Henley in Paris The Guardian, Thursday February 24 2000
US and Russian astronauts have had sex in space for separate research programmes on how human beings might survive years in orbit, according to a book published yesterday.
Pierre Kohler, a respected French scientific writer, says in The Final Mission: Mir, The Human Adventure that the subject is taboo both at Nasa and at mission control in Moscow, but that cosmic couplings have taken place.
"The issue of sex in space is a serious one," he says. "The experiments carried out so far relate to missions planned for married couples on the future International Space Station, the successor to Mir. Scientists need to know how far sexual relations are possible without gravity."
He cites a confidential Nasa report on a space shuttle mission in 1996. A project codenamed STS-XX was to explore sexual positions possible in a weightless atmosphere.
Twenty positions were tested by computer simulation to obtain the best 10, he says. "Two guinea pigs then tested them in real zero-gravity conditions. The results were videotaped but are considered so sensitive that even Nasa was only given a censored version."
Only four positions were found possible without "mechanical assistance". The other six needed a special elastic belt and inflatable tunnel, like an open-ended sleeping bag.
Mr Kohler says: "One of the principal findings was that the classic so-called missionary position, which is so easy on earth when gravity pushes one downwards, is simply not possible."