Half man half goat? Marching into Poland and the story of Maggie May

Is the late Robert Maxwell really Ian Hislop? Is the real Ian Hislop going to be fed to the Illuminati? Is Rick Waller Ronald McDonald?

New series begins with a short introduction and message of hope from The Colonel and Sage!

Celebrity News Report as read by Ian Thespian

The Colonel attacks! Surprise reprise: Last in series 6 - Corporate semen and clandestine cannalbalism with beefy's bouncy burgers

A turd in a box is still a turd in a box... force feeding poor people crap food with the humourist Gordon Brown... plus Sage and the Colonel sing the Beatles

Did the Colonel start the Second World War? Did the Colonel steal the World Cup? Does the Colonel believe in God? All this plus the wonderful Heather Mills clearing landmines.

How Jimmy Hill was responsible for the break up between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Also; the mystery of Princess Di's third son and the corrupt Chin Society, whos members include Jennifer Aniston, Bruce Forsyth, and their plot to take over the world.

Stephen Hawkins and Davros the traffic wardens, signed Royal prostates on ebay and torturing Vernon Kay.

The male birth, wrestling Cliff Richard for the prize, Red Ken's World of Wonder

Peeling testicles, money, power, fame and unprotected bottle sex, Bono and retards on tv

The Colonel is in love and is naked. Topics on the table today include inciting riots, berzerking on buses and the unfortunate display of Mrs. Webb's gash

The strange case of the disappearance of Brian May. Starring Steve Irwin, Hugh Hucknall, David Furnish as a Royal Corgi and Ben Affleck. Guest starring George Michael

The Colonel's great vision of The Vernon Kay Puppet Show will alas never come to be due to the passing on of Jeremy Beadle. How Robert Maxwell never learnt to swim and why the real Ian Hislop is incarcerated at the North Pole. All of this and much less more in the first of the new series of the Colonel's dubious memoirs

Who is the Bum Bandit of Westminster Bridge? The Colonel interviews his brother to get to the bottom of this disturbing saga.

Weekly comedy podcasts from Colonel Crabtree Smythe... preposterous tales involving the famous, infamous and imaginary.

Weekly comedy podcasts from Colonel Crabtree Smythe... preposterous tales involving the famous, infamous and imaginary.

Ron Hubbard and the hollywood cults are on the agenda today... dancing naked, selling your soul to the corporate 'man'

The Colonel explains his mad visions for profiteering from the melting icecaps... Who stole Kevin Costner's tights? Lesbian sex fests at Wimbledon and how the Colonel contributed to the downfall of Tony Blair

The Colonel's been reading the Daily Mail again and talks of sexual thrusting, fear of flowery types and the odd bit of prodding. He also recalls his African adventures and the time he was molested by a High ranking Nazi.

Ninja tricks, Sergio escapes, ballet dancing and the tale of Heather McCartney's missing leg.

Chaotic scenes ensue as the studio is invaded...The Colonel explains why Hitler embarked on his campaign of mass genocide... Extreme method acting...Offers of amputation and Ian Hislop.

Amused to the point of disgust. The Colonel's feud with Stephen Hawkins continues and explains his plans to send Hawkins and Phil Spector into space.

A sniper tries to take out the Colonel, Chic Sikhs, Chris Martin, Frank Lampard's thumbs and why we allow the Scottish to play tennis

The Colonel returns... Sage is sporting shorts and Crabtree is in silk... What exactly is the relationship between Dale Winton and the President of Iran? Also this week... beating and whipping, celebrity chefs, Mr. Blobby, fat people and fondling

No Colonel this week: Instead we have this special Celebrity News Report read by Ian Thespian

Did Delia Smith spike the Colonel's egg sandwich? Did Robbie Williams kill badgers? Did Louie Walsh headbutt a dolphin? Why did the Colonel steal the psychic false teeth of Cliff Richard's Mum? Last of the current series

Ever seen the Wu Tang Clan in pantyhose? Is Jimmy Tarbuck the Loch Ness Monster? More illusion, confusion and self delusion with The Colonel

Who eats porridge out of a plastic vagina? Is Tom Jones black? Is shit acceptable? These questions and possibly many others are answered by listening to this Episode of the Colonel's memoirs

The Colonel gets attacked by Gandhi, kidnapped by Cliff Richard and suffocated by a sandal. There's Catholic skullduggery afoot, dead relatives through the post, invasions by shadows, sore bats wing and a load of bollocks... what else could you possibly desire?

