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Impossible to do anything at all entirely to the satisfaction of a certain class of individuals... This body of men is commonly designated by their comrades as the "grousers."
- JB Patterson, Life in Ranks Tue, 30 Sep 2008 19:35:00 +0200 Hello Christopher, Thank you for contacting JetBlue Airways. We regret to hear that you have been receiving unwanted promotional messages from us. When you signed up for our TrueBlue Program, you checked the box to receive special offers from us. At this time, we have removed your email address from our mailing list; you won't receive anymore emails from us including your TrueBlue statements or award notifications. However, you can stay posted on all of your TrueBlue account activity through your online account. We hope to welcome you onboard a JetBlue flight sometime in the future. Sincerely, Holly Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:07:00 +0200 To Whom It May Concern:
 At some point I must have registered to receive advertisement emails from JetBlue. I've never flown the airlines before, but I imagine I had to start receiving these emails for some reason. The thing I don't understand is why I keep receiving them after unsubscribing using the link at the bottom of the emails. I have unsubscribed some five or six times, repeatedly seen the notice "You have been unsubscribed from our mailing list," but still continue receiving emails. So I have two requests: (1) Tell me why this has been happening; and (2) Stop sending me advertisement emails in the future. Very truly yours, Christopher W. Sun, 07 Sep 2008 15:16:00 +0200 Dear Mr. W.: Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:24:00 +0200 To Whom It May Concern:
HSBC has the absolutely worst customer service I have ever dealt with. My ATM card is suddenly not working at the machine and, after 30 MINUTES on the phone, I am still not in touch with a representative. It is nearly impossible to be transferred directly to a human. Okay, I finally got in touch with someone after 10 minutes. Unfortunately, this person is in a different department. When I asked him to transfer me to the ATM card department, he transferred me to the mortgages department. Are you kidding me? And right now my cellphone batteries are running low. This sort of terrible experience happens to me EVERY SINGLE TIME I TRY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HSBC. This is exactly the reason why I intend to close BOTH my accounts at the end of this month. As if this weren't enough, every time I send a letter complaining about the customer service, I receive a empty apology back, a response that says absolutely nothing about fixing the bigger problem. Again, the customer service is completely atrocious. I intend to file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau this afternoon. Very truly yours, Christopher W. Sat, 28 Jun 2008 17:22:00 +0200  To KFC: I am an American citizen currently traveling through Bulgaria. To my surprise, I've seen numerous KFCs here. I've also noticed that KFC recently debuted a new sandwich. It's called the "Boxmaster." No joke. I understand that most Bulgarians do not speak English, and fewer still have familiarity with semi-obscene English slang, but still--isn't there some sort of vetting process that would have caught this name before it was slapped on a sandwich? Also: I'm a big fan of your chain of restaurants. If you have any spare coupons or stickers hanging around the office, I'll use them when I return to the states! Thanks, Christopher W. Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:29:00 +0200 Another guest Grouser, Taylor M., lets American Airlines have it for cramping her legs (and style) during a flight back in November. Lest you think all complaint letters are tossed in the circular file, check out what AA sent Taylor M.: "I got a form letter that I burned. And a $100 voucher." Damn right you did. ___________ Dear Mr. Arpey [President and Chief Executive Officer, AMR Corporation/American Airlines, Inc],  I would just like to inform you of the unsatisfactory service I received on a recent flight from SFO to ORD on 22 Nov (Flight 1608). Since it was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, the flight was completely full with the exception of a seat in the back row and numerous open seats in First Class. There was a major problem with the seat I was assigned (13A). The magazine pocket on 12A was broken, so the minimal leg room I should have had was cut in half. Instead of having the foot or so of leg room that most passengers have, I had about four inches. As a tall woman, almost 5'11", my legs were scrunched, and it was terribly uncomfortable. A metal bar jutted in to my shins and forcibly pressed my legs backward. Once all the passengers had boarded, I asked one of the flight attendants if there was another available seat. She informed me that