ScreamFree Parenting means becoming a ScreamFree Spouse: So many of us feel trapped by any effort to improve our family because that improvement seems to require the very type of family unity we’re missing to begin with. What happens when your kids won’t cooperate with your new efforts? What about when your spouse isn’t on board with your new approach? This week’s article teaches you how you can improve your relationships even if you are the only one interested in doing so.

ScreamFree Radio Starts Sunday: It's official! Hal and Jenny have their own radio show on Atlanta's top talk radio station, 750 WSB. Starting this Sunday, from 2-4 in the afternoon (EST), you can catch ScreamFree Radio. No matter where you are, you can listen live online. Don't miss it!

How to talk to your kids about politics: Carpool is an underrated parenting tool. True, you have to be willing to trade your clean car and peaceful commute for chaotic chatter and OKR (other kids’ residue), but I have found that it is well worth the sacrifice. Why is that? Because carpool has taught me more about my children than any other school related activity. Carpool is the legal equivalent to truth serum. From the bowels of the back seats, children reveal incredible things. If you just listen long enough without interrupting or prompting them, you’ll find out more than you ever thought possible about their friends, their teachers, and their views of the world.

How one mom embraced the unknown in order to change.: The funny thing about irony is that it has a sense of humor. I should have known that the more I wrote about it, the harder it would come back to bite me. Well, it recently came to pay me a little visit and it wasn't very pretty. You see, I haven't been exactly ScreamFree lately...

Keeping Your Cool Across the Cultures: You are at the store and find yourself halfway through your grocery list. Suddenly your child loses it over a box of Yummy-Sugar-Os and throws the mother of all tantrums. As you feel your pulse start to race and the eyes of your fellow customers bore into your skull, take heart. You are in good company. Throughout all generations and across all cultures, one thing remains the same. Kids will act like...well, kids. Don't believe me? Check out this story:

Finding a balance between caring and callous.: People tend to fall into two camps when it comes to relationships. Those who care too much about what others think and those who say they don't….but still do. The truth is, we all care deeply about people's responses to us. And we should. If a person truly didn't care what type of response their actions created, they wouldn't be a cool cat worth admiring. They'd be a sociopath worth fearing. The trick is to find some sort of balance. It's not easy, but it is possible... sometimes. Let me give you an example.

The One Resolution You Can: A shrinking number of people in the US make New Year's resolutions each year, and a growing percentage of those break those resolutions within the first week. Here at ScreamFree, we'd like to create a revolution in the midst of this alarming trend. By applying some of the same principles that are changing families across the nation, we think you'll be able to keep those New Year's resolutions like never before.  To see the real reason people struggle with resolutions and to see how you can keep yours, read Jenny's article below.

Part I of II: Holiday Survival Guide: When Andy Williams sang the lyric, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”, he must have been joking. What with presents to buy, parties to attend, and cheer to spread, we often find ourselves wondering what the heck is so happy about the holidays. If that describes you at all, it’s time for a little ScreamFree in your life. There's just too much to cover in one article, so we've devoted two newsletters to this stressful season. This week, read Part I: Three principles to guide you through the holidays with your sanity in tact.

Holiday Survival Guide Part II, Three Structures to Implement: Last week, we focused on three principles to help you gain and retain your sanity. Now that you have regained your calm, you can put the following structures in place to create the kind of holiday you’ll be happy to remember. Part II: 3 Structures to Implement

Dealing with the problem behind the problem: We hope you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving. There's nothing quite like family to crank up the tension in our lives. Check out this week's article by Jenny where she discovers that, more often than not, anxiety is self-imposed.

How to have a ScreamFree Thanksgiving: The following is an excerpt from the eBook: ScreamFree Thanksgiving. To read more, order the full version here. When you close your eyes and think about Thanksgiving, do you see yourself surrounded by loved ones, laughing and sampling each delectable dish upon the table? Are you counting your blessings and cherishing your family? Or do you see yourself surrounded by annoying relatives, grumbling about each other and complaining that the turkey is dry? Maybe you see a little bit of both. If you long for a Norman Rockwell gathering but your reality looks more like Norman Bates, keep reading.

You can learn alot through your kids: One of my friends read my recent article on schoolwork and told me a great little story which I just have to share. In a brief encounter with her daughter, she quickly found out that, as the German proverb states, “He who teaches children learns more than they do.” I'll do my best to recount it to you with the same humility and humor that she brought to me. The other evening, my daughter Emily was at the table, doing some homework. It was the end of a really long day...