The Colonel is in his usual lunatic mode... KKK bus drivers, Beefy Botham eating umpires... and of course, rectums are all on the agenda

Kaki shorts, pictures of penises,finding solace in Charlotte Church's mum and trouble with traffic wardens are just some of the topics exposed by the Colonel this week

All hell breaks loose with fishing adventures in the outback with Steven Irwin. Find out how did Abu Hamza loose his hands and which Hollywood star was caught shoving a deoderant can up his tradesmans. Todays finale is the Conlenel's rendition of 'Moon River'

We start with a sore penis, then move on to hot potatoes, attacking children, training mosquitos to bite extremists and we hope against hope that Ronan Keating will never sing again

Is Bono a veal eater? Is Jim Morrison dead? Is there something nasty in Sage's woodshed? Beefeater hats?... Sandal confusion, suicide bombers, Chopper Harris, de-materialisation, Houdini... and of course, more fingers up rectums

Series Four begins with sausages! A brief history of the sausage in art, warfare and revolution! Also, Van Gogh, Nazis... egotistical foxes...

Bed wetting hoodies, namby pamby public school liberal facists, two sugars please...

More highly inflammatory rambling tales from our beloved Colonel... The Michael Jackson saga continues

A miniturized mad scientist is injected up the bottom of Michael Jackson... life sized puppetry and other unbelievable tales from our dear Colonel

Skulduggery afoot as the Colonel uncovers the links between leather clad nipple tweaking Richard, breast displaying Judy and the Al Qaeda network

Britney Spears, the nipple tweaking Prince, large ladies and Himmler's affection for funky chickens

Sage accuses The Colonel of racism, homophobia and pillow talk

The Hellfire Club of Decadent Dalliances

The Colonel retells his adventure with Van Strapon in the Belgium Congo... plus STDs, Cocaine, Jesus the Christ, time capsules, Maggie Thatchers heart, hairless balls, smaller persons...

Reincarnation... Ugly babies and the fiery furnaces and snooker loopy nutters

We all need redemption... the Colonel continues with Mark Twain, Steve Davis, Pakistan, prison, manginas...

This week, topics include: The talentless Mr. Blackwood, Norman Wisdom the hitman, and an unsavory incident featuring Lenny Henry and The Cottagers.

Along the way the Colonel offends another nation and recalls the series of events that led to The Colonel becoming a vigilante and explains reasonable reasons for cheating.

Cliff Richard rapping with sewer rats Richard and Judy.

Ratty Ratzinger and rectums, diamond smuggling and late night gardening.

The Colonel recalls the time he lost a testicle and how the Queen Mum gave him a Sharon Stone crossover.

All about Bob Geldolf buggering children, James Nesbitt stretching his rear and toilet trading.

Topics on the table today include James Brown, sex with Mary Whitehouse and force feeding Gandhi.

The Colonel reveals his part in the torturing of Gary Barlow. He also gets confusing with the Russians, Duncan Goodhew and dirty bombs.

More of the Colonel's musings. Today, topics include Himmler, cricket, the North Pole and Tsunamis

The Colonel returns with the Osbourne family, rum, sodomy, the lash and whoopsies.

A compilation of some of the funniest bits from the Colonel's first 10 radioshows. In these comedy interviews with Sage McCorkadale he discusses his involvement in some of the most interesting and bizarre events in history. Be patient...watch the skies...

Pol Pot, Tiddly Winks and the return of Churchill are all topics in episode 10 of The Colonel's comedy memoirs. Have no fear... hold tight...The Colonel will return on Tuesday September 18 www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk

Spielberg, Shakespeare, Mary Poppins and Cabaret www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk

Taken upstairs... cups of tea, Saving Private Clifford... and matters of the flesh www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk

Cricket, Che Guevara and the Colonel's freedom fighting Son www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk

Ska music, toilet ducks and letters of complaint in the sixth installment in the series of interviews www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk

The comedy radio interviews of Colonel Crabtree-Smythe. This episode includes the heroic 'Badger' and the return of the Kray Twins www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk

Back by popular demand, the Colonel continues to recount some of his humorous tales www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk

In this comedy radio interview the Colonel discusses his friend and mentor; the genius Otis Van Strapon www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk

A beer and a bugger... Colonel Crabtree-Smythe breaks his silence for the second time in over twenty years. In these comedy radio interviews he discusses his involvement in some of the most interesting and bizarre events in history... Including a nasty fracas in the Kings Cross area of London.

Colonel Crabtree-Smythe breaks his silence for the first time in over twenty years. From Felicity Kendal to Pol Pot, he discusses his involvement in some of the most interesting and bizarre events in history.