Its in the “j” s and the “z” s
Its in the “Should I’s?” of the world
Its there at the coast side some where far
My life boat moored....

Its chasing me away
Elusive- at a distance
I sag my shoulders- tired
Tired of running all the way

A sigh escapes
Followed by a murmur of words
Dejected- is the feeling
Everything seems so far away

Minutes ticking
Sun goes up and down again
The sinking feeling, still there, somewhere
I feel cast away

It continues to chase me away
Don’t even a shadow I see
Happiness it is, and nothing more
Elusive till the end of the day

Wo kehtein hain - khuda
Gham zara kam de
Raat ko aankhon mein neend nahi aati
Hum kehtey hain - ya khuda
Unkey badley ka gham humein dey
Is shab ko nazm mein badal na hai...

Meri Kalam
Meri Ungli ke ishaarey samajhti hai
Mere dil ke bhi

Kambakht har dard ka nishaan
Har din
Ek korey kaagaz par chhod jaati hai
Agley din
Ithlatey huye phir tayyar ho jaati hai
Maano poochh rahi ho
Aaj kis pal ka karz chukana hai?

Wo aawazein hain
Abhi bhi mere zehen mein
Jo mujh sey mera hona
Maangti hain

Poochho us baarish ki boond se
Jo ek pal ke liye
Mujhey mere hone
Ka ehsaas dilati hai

Dard hai ek
Meetha sa
Galey se utarta hi nahi

Na jaaney sirf aankhon ka
Namkeen pani
Isey kyun sehlata hai

Beauty Pagents ne jab se-Sundarta ki hod kya lagayi hai
Jahan dekho ek chehra, ek jhalak ek hansi sunayi deti hai
Pehle Jo na Mila karta tha baazaron mein
Aaj un sabhi ki dukaan lagayi hai

Skin firmer, wrinkle free creams toh kya
Ab naakhoonon par bhi painting banaayein hain
Deh ko chhipana nahi…
Ab dikhaney ki baari aai hai

Main sundar hun, main bold hun
Dekho kitno ka dil muthhi mein meri
Item girl toh pehle hua karti thi
Ab ghar ghar ke program ko item banaaney ki baari aai hai

Time nahi hai sabhi se milney ka
Tabhi toh Facebook account banaya hai
Phir hugs, kisses and photo sharing -
Ek nayi tarah ki dosti ki bahaar layi hai

Ek din aayega, jab office ghar mein badal jaayengey
Apni maa sey milney ke liye, hum kabhi - ghar ko jaayengey
Aayega wo din Jab un boodhi (old) Aankhon mein
Ek hansi ki jhalak ko dhoondta payengey

Teri Yaad Ne Ehsaas Dilaya Ke
Doorie Kya Hoti Hai
Yunhi Aks Mein Barbas Tera Chehra Dhoondna
Hamari Aadat Na Thi.....

The dots were light
Few years back
And I needn’t worry
Where they lead
Away in a world
Of friends and foes
I was busy struggling
With millions vows
Career, friendship
But no time for love
Just a little bit of time
For me to grow up
Tears of joy
With radiant days
Blissful nights
And lonely escapades
Never again did
The dots touched the eye
Whilst they grew darker
With every passing day
Then one day it struck
Shaming a lightning of its brilliance
The dots lead me to you
And this was the only chance
The laughter went loud
Eyes welled up more often
Days went more brilliant
And the nights dimmed the heaven
Wonder I
Oh what a design!
Awestruck I am
Waiting for no other sign
He had a plan
Oh I fail to understand
All these years these dots lead to you
And I stand here with no more demand

I pry them open
Yet they dance
I bathe them in water
Yet they slouch at every chance

I engage them with colours
And words and tricks
They seem interested
Only with subconscious pics

I tell them to open up
They smile and twitch
I try telling them stories
They rely on what they sketch

All day they keep me busy
Either hiding from dreams or reality
And at night when I tell them to sleep
They turn stubborn and make things blurry

There are days when you don’t mind getting drenched in the cold winter rain
The love in your heart keeps you warm
And there are days when you REALLY don’t mind getting drenched in the cold winter rain
Cos it’s sometimes the only way to soothe your pain

If I could weave my entire life again…
I would choose your color from the start
And weave it across - to the last…

Is Dil Ki Kya Suney,
Yeh Toh Kambakht Kabhi Bhi Dhadakta Hai,
Thokar Kha Kar Jab Tootey,
Toh Apna Sa Mooh Lekar Laut-ta Hai
Samjhaya Bada Issey,
Na Kar Apne Ko Kisi Ke Hawaaley,
Kho Kar Khud Ko,
Hamesha Ka Dard Chhod Jata Hai..