there is one in the last row. When I asked about the ones in First Class, which were in plain view, she said that I could not sit there for security reasons. Since I wasn't sure what extra security checks or precautions the passengers in First Class went through, I asked for more detail. She said something about their names being in a computer. But since I was booked on this flight, I'm assuming my name is in the computer as well. Her explanation still doesn't make sense to me. Furthermore, I saw one of the passengers in seat 8A or 9A move to First Class at the same time I asked. This too didn't make sense to me. Trust me, I understand that the passengers in First Class pay more and that courtesy upgrades are few and far between, but I believe if there was ever a justifiable time to offer a courtesy upgrade, this would have been opportune. (The man sitting next to me couldn't believe the explanation and the service either, and he was a completely objective third-party opinion.) I'm writing you because I used to love American Airlines. I would frequently fly between LGA and PBI. I remember getting off the plane raving about the extra inches between the seats and saying how I wouldn't fly on Delta or any other airline in the foreseeable future. Over the past year or so, I have seen an extraordinary decrease in the both the level of the comfort in the aircrafts as well as the service provided on American. I had started to grow somewhat accustomed to this, but this flight was the worst yet. Numerous open seats, which I was forbidden to move to, despite the ridiculous discomfort my seat caused. And the reason was never quite clear since the flight attendant gave me a song and dance for an explanation. This was essentially my return to AA as well; I haven't flown you in sometime since my last experience was also poor. Perhaps now you can provide something to entice me back. By the way, I am assuming the flight attendant was either D. Burnett or L. Lane – she was a tall and slender African-American woman. I was unable to get her name since she appeared to have been assigned to the rear of the aircraft, and I was near the front. Also, I found it amusing that she described herself as tall in what I'm assuming was an attempt to empathize with my situation, but then offered no further assistance. Hopefully, you now can offer some further assistance. Thank you, Taylor M. Sat, 21 Jun 2008 11:19:00 +0200 Ed. - Ladies and gentlemen, our very first Grouser guest post, from fellow blogger Tommie-Ann T. I have a few other letters that I'll be posting over the next few weeks. Keep sending them in! _______ James Donald Dear Mr. Donald: I am writing you today with a complaint about your paper coffee Let's start at the beginning, shall we? I was once an avid and loyal Dunkin Donuts customer, but alas, the allure of Starbucks reeled me and I have yet to return to Dunkin since I crossed over. I have been frequenting Starbucks on a daily basis for roughly six years and often my habit is a twice-a-day ordeal. I cannot even begin to calculate the amount of my retirement fund that I have flushed into your bottom-line. But, I digress, that is not the matter here – although it probably should be. My issue is with your paper coffee cups and even more so with your Starbucks branded travel mugs. Can you make an item that actually holds the coffee inside of a cup or is that asking too much? As a general matter I typically brew Starbucks at home in the morning and pour the liquid into a Starbucks travel mug and off I go on my commute to work. I probably do not need to tell you the cost of the Starbuck brand travel mug, but I will – the cost is in excess of $10.00 and I own six of them. A few months back I began to notice that the Starbucks branded travel mugs were allowing the coffee inside to leak over me, thus spilling coffee on myself, on my nicely dry-cleaned clothing and frankly, making me look messy and unkempt for work. I am sure you know your clientele is no longer alternative-types blasting Nirvana. And while I am bred and born on Nirvana actually- I now have a big kid job – one which requires me to not have coffee spilled all over me when I enter the building. Allow me to explain how I got to the point of using Starbucks branded travel mugs in lieu of picking up a coffee at my local Starbucks every morning. You see, my routine used to include picking a coffee up at Starbucks until the coffee began to literally explode all over me. It seems that the coffee is so hot it actually causes a bit of pressure on the plastic lid and coffee spills all over you. Since that course of action was not working for me I decided to take matters in my own hands and brew at home. Now, once I decided to brew at home and go the way of the Starbucks branded travel mug can you imagine my frustration when even the mug leaked and spilled coffee all over me? At this point, I know you are thinking that I am