When I heard that High School Musical 3: Gradu-Dancin' broke records in the UK for the most advance tickets sales for a movie in the entire history of cinema three whole weeks prior to its release, I just knew that I had to book my seat here in the United States right away for opening night on October 24, 2008. And so I did.

I have a habit of going to the movies alone (out of all the movies released this year so far, I saw 39 by myself versus 28 with others), but I approach HSM3 with some trepidation. First off, if those tweens who left me threats of violence are going to attack me anywhere, then it's going to be at an opening night screening of Gradu-Dancin'. Remember what they said? "When I figure out where you live, I'm going to shove my school's flag pole up your ass," for example, as well as "I will track down your address and come with my dad's gun (well, guns, in fact) and kill you so you will see the light!" Secondly, believe it or not, I feel shame over my HSM obsession, so much so that I couldn't bring myself to attend the public HSM2 Premiere Party because I couldn't convince any of my friends who had kids to let me borrow their daughter for the night (in order for me not to look like a total perv in Buena Park).

So it's a new year and a new HSM movie. I fear the tweens a little less because they've surely forgotten about me by now, and I have dealt with my issues of shame by continuing to make my obsession public. Repeatedly. But I wouldn't mind having some company, just in case, to form a human shield around me inside the theater and to reassure me that it's all perfectly okay. Plus, some of you asked me directly if you could accompany me.

So, if you would like to join me for High School Musical 3: Gradu-Dancin' on Friday, October, 24, 2008, in the Los Angeles area (sorry, San Francisco) then let me know via e-mail or via Facebook and I will send you a detailed invitation. Please be very clear that we will not be going to make fun of High School Musical. We are going because we have the capacity to temporarily set aside our adult mind and assume the mentality of a 13-year-old girl. (This will not be a problem for gay men. In fact, no adjustment will be necessary.) The only things really required of you is to have a good time; drop your jaw and look at me in stunned silence any time something gay happens on screen; and clap after every single musical number.

[For those of you who are way behind on what my HSM involvement is, check out the handy links in the right-hand column. WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!]

I couldn't help myself. I just had to take the "Which High School Musical Character Are You?" quiz. And I discovered that I am Zac Efron!



(You can be Zac Efron too, just like me, if you take the quiz enough times. [I speak from experience.])

Did any of you ever see Roman Polanski's Repulsion? In the process of telling the story of one woman's descent into utter madness, the movie subjects viewers to a disturbing and nerve-jangling experience that makes them feel as if they themselves were going insane. I sat through Repulsion in the confines of a film class in college—I wanted to beat the professor senseless, and I will never see that goddamn movie again. Now that's not to say it's not a good film. It is.

Don McKellar and Fernando Meirelles's Blindness, based on the novel by José Saramago, reminded me a lot of Repulsion. Blindness, which tells the story of a kind of apocalypse brought about through a worldwide epidemic of sudden blindness, deals in the art of cinematic disorientation. Director Meirelles, whose hyperkinetic City of God made me feel like what I imagine being on cocaine is like, not only wants you to experience the panic and confusion of spontaneous blindness but also the visceral shock and awe of the entire world sinking into the depths of hopelessness, despair, violence, and inhumanity. He achieves this with camera tricks, fades-to-white, lots of darkness, moments of oversaturation, out-of-focus shots, funky scene transitions, etc.

Blindness, which really can be described as a horror film, is very accomplished, assaulting your senses with its wicked ways and dripping in allegory to keep your intellect in play—but I never want to see it again and I would never recommend it to anyone. A strange dichotomy, huh?:



And is it me, or are non-Americans like Meirelles the only ones using allegory to great effect these days in cinema? Have Americans lost this style—or have they never been good at in the first place?

On the radio I've been hearing quite a bit about bigots lately, and a lot of them seem to come from North Carolina. I'm not kidding, and this is not a snide jab at you, BFF—but the radio people time and time again manage to find deep prejudice in your grand state.

So it heartens me to learn about a website—and a movement—called Rednecks for Obama. They are exactly what their name says. And the first testimonial that I found in their guestbook section on the website was written by a redneck...from North Carolina! Mike, there's hope for your people yet!

[Thanks to Jason at Is That a Gavel in Your Pants? for posting this.]

During my live stage shows, I often make the claim that I am the worldwide authority on the High School Musical franchise and its gayness. Alas, this is not lofty exaggeration, people!