Just like
The tickle down your spine
The flicker in your eye
The smile on your lips
The spin of your thoughts
The humming of your mind
Thoughts knocking on your head
The movement of your eyes
Fingers snapping every sec
I am right there beside you
Watching every move you make…

I dream of walking by your side
Making way through the rain
With damp feet and cold toes singing
Making circles of vapours in the air

I dream of cuddling by your side
With a coffee mug to share
And nothing but a wide expanse
Of a starry night to stare

I dream of napping by your side
Tugged warm beneath your eyes
And nothing just a dream to knit
That with our heart - rhymes

Tu Tera, Tera Khuda Tera
Mera Khuda Koi Aur Hai?
Tera Gum, Tere Khuda Ke Aansun,
Mera Gum Koi Aur Hai?
Tere Hum, Tere Khuda Ke Liye,
Par Kya Tu Mera Hai?

The feeling of missing some one is the mother of all emotions, I feel. ‘Cos I think it encompasses all the emotions. It can be anyone- a lover, a sister, parents, old school buddy, your mentor, rival in college, pets, native place, your ex-boss (not for good reasons am sure), the small lane where you learnt to smoke… feeling of missing is all pervading. Miss some one you love, miss some one you hate, but you miss them/it just the same. I tried to pen down few ways in which I have seen/ heard people expressing their “I miss you” emotion:
1.Sit and listen to songs; their favorites too
2.Go through the memory lane with the help of pics
3.Call up
4.Keep checking the cell phone for a message
5.Creative ones write sonnets
6.Walk on the terrace and talk of related topics with a friend/kin and sometimes real random topics for no reason at all
7.Wear their favourite color
8.Taking the same route to work
9.Celebrating his birthday even when he’s gone (specially in case of pet owners)
10.Treasuring an old piece of paper/flower/gift wrap
11.Building a monument to their name (am waiting for one on ma name :P )
12.Naming your kids after them
13.Watching “P.S. I love you” yet again
14.Or simply going out with an umbrella, wanting it to rain… and when it doesn’t doing the same thing - next day again

P.S: I am missing Monsoons…. terribly

I got a call from my mother around noon. “Michael Jackson’s no more” she said in a sad tone. The tragic news of MJ’s passing away had been covered by all news channels but a call from a fifty something, with least interest in English music, forget pop, expressing her sadness over the phone, I think that speaks volumes of what a legend Michael Jackson was. Unknowingly he had touched the right chord in every ones heart, whatever with the scandals and controversies that surrounded the later years of his life.
As I write this there are over 18 thousand tributes that have already been paid to the legend on Facebook. And I don’t feel like writing anymore.

“Rain in Mumbai: Thirsting for more
Delayed rains, farmers’ nightmare
Andhra farmers worried over delayed rain…” so run the headlines across all dailies and news portals.
Its 25th June and the rains failed the forecast of the met department. Though it rained in few pockets in Mumbai the city faces a grim future if the monsoon does not catch on within two weeks. Heat waves scorch the north and central parts with temperatures soaring above 40 degrees. Roads have scattered traffic through the day with people looking for respite in enclosed spaces and AC consumption is on an all time high. No dark cloud, forget looking for any silver lining.
June has been a cruel month for the farmers and July is awaited with prayers on their lips.
Madhya Pradesh, the state producing 55% of the country’s edible oils still awaits monsoons, whereas by July beginning the sowing of seeds is already done. Delay in monsoons mean a drastic fall in food grain production and with the dried out tube wells and bore wells the anxiety levels for all farmers is very high. With all valuables pledged for money to buy seeds, the rain failure not only indebts them but also bring them to the brink with no food or money to sustain life.
As per NDTV report, the rain failure in the Krishna belt causes loss of 40,000 tonnes of food grain. In Telangana region the cotton crop is still to be sown and Andhra Pradesh counts days to water the fields to be readied for like paddy, cotton, maize and groundnut.
Government officials have predicted 81% of avg rainfall in the northwestern region of India and over all a 93% shortage. There is hope for a monsoon revival but the clouds seem very elusive. The rains, which should have covered most parts of the country by now, have stopped their movement ahead. The worry is that sixty per cent of the crops are rain fed and the government is drawing up contingency plans to counter the situation.
Rain failure would also put the newly elected government’s promise for providing food to all. Let’s see when it rains. Whenever, it does, should rain cats and dogs!

“There’s no doubt about it; this is a country that breaks your heart in a new way every day, fractures you in ways that you didn’t even realize you could be broken.”
Sanjeev Bhaskar, in his book- India.