either (a) clumsy or (b) suffer from some sort of mental deficiency that causes me to spill liquids all over myself, but I assure you that neither is true. I have now been through not one, two, three or four, but six, yes six, Starbucks branded travel mugs that have leaked all over me. Just to resolve any doubt you may be having about my level of competency to function in the world please allow me: I am 29 years old, college educated, in no way do I lack common sense and I am a manager at one of the biggest media conglomerates in the country. I assure you, I am neither an idiot nor am I lacking the skills to properly close a Starbucks branded travel mug. Simply put, it is not a coincidence that all of your Starbucks branded travel mugs that I have purchased have leaked all over me. Clearly, there is something incorrect in the design and I suggest you fix it. I would bet dollars for Dunkin Donuts that others have complained about this issue, I know I am not the only one. I threw away the first four mugs that spilled coffee all over me and I have the remaining two. Since I no longer have a use for them (except for possibly using them as tiny vases) and since they are taking up much-needed space in my cabinets I have enclosed them for you. I suggest you use them as a protype for how not-to design the next batch of Starbucks branded coffee mugs. Also enclosed please find my dry cleaning bill (for only one outfit, if I actually had the sense to include them all I would have to dig through my receipts dated back to October). Finally, I have enclosed a receipt for 1lb ground hazelnut coffee from Dunkin Donuts. I decided to go back to whence I came, if for no other reason, on principle. In a nutshell, I am sick of spilling your coffee all over myself. I can only speak for myself, but I know there must be others out there that feel my pain –I would be grateful if you could find a way to fix this. It shouldn't be hard. Many companies have figured out a way to serve a drink without expecting their customers to wear a bib. I don't want to wear a bib on my way to work in the morning; I just want to drink a cup of coffee. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments. Very truly yours, Tommie-Ann T. Sat, 21 Jun 2008 11:03:00 +0200 Is there any chance I can be emailed my original Bankmail emails to HSBC for the following five responses?
[response numbers omitted] Thank you, Christopher W. Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:57:00 +0200 Dear Mr. W.:
 Thank you for contacting HSBC Bank USA, N.A., the world's local bank. We appreciate your position regarding the information you had previously received, and apologize for both the inconvenience and confusion that this situation has caused you. Financial institutions around the world, including HSBC, have recently experienced an increase in technologically advanced fraudulent activity. Included in this activity has been PIN based cash and non-cash transactions. This fraudulent activity, while affecting a wide range of consumers and financial institutions, has occurred in relatively narrow regions and locations around the world. As such, as a first line of defense, we have chosen to restrict PIN based transactions in the specific cities and/or countries where the fraudulent activity has occurred. Due to the evolving and mobile nature of this threat, the specific cities and/or countries that have been restricted may change at any time, as new locations become reported and previous locations are declared safe. This list is confidential and may not be publicly published. At the time of your original inquiry on May 25, 2008, regarding your ability to access your account while travelling in Bulgaria, it is possible that this nation had not yet been identified as being part of this threat and subsequently restricted. On June 4, 2008, when we had informed you that PIN based transactions were restricted for the entire country of Bulgaria, it is possible we had not yet narrowed the restriction to specific cities. As of June 18, 2008, a significant portion of Bulgaria has been identified and restricted for PIN based transactions, due to high levels of fraudulent activity. Please note, these restrictions will not prevent you from performing 'credit' type signature based transactions anywhere that MasterCard is accepted. Our Customer Relationship Center is always available, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to meet all of your banking needs. Please e-mail us by clicking 'BankMail' in the gray navigation bar on the left or call 1-800-975-HSBC (1-800-975-4722), and speak with one of our professionals. If you are outside the United States, you may call us collect at (716) 841-7212. Sincerely, Heather D. Internet Banking Unit Manager Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:56:00 +0200 Ed. - Sadly, HSBC's "Bankmail" feature doesn't save my original letters, so I only have the responses.