How keeping Halloween with you year round can help you really see your kids.: This is one of my favorite holidays of the year, but to be quite honest, I’ve never really thought about why. In all seriousness, I should hate the stupid day. October 31 officially marks the beginning of the end as far as my annual weight-loss efforts go. Every year, I optimistically think that I am strong enough to have an opened bag of chocolate sitting in my pantry. And every year, those little bite-sized bars of bliss wake me up at night and prove me wrong.

Why kids slow down when you need them to speed up.: Why is it that when you really need kids to do something quickly, they choose that time to move in slow-motion? Late for an early morning meeting? Jr. suddenly takes twenty minutes to find his tennis shoes and needs help on his homework. Trying to have a quick dinner before dance practice? Little Jessica decides to eat her peas one at a time with her fork and afterward, clears the table with a pace that would make a snail look fast. Trust me, you are not alone in this most common of parenting issues.

What you can learn from going to the ballpark: Well, here we are in the middle of October and the boys of summer, at least the lucky ones, are still playing. America’s pastime has again captured our nation’s attention and that’s a good thing because even if you don’t enjoy watching baseball, you can learn something from it. This week, Jenny Runkel discusses “losing it” with her own kids and how going to the ballpark can help us all become a little more ScreamFree.

Give Your Kids a Sporting Chance: It’s that time of year again. Fall sports are in full swing and that can be a great thing. Through sports, kids can learn about fair play, respect, and determination. Teaching good sportsmanship to our children is one of the great responsibilities of parenthood. Unfortunately, “good” sportsmanship isn’t the only thing they can learn from their coaches, teammates, and you. So, how do we go about teaching this valuable lesson to our kids in a culture that seems to value it less and less? Good question.

To 10 Clues it is Time to Become a ScreamFree Parent: At ScreamFree, we're always hearing about parents struggling with raising their kids, because, frankly, parenting is hard work. No one is immune to the tantrums of a two-year-old or the stubborn nature of a school-aged child. Yep, that’s right. It’s not only us "regular Joe's" who struggle with keeping our cool. Recently, David Letterman was a guest on Oprah, and he was lamenting about his own struggle with his four-year-old keeping his bike inside the house.

Separation Anxiety: When I give seminars to parents, I always leave some time at the end for questions. One that I seem to get quite often deals with an issue that simply begs me to stand on a soapbox. The question in question deals with separation anxiety. My soapbox deals not with the one asking the question, but rather, the philosophy behind the question itself. So, are you ready for a ScreamFree rant? That may be a contradiction in terms, but this question deserves it. So, here goes:

Hot Enough For Ya?: You've may have seen “The Far Side” cartoon entitled, “Nerds in Hell.” It depicts a long line of eternally damned souls waiting for, well, eternity. There we find a plaid shirt-wearing, broken-glasses-donning nerd elbowing the next hellion in line, trying to make small talk. He snorts, “Hot enough for ya?” Well, at the risk of revealing my true nerdiness, it really is hot out there.

The Truth from a Teacher: This new school year will mark the first time in almost a decade that I will not be putting up bulletin boards and making new seating charts. I am in the midst of changing careers, from teaching others to write to trying the craft out myself. I must admit I am having quite a bit of trouble with not having my own classroom anymore. There was something magical to me about starting over each year with a new group of students, a new set of goals, a new set of chances.

Kids and Healthy Eating: Children and Nutrition: America's kids are less active and more rotund than ever, and it's threatening the very lives of humanity's future. With skyrocketing child obesity rates, this "battle" is nothing to be taken lightly. And, it definitely seems like the food producers are on the kids' side. Whether it's the junk food that lines the aisles of Kroger, fills the Nickelodeon commercials, or populates the McDonald's kids' menus, parents and healthy nutrition seem to have the odds stacked against them.

Advice for Parenting Objectively: This week, Hal and I rented Stranger Than Fiction. I have to say that it was one of the best films I have seen in a very long time. It was a sweet and infinitely fascinating story about perspective and self-fulfilling prophecies. In the movie, Will Ferrell plays Harold Crick, an unassuming and unexciting accountant for the IRS who counts his steps and his toothbrush strokes. He eats alone and has few friends. He is utterly miserable and worse, he doesn’t even realize his lot in life until one day when he hears a voice inside his head narrating every aspect of it. I won’t spoil the movie for you, but suffice it to say, his life takes a dramatic turn as he gets to hear ...