It was nine thirty at night as I made way through the massive crowd of passengers walking towards their respective destinations. My train was scheduled for a ten thirty departure. Wondering how to spend an hour waiting in one of the busiest railway stations of India- the old Delhi railway station, I some how managed to climb down the stairs of platform No.9 without being washed down by the surge. All I could see was a sea of human heads. A sudden transformation as it was for me (for I was used to catching trains from Hazrat Nizzamuddin, which happens to be one tenth as crowded as Old Delhi) I battled to stay unnerved and found a small place to keep my bag. Eyes wide open with the new experience I soaked in all that I could see. Eyes looked at me as if I was an alien. My capris seemed to be out of place because women were either wearing sarees, suits or jeans which covered their entire body. I instead had a bit of flesh on display.
It was a different world on its own. Women sitting on their luggage with the platform chairs fully occupied, children walking barefoot to the vendor for comics, fathers filling up bottles with water from the taps. Some families eating dinner while some sleeping on the platform waiting for the train that takes them home.
Suddenly I felt a gaping rift between me and the people there. How without knowing, I had found my own niche environment where in I lived and worked. How my necessities were different from them. How my wants and demands were starkly different from most of the people present there. Not that I don’t know that a large part of India still struggles to manage three meals a day, but that the reality would slap me hard in such a way- frankly, I wasn’t prepared.
I had recently been too used to AC cabs and AC train coaches and clean environment that some where my mind had stopped remembering the less privileged. Yes, I think I am extremely lucky to have been born in a family where we were taught to work hard and endure hardships. Yes, there was hard work involved in whatever I have achieved in my life so far. But there was a cushion of my family’s support always around me, in what ever I did. Many don’t have that. And this sight was an example. That a father and a son would look at the same piece of bread with same hunger, that a brother would fight with his sibling to get a biscuit crumb, that a five year old would carry a five month old around begging for alms (not a rare sight) would pummel my heart and jolt me so strong- I was not prepared.
The most heart rending experience of the day was a small impoverished family of seven that almost brought me close to tears. The pics below were taken from my phone camera and hence are slightly blurred.



This family of seven lay on the platform. Two mothers with their respective children a grandmother and a young male member. One mother had three children, two 6-7 year old boys and an infant may be 6 months old. All of them lay on the bare rugged, dusty floor. Dirty feet, cracked heels, dried and worn out skin.
It was the infant that caught my attention. In his sleep he had moved a little away from his mother. A piece of cloth was collected and placed under him while a small handkerchief was used to cover his naked body. Small hands with clenched fists, rested parallel to his head (the way all children sleep). Legs still slightly folded reminding of his body position when inside the womb. The day was cooler with gentle breeze making its way across the platform. Every time the breeze blew, a small smile would cross his lips and he would take a deep breath of satisfaction. His tiny fingers would open ever so lightly and then fold back again. The smile would persist for some time before fading away into the serene expression of his face.
Sometimes a wheel cart carrying luggage would move across, just too close to his feet and my heart would jump up half expecting a mishap. Some times the shrill whistle of the engine would ruffle him up a bit. But the breeze brought him smile just the same. He had no crib, no baby cushions, no mosquito nets around him. No air conditioners and different creams and lotions. He might not even have had the basic vaccines necessary for his life, yet he slept peacefully, smiling with every gentle stroke of the wind. He had no questions, no anger, no resentment not even a want of MORE. Yet for him that moment was the moment of bliss where he slept close to his mother yet around danger.
I could not look at him long. I could not gather so much courage. People walking by would look at him. Walk away. Mothers even told their kids to look at the way the infant was sleeping. A feeling of pity was their in everyone’s heart but nothing more.
Life in itself is an experience. And some incidents suddenly make you aware of the fact that you are one of the blessed ones who have what most people can only dream of. That the want of getting more and doing more will persist till you die, but one should even find little joys with what you have. That life gives you the “present” to enjoy. And while you jostle up with the worries of future you would end up losing your present.
That baby taught me the joy of the present. It was the cool breeze and sleep that he was enjoying at the moment. And he was happy for that moment.
Soon my train came chugging along and I made my way to the compartment, half praying that the family gets to eat the biscuit packs I left near them when they get up and half praying for the life gifted to me.