_____  Dear Mr. W.: Thank you for contacting HSBC Bank USA, N.A., the world's local bank. We have forwarded your concern to the Management Team for review. We will contact you via BankMail shortly. We apologize for any inconvenience that this may have caused to you. For additional information on the products and services HSBC Bank offers, please visit us at us.hsbc.com Our Customer Relationship Center is always available, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to meet all of your banking needs. Please e-mail us by clicking 'BankMail' in the gray navigation bar on the left or call 1-800-975-HSBC (1-800-975-4722), and speak with one of our professionals. If you are outside the United States, you may call us collect at (716) 841-7212. Sincerely, Santaraj S. S. Internet Banking Specialist Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:53:00 +0200  Dear Mr. W.:Thank you for contacting HSBC Bank USA, N.A., the world's local bank. HSBC Debit MasterCards can typically be utilized internationally for purchases, as well as at any ATM which displays the MasterCard or CIRRUS logo. Due to the high instance of fraudulent PIN based transactions in Bulgaria, however, HSBC's policy is not to permit ATM withdrawals or PIN based purchases. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Please note that this restriction limits only transactions for which your PIN is utilized. You may continue to utilize your HSBC Debit MasterCard for purchase transactions processed as 'Credit', where a signature is required as opposed to the entering of your PIN. International transfers must be performed as wire transfers. A wire transfer can be performed through our Voice Response Unit (VRU) by using your Telephone Access Code and account number. You may also schedule a wire transfer at any local HSBC Bank USA, N.A. branch. To schedule a wire transfer by phone and fax, please contact our Funds Transfer line at (877) 472-2001. You will need to have your account number and Telephone Access Number available. Our VRU system will provide you with a request confirmation number and a fax number to which your request should be sent. Your wire transfer request should include the confirmation number provided, as well as accurate account and routing information for the sending and receiving parties to ensure proper and timely processing. Faxed requests that are received by 3 p.m. on a business day will be processed the same day. Requests received after 3 p.m. on a business day will be processed on the next business day. Please note that there may be a delay for international or foreign currency wire transfers. For additional information on the products and services HSBC Bank offers, please visit us at us.hsbc.com Our Customer Relationship Center is always available, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to meet all of your banking needs. Please e-mail us by clicking 'BankMail' in the gray navigation bar on the left or call 1-800-975-HSBC (1-800-975-4722), and speak with one of our professionals. If you are outside the United States, you may call us collect at (716) 841-7212. Sincerely, Marguerite G. Internet Banking Specialist Mon, 02 Jun 2008 07:51:00 +0200 Dear Mr. W.:
Thank you for contacting HSBC Bank USA, N.A., the world's local bank. We are sorry to hear that you've received service that has been less than satisfactory. At HSBC we are always working to ensure we meet or exceed our customer's expectations. The 'Personal Internet Banking Service Unavailable' message is displayed while our Internet Banking service is being updated. The systems may update any time between 12:00 midnight to 6:00 a.m. EST on a business day. If you require any assistance with your account, please contact us at the number below or send us a secure BankMail. For additional information on the products and services HSBC Bank offers, please visit us at us.hsbc.com Our Customer Relationship Center is always available, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to meet all of your banking needs. Just e-mail us at globalinfo@us.hsbc.com or call 1-800-975-HSBC (1-800-975-4722). If you are outside the United States, you may call us collect at (716) 841-7212. Sincerely, Sumanth A. Internet Banking Specialist Sun, 01 Jun 2008 08:36:00 +0200 To HSBC:
Jesus, this is the most Kafkaesque complaint process I have ever been through. You'd have to be Theseus to find your way through this thing. Okay, enough with the allusions. I am abroad right now trying to access my account and I get this: "We're sorry. Personal Internet Banking service is temporarily unavailable. Please try again shortly. We apologize for the inconvenience." Are you kidding me? This isn't Cute Overload, this is my bank account, the place I get money from. The site should never be unavailable. When will this be fixed? This is a serious issue for me if I can't access it. Honestly, this is one more reason I'm planning on canceling both my HSBC accounts and the accounts of my family members when I return to the states. Between the constant screw-ups and the horrendous customer service, I have been very disappointed in the bank. Sincerely yours, Christopher W. Sun, 01 Jun 2008 08:16:00 +0200  Dear moneybookers.com: This is my first time using moneybookers.com. I'm using it because I'm trying to add $10 credit to my newly created Skype account. It has been one of the most unnecessarily complicated internet transactions I've had in ages. I try to pay using my credit card, a Visa. On most sites this process should take about two or three clicks. But after going through the numerous steps to create an account, verify my email address, verify my email address again for some reason, open a new browser because the site doesn't work in Firefox, add all my personal information, then--and only then, after I've given your site my information I get this informative message: " For security reasons, we cannot process your credit/debit card at this time." Why? Oh, of course, security reasons. That's the same blanket answer the Bush administration gives when it does something ridiculous. After poking around on the site a bit more, it seems I might have to verify my credit card. Why this wasn't told to me earlier in the payment process is absolutely beyond me. In order to verify it, I have to go through yet another lengthy processing involving SMS--which, on a trip in Europe, I don't currently have. My other alternative is paying through my bank account, which can take up to 2-3 days and requires me giving your website even more sensitive financial information that, for all I know, will not actually put the 10 DOLLARS I want to put into my Skype account. Overall my major problems with the site are that there's a preposterously complicated process for making small payments and the site gives absolutely no warning of this process beforehand. Overall, it's been a frustrating experience and I'm considering just giving up. Or maybe just hand delivering the $10 bill to the Skype offices. It seems like it would be easier. I'm also copying Skype on this email, because I think they did a poor job of choosing a payment company. I've had zero problems with PayPal. Sincerely yours, Christopher W. Wed, 14 May 2008 16:40:00 +0200 I'm going to switch The Grouser's format to also include complaints letters written by other people. Soon I'll put up a badass looking button on the side saying this. In the meantime feel free to send in any letters you've written. Letters will be posted at my discretion.
Yours truly, Chris W. Sun, 04 May 2008 00:22:00 +0200 As you can imagine, we receive thousands of messages a day from our viewers and while we appreciate you taking the time to provide feedback regarding our programming, we are not able to respond to each one directly.
We encourage you to continue to communicate with us! Sun, 04 May 2008 00:19:00 +0200  Dear ABC.com: I'm trying to watch the last episode of Lost on your site. Unfortunately, the video won't play. There's "no ad data," and since the ads aren't working, I can't see the content. This is the third online player I've used on ABC.com. All of them have been slow, unwieldy, and ad-ridden. This time I even had to install some sketchy software before playing the video. How can ABC expect people to watch shows on its site rather than unofficial sites when the ABC player is of such lower quality? Very truly yours, Christopher W. Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:09:00 +0100 Dear Christopher:
Thank you for contacting me about H.Res. 847, a resolution recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith. I've spent my entire life, both public and private, as a defender of religious freedom for all, and of persecuted religious groups around the world, regardless of whether they are Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists or Jews. I take deep offense at the suggestion that I am anti-Christian or anti-Christmas. I am neither. As a citizen, I am deeply grateful for the contributions of Christians and Christianity to our founding principles and our national life. I am, however, also a determined and fervent advocate for the Constitutional principle of the separation of Church and State, which I believe has been a profound blessing for our nation. The neutrality of our government with regard to religion is not merely incidental