Sibling Rivalry - Orbiting your lives around your kids: Sibling rivalry is a mythical phenomenon that comes out of Freud’s thoughts about competition in the family for mom’s affection and dad’s approval. Technically speaking, it is a construct used to make sense of the observed battles between siblings and their efforts to triangle a parent into their side of those battles.

Moving Day - Life gets chaotic when during a move. This is a time when kids just as much, if not more, structure.: I am convinced that moving is one of the most miserable experiences in life. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. It's been several years since we last uprooted, and I had forgotten how horribly stressful it is. Apparently, I had a bad case of moving amnesia because I agreed to this heinous act recently. What's worse is that we scheduled it to occur during the last week of school. You know, life really isn't complicated enough that week with all of the class parties, weddings, and graduations to attend. I thought we could use a little more chaos to spice things up a bit.

Delayed gratification. Waiting for what we want most in life instead of what we want now.: Thanksgiving is such a wonderful holiday. It's too bad that it seems to go unnoticed by the retailers who started running their Christmas commercials the day after Halloween. If they haven't already, your kids are about to be bombarded with advertisements and now is the time to think about how you're going to handle their desires. We're here to help. Read the following article from our archives about kids and advertising to find out just how to make sense of it all, and then sit back and count your blessings on your way to a ScreamFree holiday season.

Your emotional responses are up to you, not your children.: Well, I hope your Father’s Day was as enjoyable as mine. Even though I preach that every day is Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day), I thoroughly enjoyed being spoiled by my family. I sat in my recliner and watched the US Open all day long. Watching sports of any kind has always been one of my favorite pastimes. It is the only true reality show there is, where no one is sure of the outcome until the contest is over. Even though last week’s NBA finals wasn’t much of a nail-biter, I still enjoyed what little drama it provided.

Be mindful of what you say as children listen better than you may think.: Be careful what you say. Your kids are listening. I learned this lesson very well at 3:00 A.M. on the day of my hike into the Grand Canyon to raise funds and awareness for cancer. I spent months preparing for this hike and the day was finally here. I was paranoid about missing this "chance of a lifetime", so I arranged for a series of alarms to go off and rouse me from my slumber. My cell phone clock was set, my alarm clock was set, a wake up call was arranged from the front desk, and my fellow hiker Albert was scheduled to call as well. In the small hotel room with two double beds, the cacophony of wake up alarms could not help but ...

Coming to Terms with Apologies: "If I don't scream, how can I get my kids to do anything?" That's the question on the minds of many at the beginning of my seminars. At the end, hopefully, the question(s) run something like this: "How can I start over with my kids, now that I know I've blown it time and time again? Is it okay to apologize and start anew?"

Let your children experience victory and defeat on their own: I went to a conference a few months ago and had the chance to swap stories with my fellow teachers of English. I found it fascinating that regardless of the location and financial status of the school in question, many similarities abound when it comes to our experiences. Most of us really love the literature and the students we teach. Most of us really do find ourselves checking for errors on any scrap of paper that comes our way, despite our best efforts to be normal. Most of us really have heard conversations like the one below.

Can a cheesy love song bring insight into marriage?: Despite my love for Paul McCartney’s post-Beatles work with Wings, I have to agree with John Lennon on this one: the world is full of silly love songs. Romantic love is the most overplayed sentiment in music, especially when it tries way too hard to be sentimental. In fact, that’s my definition of the popular slang word “cheesy.” My kids hear me use that term all the time and last year they finally asked me for a definition. After much thought (it’s actually quite difficult to define), here’s what I came up with: “cheesy” refers to any extreme effort to be sentimental. (Of course, then I had to define “sentimental”…)

The Influence of Hallmark: You won’t find pink carnations, chalky message hearts, and Hallmark platitudes around the Runkel home tomorrow. This day looks much like any other and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Hal is a bona fide Valentine Grinch and in this article, he tells you exactly why.

Can students educate the teacher?: As a teacher, I know when I am susceptible to burnout. And a few weeks ago, the writing was on the wall – make that the dry erase board. I was in trouble. Little things that I used to handle with ease were making me snap. The knot in the middle of my shoulder blades was so big that I decided to name it. When I actually uttered the phrase, “This is the most difficult school year I’ve ever had!”, I knew I was on the verge. Um…remember last year, Jenny? I had cancer, for crying out loud! I taught through chemotherapy and radiation. I looked like a bloated mannequin back then, only less tan. Now I am fully recovered and can even complain about bad ...