Go to Google, and do a search on the words "high school musical" and "gay." What is the first thing that comes up?! ME!!!!!

You know, if they launched some class on HSM at some Ivy League institution, I would be on the shortlist to teach that motherfucker.

The following pics of academic tests show students failing questions but winning laughs. Click to enlarge, if necessary:

I have a backlog of blog posts that I've wanted to write, some of which will surely turn the tide of American culture. One of the topics I haven't gotten around to yet has been the nonsensical search for the "gay gene," or, simply put, that thing that proves that homosexuality is not a choice. I've long wondered, So what if it's a choice? Well, by golly, you've got hand it to the Los Angeles Times for publishing such an intelligent, eloquent opinion piece about this very issue. Some choice excerpts:

But insisting that homosexuality is wholly involuntary does little to defend gays and lesbians from social disapproval. After all, the subtext of the "choice" debate is that opposing gay rights is only appropriate if gays select their sexuality, since it is unfair to punish someone for something one does not control. Yet this reasoning raises a larger question: Why should equal treatment of gays and lesbians hinge on whether they have chosen or inherited their identities? Whether our DNA or our free will are "at fault" really only matters if being gay is a bad thing....

It is past time to retire the question of whether being gay is a choice -- not because it's been settled but because it never made sense in the first place....

Why not champion a homosexual's right to honor erotic, romantic and emotional callings in the same way, so long as doing so doesn't harm others? The concept of choice should be no more -- and no less -- applied to sexual orientation than to our religious, political or vocational identities.

It is this understanding of choice that embodies the noblest meaning of American freedom. It is a conception of freedom that invites us to choose to do what we think we ought -- to act in accordance with our deepest convictions.

And it's a notion of freedom with a long and celebrated history in American culture. The Pilgrims did not come to America seeking license -- permission to do anything they pleased -- but liberty -- the right to exercise their judgment as they saw fit. The freedom celebrated by Thomas Jefferson was the freedom to practice civic virtue, to behave the way one thought one should, not to live and let live. Ralph Waldo Emerson counseled self-reliance -- not so we could indulge our whims but so we could intuit our true callings and choose to pursue the paths that made us most ourselves.

What say you, readers?

[Read the entire article here.]

I swear to you it wasn't me!:

Zac Efron might be regretting making the trip to London to promote High School Musical 3 after he was ambushed last night by an 'crazed fan.'

The man launched himself at Zac before security guards could stop him.

Zac and his girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens were leaving the Apollo theatre after seeing Josh Hartnett in Rain Man when the attack happened.

The middle aged man rushed up to the couple and started shouting abuse and pointing at the young stars.

The unknown attacker was carrying a laptop and witnesses say he was trying to grab Zac's hair.

According to reports the man wouldn't let go of Zac and they ended up on the floor. Luckily a bodyguard stepped in and tackled the abusive man.

[Read the entire article here.]

[Addendum @ 2:52PM: Pictures of the crazed middle-aged man have surfaced! Look!]

I would love to say that the road to being cast in my play, The Theory of Everything, in Seattle goes right through my bedroom, but that, sadly, is not true, no matter how much I attempt to make it so. The casting notice that was just released is below, my Pacific Northwest brothers and sisters.

My favorite part of the notice, of course, is where I am designated as "America's foremost Thai-American writer." Really? Is that true? Really? Didn't some Thai novelist win some Genius Grant or something not too long ag0? (This is the part where you tell me, "No, that's not true. You are America's foremost Thai-American writer." At which point, someone like Noel Alumit will dig into his literary memory bank to disprove my foremost-ness. Give me back my foremost-ness, Alumit!)

SIS Productions in Residence at Richard Hugo House Announces Auditions for The Theory of Everything on October 23 & 26, 2008

SIS Productions announces auditions for their Northwest Premiere of The Theory of Everything by Prince Gomolvilas and directed by Manuel R. Cawaling. The show will run February 20-March 15, 2009. Auditions will take place on Thursday, October 23 from 6:30-7:30pm and on Sunday, October 26 from 12-5pm. Location information will be provided when audition time is confirmed.

To schedule an appointment, actors should email sis@sis-productions.org and put "Audition" in the subject heading. Actors may also leave a message at 206-323-9443. Please include the following information: Name, Contact Info (email address and phone number/s), several options of Audition Date/Time preferred. Actors will receive a confirmation. If confirmation is not received, please do contact us again.