to our domestic tranquility; it is a key reason that every faith has been able to blossom throughout our country. It was in this context that I voted against the resolution. The nonbinding "sense of Congress" resolutions for Diwali and Ramadan were very different from the resolution regarding Christmas and the Christian faith, in that they contained no theological or parochial belief. The Diwali resolution recognizes the "festival" of Diwali as a day of thanksgiving, and expresses appreciation for the religious diversity in India and the United States. The Ramadan resolution did not even once mention Muhammad. Its key points were to express concern about the misrepresentation of Islam by extremists as an excuse for violence and terrorism; to encourage democracy and tolerance; and to commend those Muslims who have already spoken out and rejected the purveyors of hatred and strife. The message was political, not religious. Had the resolution on Christmas and Christianity merely expressed appreciation for both without putting the House on record regarding what Christians do or don't believe about their religion, I would gladly have supported it, as might have the other forty or so other Congressmen who either voted "No" or refused to vote. I did not vote against Christmas: I merely voted against a resolution that was inappropriately religious in both tone and content. My only regret is that my views and my vote have been so thoroughly misrepresented. I appreciate your strong interest in this matter and I will continue to listen to all points of view on this and any other subject. Congressman Gary L. Ackerman Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:26:00 +0100 Dear Amazon:  I think the search function on your website should have some equivalent of Google's "Did You Mean:..." This would make it much easier for customers to find products when they mistype or can't remember the product's right name. Right now, if I search for steeyl dan, I turn up no hits and get no suggestions, even though it's pretty clear to a human (and Google!) that I'm looking for Steely Dan stuff. And how awesome are the Dan? Are you working on something like this? I think you should. Otherwise, no complaints about your website. Thanks,Christopher W. Wed, 30 Jan 2008 04:12:00 +0100  To the Filangieri Society:I recently received a letter in the mail from your organization, the Filangieri Society for Justice and Good Government. The subject of the letter reads "Congressman Ackerman's Vote against Christmas and America's Judeo-Christian heritage" [capitalization in original]. The letter urges me to "register my outrage" with my local congressman, Gary Ackerman, for not voting for Resolution 837, a House resolution "acknowledging America's Judeo-Christian roots." The resolution passed 372-9 on December 11, 2007. Congressman Ackerman was one of the nine nays. I'm writing to you for two reasons: (1) to ask you to stop sending me unsolicited mail; and (2) to tell you Gary Ackerman just found a fan in me. On the first point: please remove me from any and all mailing lists maintained by your organization and its affiliates. I do not recall ever requesting information from your organization. In fact, I had never heard of it until I received this letter. I have a general policy against unsolicited mail, and I won't make an exception for your group. As a preface to the second point, I'd like to thank you for including a copy of Resolution 847 with your letter. It's only fair to show what exactly Congressman Ackerman voted against if you're urging people to criticize him for voting against it. Furthermore, if I hadn't seen the resolution with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed such a thing could have been proposed, much less overwhelmingly voted for, by the House of Representatives. Having now looked over the resolution, I think it reads as silly as it sounds. But I won't explain why I think it's silly; I'll let my congressman do it. Fairly enough, your letter included two quotations from Congressman Ackerman defending his nay vote. I feel compelled to quote them in full:
These comments are funny and quote-worthy, and I'm glad your letter acknowledged that. What's more, they seem like pretty reasonable reasons not to vote for the resolution. In any case, they're certainly more reasonable than the ones you hint actually motivated Congressman Ackerman: that he wanted to to "vote against Christmas" or "attack... Santa Claus... and Christianity, our Judeo-Christian roots, America's religious heritage, and Western Civilization." Now I don't know Gary Ackerman from Adam, but those seem like pretty silly suggestions. The day I see Congressman Ackerman setting fire to the Bible, the Republic, and Moby Dick I might believe you. Until then, I'm skeptical. I commend my congressman for voting against Resolution 847, which I was ignorant of before this letter. It takes guts to vote against a resolution that you believe mingles church and state, especially in light of the overwhelming majority in favor of the resolution. I'm taking the opportunity to copy Congressman Ackerman on this letter. Sir, you have my vote in the next election. Very truly yours, Christopher W. Tue, 29 Jan 2008 05:33:00 +0100  Dear HSBC: This has been bugging me for a while now. As an HSBC customer who also has the internet, I regularly check my account balance online. This is a major tsuris. Simple enough, I start by going to the main website at HSBC.com. From there I have to click on "Log On," a small link hidden in the upper right hand corner of the page, among several other links of various colors and sizes. Then I go to the "United States of America" link under the Personal Customers section of the Internet Banking page. After that, I have to click on another small "Log On" link. Okay, now you try. This just seems like poor website design. HSBC would do well to hire a consultant to redesign the site, especially this tortuous log-in process. And I'll even bet a better planned website would increase customer satisfaction with the site. Believe it or not, I am not the only customer I know who has been irked by this! Very truly yours, Christopher W. Wed, 19 Dec 2007 02:46:00 +0100 Mr. W.,
Thank you for contacting Maxell. I am sorry to hear you are dissatisfied with Maxell headphones. We appreciate you sending us your feedback and we will forward your comments to the appropriate dept. Regarding the fit in the ear of the Jelleez, we do have an updated version of the Jelleez. If you are interested in these, please let us know and we can give instructions for sending yours in to exchange for the updated version. On the subject of the length of the cord or wire, again, we do appreciate your feedback. However, the Jelleez have a 3 ft cord like all our other current earbud headphones. You might want to consider a different style of Maxell headphone if a longer cord is desired or maybe consider extension for the headphones. Most of our other models of headphones have a 4 ft cord. We make an adapter kit (P-20) which includes an extension cord for headphones and many other manufacturers also make extension cords for headphones and other audio devices. Again, thank you for contacting Maxell Technical Support. Christopher S. Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:18:00 +0100  Dear Maxell: I haven't the foggiest idea what was going through the heads of your Research & Development department when they created Jelleez headphones. My old headphones broke on my way to school the other day, so I stopped in Duane Reade and bought a pair of your Jelleez as a temporary replacement. For $8.99 I don't expect high quality goods, but I did expect something that would be functional. These aren't. The main problem is that the earbud is way bigger than my ear canal and won't fit in my ears. I noticed this before I bought the headphones but thought there was just a squishy cushion (why else the name?) around the buds so that they'd fit comfortably. But no, the buds are actually giant bulbs of hard plastic. I've had headphones with poor sound quality before or ones that break easily, but I've never had ones that are completely useless. They're lying on the floor of my room now, where I threw them two days ago. And the thing I really don't get is that it probably would have been cheaper to make these headphones better. Didn't it cost extra money to use all that additional plastic to make larger-than-average earbuds? And another thing: the cord on these headphones is preposterously short. What is Maxell's target demographic? Short people with gigantic ear canals? I'm not merely writing this as a complaint letter. Knowing nothing about how these products get developed, I'm also curious about what process actually goes into designing a product like this. Any information you have would be greatly appreciated and might clarify to me how a product like this is actually able to get on the shelves. I can't for the life of me imagine how these headphones could have gotten past a test group of consumers. Thank you, Christopher W. P.S. I noticed you don't have a general e-mail address for complaints available on your site. If this e-mail is being received by the wrong department, please kindly forward it to the consumer affairs department. Sun, 09 Dec 2007 18:44:00 +0100 Thank You.