I Have a Dream Today!: A week ago America celebrated the 78th birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Along with the familiar celebrations, such as the annual memorial at King’s Ebenezer Baptist church, was the much anticipated first public viewing of the King personal papers. The Atlanta History Center began a five-month showing of these notes, journals, letters, and sermons that provide a revealing entrée into the mind, heart, and soul of a man who changed all our lives.

Do your New Year: It wasn't always that way for me. I used to downplay New Year's Eve to myself and others, and we used to be in bed by 12:01am, or worse, even earlier. I also used to avoid dancing at all costs. This had nothing to do with dancing ability, though. It had everything to do with my discomfort in my own skin. I always figured that I'd have to develop into someone else in order to truly let go and dance. Like so many this time of year, I'd have to believe the promise of the magazine covers: You Can Become the New You!

Avoiding the Grinch spirit at Christmas: We here at ScreamFree Living want to wish you and your family a happy holiday. May you enjoy peace and calm as you celebrate the season. We know that is not always easy. Click on the link below to see that even those who created ScreamFree don't breeze through the season without a scratch. Read Jenny's article "The Grinch That Stole Mommy" and laugh along as you see that we're really all in this together.

Handling a child or toddler's temper tantrum: Complete and total meltdown. Tears streaming, body thrashing, words spewing. It wasn't pretty, but at least it wasn't me. My almost seven-year-old son was throwing a tantrum that would give a two-year- old a run for his money. As much as I wanted to join Brandon in his tantrum, I am proud to say that I didn't ... but I was close.

Wisdom from The Beatles: We gave her most of our livesSacrificed most of our lives…Why would she treat us so thoughtlessly?-The Beatles, “She’s Leaving Home” Okay, I admit it. I was wrong. A couple of weeks ago I claimed it was a self-evident truth that U2 had surpassed The Beatles as the greatest musical group in history. Given the amount of vitriolic feedback I received, you would have thought I had promoted Hitler as the ideal ScreamFree Leader. So to all of you, I admit it. I was wrong and you were right. The Beatles are the greatest group of all time.

What truths do you hold?: I hope you Americans out there enjoyed a safe, joyous time with your families on July 4th. It is indeed a powerful day worth celebrating, signifying America’s independence from Britain and its birth as a nation (it’s also a special day for me and my family to remember my grandfather, Harold, for whom I’m named). In the spirit of 1776 and that remarkable Declaration, I’d like to articulate some truths I hold to be self-evident:

Earl Woods, a ScreamFree Dad: “My dad never pushed me into golf. He never told me to go practice; he never even asked me to play. It was always me wanting to play with him.”-Tiger WoodsIf you’re watching golf this weekend, like I will be, look out for the new Tiger Woods commercial. It’s a collage of various footage and photographs from Tiger’s childhood, all showcasing his close relationship with his father, Earl Woods. You can view a version of it here.

The ScreamFree Parenting Backstory (part II): Which situations tend to push parents to react the way they do? The number one complaint of so many parents is “they just won’t listen to me!” And my response is always the same. Yes, they do. They hear every word you say. It’s not that they aren’t listening; it’s that they aren’t obeying. We simply do not know what to do when our children choose to disobey us, or deliberately ignore us, or make a ridiculous choice that we know will backfire. And it drives us nuts.

ScreamFree Parenting is Possible!: When’s the last time you saw a parenting book that asked parents to defocus on their kids?-Rabbi and family therapist Edwin H. FriedmanThe greatest thing we can do for our kids is learn to focus on ourselves. That opening line is meant to come across as contrary, even heretical. “Now, it’s all about the kids,” is what most of us recite as soon as we bring offspring into the world. And we keep receiving countless bits of counsel urging us to continue taking all focus off ourselves and placing it squarely on our kids. After all, what they need is our constant attention, affection, and sacrifice so they’ll think the right way, feel the right way, and behave the right way. Right?

The ScreamFree Parenting Backstory (part I): How did you come to develop ScreamFree Parenting? Back in graduate school I became amazed at the level of existing knowledge on how relationships and family systems really work. I also became amazed at how most of this great knowledge was couched in academic language and available only to the most educated therapists. So, as I learned to work with families, and began to raise a family myself, I searched for ways to capture the best theoretical concepts and effective principles into the working language of real families and organizations. I then began to see that any truly helpful teaching would have to begin with calming our emotional reactivity. “Emotional Reactivity-Free Parenting” was still too academic, though. ScreamFree Parenting was born.