Actors are encouraged to prepare 2 contrasting monologues--each a minute or less in length. Monologues are optional. Sides of the script will be available. SIS Productions would like to see as many people who fit the character breakdowns as possible. Ethnic specificity is not required. Actors are encouraged to audition regardless of lack of prepared monologue or previous experience.

Character Breakdown:
Patty: 39, Female, Asian or Asian American (Thai American)
Gilbert: 21, Male, Asian American (Filipino American)
Lana: 21, Female, Asian American (Chinese American)
May: 65, Female, Asian (Thai immigrant)
Hiro: 41, Male, Asian or Asian American (Japanese American)
Shimmy: 43, Female, Asian or Asian American (Filipino American)
Nef: 26, Male, Asian American (Chinese American)

"A refreshing look at Asian-American issues of race, gender and identity, layered with deeper questions of life and death. Gomolvilas's writing is tight, intelligent, and funny.... Likeable characters and sharply written dialogue.... A play worth seeing for its humor and humanity."
--The Business Times, Singapore

Seven Asian Americans gather atop a Las Vegas wedding chapel every week to watch for UFOs and discover a unique personal bond as they each search for their own life's meaning. This vibrant and insightful comedy won the International Herald Tribune/SRT Playwriting Competition, the Julie Harris Playwright Award, and the PEN Center USA West Literary Award for Drama. A funny, moving, brilliantly written play about life and the meaning of existence by America's foremost Thai-American writer.

SIS Productions is a production company that strives to create, develop, and produce quality works that involve Asian-American women, their themes, and Asian-American issues. SIS Productions encourages opportunities and support for Asian-American women to be involved in all aspects of the production of artistic endeavors.

The Theater Residency at Richard Hugo House provides a home for all aspects of the companies' work during their two-year residencies including the venue, unlimited rehearsal space, office space, and storage, as well as cross marketing with Hugo House events. Hugo House awards two theater companies with residencies for two years each to bring the work of local playwrights to the stage. More information on these and other Hugo House writers-in-residence can be found at www.hugohouse.org/residencies.

www.sis-productions.org

In this excerpt from a speech by AFL-CIO Secretary Treasurer Richard Trumka to gathering of steelworkers, the union man speaks passionately about Barack Obama, racism, and the need to transcend color lines. It's quite something:

At a rally in Pennsylvania, John McCain lets slip what he really thinks of you:

You can't trust those damn foreigners! An unidentified "foreign newspaper" (I bet it was from the Philippines!) recently published a story claiming that Zac Efron had been killed. According to various news reports, Zefron had to call his mother to assure her he still had a pulse. This blog's readers, of course, would've never believed such nasty rumors because we all know that Zac Efron is immortal. He will be able to do the booty dance for all of eternity:

First of all, let me warn you that my posts about High School Musical will be close to—if not totally—relentless in the coming weeks in anticipation and in the wake of the premiere of High School Musical 3: Gradu-Dancin', which hits U.S. theaters October 24, 2008. Secondly, I am refusing to refer to the movie as High School Musical 3: Senior Year (its actual title) because one of the original working titles, High School Musical 3: Gradu-Dancin', is about 300 degrees of FABULOUS. Thirdly, when sending me e-mails or leaving comments about said film, you must always call it High School Musical 3: Gradu-Dancin' or, simply (and hip-ly), HSM3: Gradu-Dancin' or I will pretend to not know what you're talking about.

As the countdown to the premiere is underway, it's not too early to give you a heads-up about what's expected of you near the end of this month. As you know, my posts on the High School Musical franchise (see right-hand column for handy links) have reached legendary status: they've collectively received more than 2,000 comments from mostly angry tweens worldwide; been linked to on a bunch of other blogs, boards, USA Today, and Fark; got talked about on KROQ; snagged me some paid writing work; became the centerpiece of my last Jukebox Stories show; and quadrupled this blog's readership. But now I will no longer have the support and promotion of AOL because the QueerSighted blog where this "High School Musical is gay" phenomenon all began died a horrible death (though a few mysterious, inexplicable, inconsequential posts have popped up over the last few days), which means my inevitable and greatly anticipated article on the gayness of High School Musical 3: Gradu-Dancin' will languish in relative obscurity.