We've received your recent inquiry. If you have requested a reply, please allow four business days for a response. However, if you are without service and require immediate assistance please contact your local Customer Service department. Sun, 09 Dec 2007 05:07:00 +0100 [Ed.: Apologies for not posting for a while. I've decided to make up for it with a long, bitter, disorganized letter to my archnemesis Time Warner Cable. The tone is a little more vituperative than usual, but hey, if anyone deserves it, it's TWC.]  Dear Time Warner Cable: I meant to send you a complaint letter two months ago, when the first of the two incidents I'm writing about occurred. But other issues demanded my attention, and I decided to let you off hook, leaving my complaints for another day. Well, that day has come. Just yesterday I was reminded of how vexing your horrible, horrible company can be. Rather than just address this most recent incident, I've decided to compile both complaints into one I hope you'll at least give me credit for dedication. PART I Here's what happened: on October 12ish, 2007, I began experiencing internet connection issues. Now, I've dealt with Time Warner Cable's customer service representatives before, and it inevitably ends with me getting rudely-delivered, useless advice, and ultimately having to fix the problem myself. I wanted to skip the middleman this time and tried to remedy the issue without TW's help. So I did what had worked in past situations: unplugging, replugging, and reseting the modem and wireless router, testing to see if the internet worked when I connected my computer directly to modem, checking my computer's settings. But I still couldn't connect. So, biting my lip, I gave Time Warner Cable a ring. After a half hour--yes, a half hour--of patiently waiting, I reached someone. Here's the helpful hint I received: "Okay, I want you to unplug the modem." Check. Done? "Good, now plug it back in." Okay, did it, still no internet. "Still not working? Okay, we're gonna need to send a repairman in to fix it. When next week do you have time?" So that's it. That's the extent of the help. I asked the person if there was any other way to test the modem. Nope. Could you at least check if Time Warner has had recent connection problems in the area? No need to. There's absolutely no other advice you can give me? Nope. So I guess I'll make an appointment. Your next time slot is Monday? Four days from now? Only during the time I'm at school? Well, at least you can give me an exact time, right? No, only a four-hour window? What about the weekend? No? Two weeks from now? And let me just make it clear: the woman was incredibly, incredibly rude the entire time. She couldn't understand that I might be upset for getting zilch in the way of helpful advice, losing internet for two weeks, and having to miss a day of school--not to mention for waiting on the phone for over a half hour and being rudely treated by a person whose paycheck comes from my staggering cable bill. Now ready for the punchline? I hang up the phone, tinker with modem a bit, this time standing it on its side and, get this, it works fine. The problem--admittedly stupid of me for missing it--was that the modem was not positioned on its side correctly. I never knew this mattered, but apparently it does. So while admitting that I was somewhat at fault in not seeing the problem, I still have to point out the issues I had with Time Warner Cable's customer service on this occasion (and have had on several previous occasions):
One sec, let me just grab a drink of water. PART II Okay, we're back. Nearly a year ago, when I first signed up with Time Warner Cable for cable internet (the only cable provider I could sign up with), I registered for automatic online billing. This meant I could get bills sent straight to my inbox and no longer worry about filling my files with more paper. Plus, I was saving the trees! I commend you for having this option. These days all companies should encourage paperless billing. But, thing is, billing isn't "paperless" if you keep sending the paper. See, just last week I received--you guessed it!--a paper bill in the mail. I have no idea why this happened: I hadn't requested paper bills at any point and had already received my bill for the month via e-mail. I wasn't so much annoyed because this single sheet of paper had been wasted, but because a problem with the way my billing statement gets delivered could potentially mean a whole host of other problems: how do I know Time Warner Cable isn't going to bill me twice, once for each statement? how do I know Time Warner hasn't been sending me paper bills the whole time and they've just been lost in the mail? how do I know Time Warner Cable's billing system doesn't have other major problems that won't get brought to my attention? When you're dealing with people's bills--bills that contain sensitive financial information--any screw-up is a big screw-up. So I called up to see what had happened. But, as happens every single time I call up your company, I was put on hold for an ungodly amount of time. I eventually hung up out of frustration. I remembered that I had never written the letter about the rude customer service representative, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and write this. END OF PART II I understand the length and tone of this letter probably means you're not going to read past the first few lines. If you've gotten to the end, I'd like to apologize if I come across as rude. I'm just a customer with what I feel are legitimate complaints about fixable problems. Needless to say, they're not getting fixed. Respectfully yours, Christopher W. |
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