A Profile in Taking Care of Yourself: People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. -Leo J. Burke Sleep is just weird. The idea that for a full third of our entire lives our bodies and minds just check out has fascinated humanity forever. Even today, with our amazing scientific sophistication, we know less about sleep than almost any other natural daily function. It seems new studies about the amount we need emerge annually, with new findings and the latest recommendations. And few areas of human functioning seem to confound parents more than sleep. Think about it. As new parents, we literally beg for our baby to get to sleep and stay asleep, just so we can get some more sleep of our own. “Please, just ...

Calming Down, Growing Up, & Getting Closer: I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more. --Candice Bergen, American Actress (1946 - ) As we travel around the country, inspiring parents to calm down and grow up, I always hear one wish: “I can’t wait to see ScreamFree Marriage!” Now, I’ve been working with couples for years, and I’ve started presenting the Marriage seminar around the country, but these parents want more. They want the book. I like to think this is because after hearing the amazing power and wisdom of ScreamFree Parenting (and awestruck by the engaging, dashing speaker), people naturally want to expand that vision; they can’t ...

Reactive Dependence Turns us all Upside Down: “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.”-Mohandas Gandhi Last week we examined how reactive dependence turns us all upside down. By looking at the U.S.’s “addictive” dependence on Middle East oil, we learn about our own faulty dependence on our kids. What it comes down to is this: no one respects or likes to listen to needy people. Think about it. You may have compassion upon a needy person, you may pity a needy person, but you don’t respect someone who is emotionally needy. You resent them. And that is what our kids feel toward us whenever we need them to supply our emotional “needs.” And that’s when we lose our authority with them—we lose it in their eyes.

What Nations Need Most are Superpowers Who Do Not Need Them: It’s Oscar time, so get ready to hear all about all the movies you “must” see in order to be in the know, on top of things, and popular at the water cooler. I’m always wondering who the heck has time to take in the “25 Movies You Must See Before the Oscars”? Believe me, I preach the need for couples to have regular date nights, but creating the time and babysitting and money to see 25 movies over the next two months just ain’t happening. I guess I could skip working out at the gym, but then I’d end up looking like George Clooney in “Syriana.”

These are My 2006 Goals: While celebrating the prettiest Christmas lights of all (relatives’ taillights as they travel back home), it’s now time to move on to what I believe is truly “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”: New Year’s. We at ScreamFree are especially fond of January because it is the one time that our culture says it’s OK to focus on yourself. This one month it’s okay to reflect on your life and “resolve” to make the changes you’ve always craved.

Sowing & Reaping: As parents, we have within our reach the greatest and most effective disciplinary strategy in the world. No, it’s not military school or “Brat Camp”. The single greatest teaching and discipline strategy is a phenomenon woven into the fabric of life itself. Simply put, here it is: our choices have consequences. Every single one of them. There is a law of sowing and reaping that, when we think about it, has taught us more than any lecture, textbook, or sermon. Whenever we are able to calmly reflect on our experience, including our mistakes, then we begin to own our choices and become healthier, more self-directed people.

Calming Down During the Holiday Season: There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them. ~P.J. O'Rourke Yes, “Christmastime is Here.” Given a moment's reflection, you could probably predict a variety of patterns that are likely to take place this holiday season. Cousin Ed will bring yet another weird girlfriend who constantly smacks her gum. Aunt Velma's certainly going to make that jello concoction that no one ever eats, yet no one ever criticizes. Uncle Frank's definitely going to slurp too much eggnog and make a fool of himself, and of course, someone's going to have their feelings hurt long before dinnertime.

Wisdom from Special Needs Parents: During college, it was commonplace for me to enter into philosophical conversations about the nature of things. What is truth? What is beauty? What is love? That last question was always a hot topic. Is love the stuff of romantic fantasies? Or does it only belong to the realm of religious devotion? Most importantly at the time--what does it mean to “like” a girl, and what does it mean to “love” her?