Here's where you will eventually come in. When that official HSM3 post goes live in a couple of weeks (probably October 25 or 26), all of you who are so inclined to my cause (yeah, I'm not sure what that "cause" is either) are encouraged to link to it on your own blog, pass it around via e-mail, and put it on discussion boards, Digg, Delicious, Reddit, Facebook, MySpace, and every social networking site known to man. It's my goal to at least come close to the hysteria that was created on AOL. For what reason? Well, there is no reason, really, other than my shallow desire to make it so.

You realize how amazing High School Musical 3: Gradu-Dancin' will be, right? You saw this amazing trailer, right?:



All I know is that, when I'm in the theater and Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens sing to each other in spotlight in the gym, I will cry. Some of you have expressed interest in watching me cry. Well...keep posted.

We had fun talking about foreskin in a previous post, but there's oh-so-much more to say. First off, someone who identifies himself as "TLC Tugger" in the comments section really wants us to join in on the foreskin restoration revolution. You cut guys can do what you want, but I still think clamping a device on your cock made out of "sanded-down PVC pipe with medical tape, S hooks, and elastic waistbands from boxer shorts" is horrifying.

However, it's certainly not as horrifying as a guy getting circumcised at the age of...twenty fucking four! Oh, yes, Malaysian blogger friend Jason Phoon chronicles his quarterlife cut here and here and—this is the worst part—posted a video of his ceremonial flushing. Of his foreskin. Down the toilet.

For a sense of sanity, we have to travel to the backwoods of North Carolina of all places and into the mind of my BFF, Mike Valentino, who takes an impassioned stand for foreskin (which he refers to as deep-fried calamari):

Circumcision is wrong! It serves no medical purpose whatsoever...! I, like Sarah Palin, am pro-choice. I think the abortion decision should be left to the woman and her rapist, but once that child is born (this is for Rabbis, pedophiles, and parents everywhere) keep your hands off your child's dick!

Mike has more to say on that here.

Of course, Mike's wise words are almost cancelled out by a recent disturbing post in which he described Ricki Lake naked and giving birth in a bathtub as "probably the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

This love of babies, which I unwittingly perpetuated with that disgustingly cute baby-biting video, thankfully has a counterpoint, found through a kind offering from Misty of Popcultini, who informed me of the following cheeky and risque (and not safe for work) re-imagining of the aforementioned video:



Speaking of risque, remember Riskay, she of the infamous "Smell Yo Dick" song? Did you know that there's a slew of cover versions on YouTube? My favorite of the bunch is from this four-person self-described "choir" that performs an oddly moving acoustic guitar rendition:



...Closely followed by a cover by these three guys.

And that's all I have to say about foreskin, babies, and dick-smelling...for now.

Just mere hours after the rather boring second presidential debate, someone has already designed a McCain-inspired T-shirt that's sure to sweep the nation, as well as a website.



The shirt, of course, capitalizes on the moment in which McCain referred to Obama, simply, as "that one":



[Thanks to Patty Hose (remember her?!) for sending me the T-shirt link.]

If this election were Star Wars...



If this election were Star Trek...



And a lot more great analogies can be found here.

Ewan and I just spent an unwarranted amount of late-night time chatting online about whether or not a German newspaper article with the headline "Robbie Williams Was at UFO Camp to Write New Album" is real or not.

PRINCE: Would you like to discuss Robbie Williams and UFOs for my blog?

EWAN: Umm...is this even a real article? It's not a Deutsche version of The Onion, is it?

PRINCE: I'm reading it now, and I'm like, "Is this real?" I think this is a joke. Look at the other headlines: "Kate Moss bombarded by fleas" and "Daniel Radcliffe writes raunchy letters to 'Equus' co-star." But I don't know. Some of the stories are real.

EWAN: Let's not give it any attention

PRINCE: Wait! Google News spits out other reliable sources!

The article in question reports:

Robbie Williams, who has claimed to have had encounters of the extraterrestrial kind, has reportedly spent two weeks at a UFO camp in Washington to write songs for his new album. The "Angels" singer arrived with video equipment in search for extraterrestrial life during a recent visit to Trout Lake.

Extraterrestrial expert Michael C. Luckman--who recently identified Robbie as an alien ambassador--told BANG Showbiz: "Robbie used the occasion as an opportunity to write several new songs about aliens. I wouldn't be surprised if Robbie may be planning an alien album...."

The expert has now invited the 34-year-old singer to prepare for alien contact by being connected to a special brainwave machine....