What can Rosa Parks Teach About Great Relationships?: Don’t you know? Talkin’ ‘bout a revolution sounds like a whisper? -Traci Chapman, “Talkin’ Bout a Revolution" A world-mover passed away last week. A world-mover who refused to move. Like most of us, Rosa Parks did not see herself as a revolutionary. Yes, she was involved in the local chapter of the N.A.A.C.P. in 1955, and thus she was involved in the civil rights movement. But she was primarily a wife and a seamstress, living in the segregated society of 1950s Montgomery, Alabama. And one day she decided to do something different.

I Just Blew It!: Spring Fever is in the air at my house, but not in the way you might imagine it. Our type of spring fever does not involve allergies or cleaning lists. Spring Fever at our house means baseball. In suburbs all across America, the national pastime has again captured our attention. That’s a good thing because even if you don’t enjoy watching baseball, you can learn something from it about good parenting. “Going to the ballpark” can help us all, and here’s how.

A New Vision of Parenting: No doubt about it, we live in a very scary world. Kids have to deal with the newfound realities of online predators and cyber bullying along with the age old vices of drugs and alcohol. As parents, we want to shelter and protect them from as much of this as possible. We want to do what’s best for our children in all circumstances. We want to give our kids what they need most. So, what exactly is that? Buckle your seatbelts. I’m going to give you an answer that just may surprise you.

How Does Parenting "Work"?: It has been six months since our book release. We have 10's of thousands of book sales. We have pages of 5-star reviews on Amazon.com; myriad positive comments from the media and publishing worlds; we’ve been invited back to be on great shows like the Bob and Sheri Radio Show. Perhaps most rewarding, and humbling, we have thousands of emails, web downloads and comments, and feedback from real parents about how ScreamFree is "Revolutionary", or "Changing everything for the better”, or “It’s like putting glasses on…it’s so clear now.” We are so grateful, and honored to have all that. Yet at our booth at a recent fall festival, we were stirred, even mortified by hearing one woman ...

Every Parent is a Single Parent: I cannot really imagine being a single parent. Yes, I’ve counseled with hundreds of them, spoken to hundreds more. And yes, I’ve experienced countless moments of “doing it on my own” with my two kids when my wife was out, or out of town. And yes, unfortunately, I was raised by two single parents after my parents divorced when I was eleven.

Redefining Leadership: If we’re not under control, then we cannot be in charge. That’s a bedrock principle of ScreamFree Parenting. If I’ve lost control of myself, then I become the last person my kids will look to for safety, security, and wisdom. And I become the last person they respect enough to grant their loyalty and allegiance. That’s the price of “losing it” with our kids.

Thoughts on Hurricane Katrina: “After the flood, all the colors came out…”-Bono, U2, “Beautiful Day” As I write this, thousands of people in New Orleans and the surrounding areas are struggling to survive. Millions are wondering when they’ll even have a city to come home to. I watched the news last night in disbelief. The Superdome looks like a shell and the French Quarter is floating with debris. These are national landmarks and it shocks us as a country to see them changed by chance.

Parents Shape Kids and Kids Shape Themselves: There is an inherent paradox to parenting, and it confuses us all. It goes something like this: Parents shape their kids, kids shape themselves. Our entire role as parents is to help our kids learn to help themselves. The paradox is that if I neglect them, then they actually become more dependent upon me. If I smother them, then they back away without getting all the skills they need (they just have to get away!).

Responding to Cancer: I got God on my sideI'm just trying to surviveWhat if what you do to survive Kills the things you love?Fear's a powerful thingIt can turn your heart black, you can trustIt'll take your God-filled soul… And fill it with devils and dust.-Bruce Springsteen, “Devils & Dust” Some people, when faced with severe crises, are prone to ask, Why me? This might be the most common response. When it seems that we are being attacked in ways uncommon to those around us, at times when we can least afford it, then sure, Why me?

Growing up is hard to do for Grownups: My wife loves tennis. She started back in the game last year, and it has been incredible for our whole family. She is more energized, in better shape, and can more easily keep her cool. This new way of taking care of herself is a perfect example of the ScreamFree principle, “Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask First.”

Breaking Free from Surburbia: This past Christmas, Hal and I got to spend time with some of our favorite people in the world, Owen and Jodi Egerton. Just their names alone are cool, don't you think? Owen is an old college buddy of Hal's. Well, buddy doesn't quite describe Owen. “Pet” might be a better word. Owen used to live in a VW van while he was just out of college and writing his first novel, Marshall Hollenzer is Driving, but I digress.