Luckman recently claimed Robbie is a "point man" for extraterrestrials and will soon start a new religion in their honour.

Like I said, other news outlets have picked up the story, and I wonder if it's all part of an elaborate hoax perpetrated by Williams himself. After all, he loves to bait the press. For example, the best Robbie Williams quote ever is when he claimed that he would have sex with a man "to save a rabbit's life.... I would be prepared to bed a member of the same sex to save my own skin or that of a furry animal.... I wouldn't enjoy it but I could do it under pain of death, or if it meant saving a baby bunny from being burned alive."

Ewan and I agree that one of Robbie Williams's best songs is "Supreme," which slyly lifts from "I Will Survive" to drive home its disco point:



[Read the entire article here.]

Upset by tough questions during a live television interview, Bangkok gubernatorial candidate Chuvit Kamolvisit punched and kicked the host. Man, I love my Thai brothers and sisters. I mean, you don't get this kind of shit on American television! Well, several days later Kamolvisit lost the election.

Now if John McCain would just allow his hot temper to get the best of him and bitchslap Tom Brokaw, then Obama would be a shoo-in!

[Thanks to Jason at Is That a Gavel in Your Pants? for sending me this.]

Sometimes I think I take my foreskin for granted. I was reminded of this tonight when I was reading an article in Details about guys who are resorting to using foreskin-stretching devices and even surgery to try to get back at least a little of what man has taken away. More and more men want the joys of foreskin, some of which are in dispute (increased penile sensitivity and pleasure) and some of which are not (you know how easy it is to spank it?). How far are some willing to go to get their foreskin back? Well:

Other restorers jury-rig their own devices. Richard Baker, a 28-year-old network analyst who lives in suburban Dallas, is using a sanded-down PVC pipe with medical tape, S hooks, and elastic waistbands from boxer shorts. He expects to finish restoring in about two years.

I can't quite picture how this amateur contraption operates, but, if I could, I'm sure it would be frightening. But in the next paragraph:

Richard shares his progress online, posting photos on a website called restoreforeskin.org.

Oh, god, I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can look. Wait a minute. I'm going to take a peek, and I'll be back.

[Visits site.]

Thankfully, it didn't allow me access because I'm not a member.

Read the entire Details article here.

I don't think I'm in too small of a minority anymore. So, men of Bamboo Nation, take this foreskin poll:

You all know how much I love baby-kicking videos, but to counter the idea that I am a heartless bastard I give you cute British babies! See, I don't hate babies (much):

Last time on El Cor de la Ciutat, we discovered that emo boy Max wanted to tell the whole world that blond boy Iago liked Flamin' Hot Cheetos as much as Max did. But Iago was all like, "Look, bitch, what snack foods I eat in the privacy of my own home is my business." But that's not all they disagree on. Today, Max chats with various family members about how excited he is about High School Musical 3, and later it's clear that Max and Iago don't see eye to eye on HSM's merits. All this is pretty boring (and not subtitled, so you'll have to take my word for it), so forward ahead to the 7:30 mark, in which Iago decides to show up at Max's family's restaurant and demonstrate to everyone once and for all what he really thinks of HSM, much to the shock of everyone in the room:

Speaking of the VP debate and Saturday Night Live, Gwen Ifill talks about Queen Latifah's imitation of her and how Sarah Palin "blew me off" on Meet the Press:



You know, I think I'm going to have to retract my earlier comment about Gwen Ifill doing a crappy job. I think she explains herself sufficiently in this Meet the Press clip.

Tina Fey and Queen Latifah (ha ha ha!) take on the vice-presidential debate to, once again, terrific comic effect on Saturday Night Live. The section on gay marriage is my favorite:

Remember when I posted some of the worst album covers ever? Well, since we've been talking about religion lately, here's an appropriate album cover for you:

In David Letterman's post-VP-debate interview with NBC news anchor Brian Williams, Letterman continues to go after the Republican ticket (like he did here) and hilariously skewers Sarah Palin, bringing up some intelligent points along the way. My favorite Letterman quote about the debate: "I really was hoping for the proverbial train wreck. It couldn't get bad enough quick enough for me. But it didn't. You know, it didn't. And I went home, you know, disappointed and crestfallen." Ha ha ha ha ha!:



And the rest of the segment is here.

[Thanks to Louise Larsen for posting this.]