What if my Daugher Leaves?: At ScreamFree, we often talk about giving our children choices. That doesn't mean becoming hands-off and leaving them to their own devices. Rather, it means setting very clear guidelines as to what choices they have and what choices they don't. Waiting until the heat of the moment to decide this for yourself will cause nothing but trouble. In this week's article, "What If", Hal talks about choices and how we must do some serious thinking about what kind of freedom we give our children. And guess what? Hal's perspective isn't what you might expect.

Focusing On Me: I admit it: I am not very good at balancing my commitments to work and family. I am guilty of bringing work home with me, both physically and mentally. I have also resented my work choices, and even my bosses and fellow employees, for the demands placed upon me that pull me away from family time. The answer to this common dilemma is usually some form of "put your family first." We've all heard the "on the deathbed" speech about wishing to have spent more family time, never one more hour at the office. And we've all heard the studies, the headlines, and the sermons indicating the virtues of putting family above all.

Write Out Loud!: What's wonderful about being ScreamFree is that when we encounter those moments with our kids that produce anxiety and sometimes anger and frustration, we can use those moments to grow and transform our relationships with our kids - if we can just remain calm.

The Greatest Thing We Can Do For Our Kids: Years from now, when Oprah leans across the couch and asks, “Hal, how did all of this get started?”, I’ll have my answer ready. It started right here with this newsletter and these words: the greatest thing we can do for our kids is learn to focus on ourselves.

Labels Are Damaging and Powerful When Used with our Children.: I devote an entire chapter of my book, ScreamFree Parenting, to the dangerous power of language and labels. In that chapter I assert, "What we say about our kids is more important that what we say to them." Our words about our children not only shape others' opinions about them, they shape the very identity of our children and how they relate to the world.

Raising Self-Directed Adults: One of the principles of ScreamFree Parenting is that "Kids Need Their Room". This is not just about giving them physical space, but about giving them the room they need to grow up, to make mistakes, to make their own decisions.

A Closer Look at Objectivity: For several years now, I have spent the majority of my time with children. I’ve worked with kids and have seen the depth and breadth of their young souls. I have been with them as they experience failure and victory, shame and pride, doubt and belief. No, I am not a guidance counselor. I am not a minister, a doctor, or a therapist. I am none of these, yet in a way, I am all of these. You see, I am a mother and a high school English teacher. Although these two arenas may at first seem very different, the lessons they teach me are strikingly similar.

Standing Together: “I’ll always be there for you.” Sounds like the words of a great friend, doesn’t it? Most of us think so. But let’s examine those words for a moment. Part of our mission at ScreamFree Living is to change the way the world talks about relationship. This is because our language is so reflective of our true beliefs, leading us to communicate messages that may not be the ones we intended.

A Mother: Undoubtedly, many of us heard this exact question this past Mothers’ Day: “It’s no fair Mommy gets a day; why don’t we get a kids’ day?” And undoubtedly, many of us came back with this exact reply: “Every day is kids’ day!”

Redefining Family: It may seem heretical to even ask this question, but is it really best for me to put my “family first”? This motto seems to be the rallying cry for every family-strengthening organization. Whether it’s “Put your family first,” or “Remember, family comes first” or some other variation, the emphasis is always the same—be sure to prioritize the interests of the family above any and all others, especially your own. No wonder Dr. Phil’s latest blockbuster book is simply entitled Family First. But does anybody ever question this piece of wisdom?

Letting Kids Remain Responsible: On a recent trip to LA to promote our book, ScreamFree Parenting, I received a great text message from my wife, Jenny. I had missed my daughter’s soccer game and my son’s t-ball game, and Jenny was texting me the highlights. While it hurt to not see how well Hannah and Brandon were playing, I was thrilled to hear the news and imagine the scene. Both teams won, both played great for their respective teams; Brandon even got the game ball.

Working Through an Illness: …and the tears come streaming down your faceWhen you lose something you can't replaceI promise you I will learn from my mistakes Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix you…-Coldplay, “Fix You”, from their new album, X&Y “So when does it get easier?” is a question I receive quite often. A courageous parent has started their journey toward creating calm within, toward becoming ScreamFree, and in the midst of his/her struggles begins to wonder, “When does it get easier?”

A Child: People ask me all the time how my kids are handling everything…and I never quite know how to answer them. I don’t even know the answer to that question about myself. To be quite honest, that has been one of the hardest parts of this whole thing—watching my kids struggle with my illness.