Twenty for a bunch
Neither more nor less
Dangling thin arms
Where the bouquet rests

Bare feet on the roads
Skin scorched under sunrays
Dry lips, moist eyes - he hounds
Every single car on the way

Knocking on windows
Gestures shining out the need
Careless wave of a hand from the other side
Shining of the diamonds and beads

Eyes searching for that single soul
Who would buy his flowers away
Tomorrow is still to come
If only “today” could pass the day

Signals move the traffic
For him - also his life
Every single stop that the traffic makes
Are flickers of hope ripe

Awaiting the next lot to stop
That a red signal brings him some green
Been two days since the little one
Had some rice and water clean


Every day as I go about carrying out the everyday rituals of my life, I come across these cherubians on the roads, selling small bunches of flowers. Nice fresh flowers, wrapped in a thin cellophane paper. Not very intricately designed, but a bunch of joy none the less. They are red and orange and white or a milange. Everyday a new shade. But the only shade that remains unchanged across all days is the shade of struggle and misery in those innocent eyes.I buy a bunch when ever I get a chance. Not necesarrily will that note bring a massive change in that little one's life. But yes, it does give me a reason to smile when I see it reflect in his happy eyes. That can be called my selfish motive. Humans are selfish. Aren't they?

My shadow walks behind me
I get enveloped in the dark
Groping for support- unsure
My eyes get used to the difference - stark

Stumble a rumble- passed a mumble
Walking by the sea
Grains of time stick to my feet
Like a blood sucking leach

Waves wash away the footprints
No trace - who came and went
That I shall walk all alone
Till age makes me go bent

Tears frittered away by the wind
Dry salt on my cheeks
The cry of a night bird gives me company
‘Cos alone some where it shrieks

“Hindi Hai hum watan hai, Hindustan hamara
Sarey Jahan Se Accha”

My sentiment was reverberated in various forms across the country. Some danced on the streets, some had a content smile on, some went out and congratulated each other while some sat glued to the television sets all day on 16th May 2009. (And those who sulked- well, I was amused at their reaction)
The day when India chose to go secular and when the Indians did make every vote count.

Rahul Gandhi, the magician who turned around UP to his benefit not only helped Congress a thumping victory but also made the nation understand the potential in the future prime- ministerial candidate. Day before he declined the cabinet berth and opted to in- turn work for the party, strengthening it further which to me looks like the best move.

This triumph of Congress simply puts forward the following points:
1. India does not want to get divided into a Ram’s and Allah’s land.
In the words of Mallika Sarabhai, a famous social worker and dancer, the only question that Mr. Advani and his party asked every Indian was- Hindu or not? The party believed in “hindutva” rather than help build a “hindurashtra”. That a ram mandir be built after demolishing mosques.

2. India is ready to participate in honest politics.
Where the benefit of the “common man” is taken care of and not the elite. BJP’s India shining campaign spoke to the elite. And even this year the advertising campaigns only spoke of the negatives of other parties. Not a single mention was made of the tasks accomplished by BJP. Even if there was a mention, it definitely skipped my eye and ears. They were busy pulling down others while their own house was put on fire.

3. 82 years Vs 35-40 year old gentleman. Youthful cabinet Vs. knee operated and tired old people moving around with the help of attendants.
India is the youngest country in the world. Median age is 26 years. I can certainly say that a person of the age of my grandfather can not look towards the future with the same point of view as mine. Accepted they have experience, accepted that politics runs in their blood. But now is the time for a change. We have seen the nation in the hands of the older lot. Let the new one’s take the lead. Let them make decisions, let them learn, let them lead.

4. Sonia Gandhi, Dr. Manmohan Singh and Rahul Gandhi Vs. L.K Advani, AB, Vajpayee and Reddy
I would just want to say, that the partnership of Dr. Manmohan Singh and Mrs. Gandhi did work. Yes, the charisma of India’s favorite political family remains but the way nuclear deals were taken care of and the way economic downturn was tackled with the help of our finance minister Mr. P.Chidambaram there is no reason why people should ask for more.A person of Dr. Manmohan Singh’s capabilities would surely help the country prepare for both internal and international calamities. Rahul has shown the grit and determination of a leader which is quite visible with the UP results and also his decision of working at the grass-root level rather than choosing the cabinet.

All said and done, the task for the winner is also huge. The need of aliies like DMK and TIC is required too. The only thing is that together with their subordination to the Congress their regional interests will also be taken care of. The great recession and national security looms large. The Doctor has been voted back for a second term on the basis of the strength of collective leadership. Now the task of delivering to the expectations of people starts.

Would end the column saying –
“Hum Bulbuley hain iskey
Yeh Gulsitaan hamara”

Aur filhaal toh “bulbuley gunguna rahein hain"

You got the question right?
Did you?
How come – it’s not what I think!
How could you?

You are the same
Same old story on a new face
Tried to mend my life
Yet stuck in the same phase

Dreamt of new hope
Got rain from the other direction
The slant and ferocity the same
Holy crap- resurrection!

Drawn between yesterday and tomorrow
Color theme gray
Letting go my spirits un- attended
Please don’t let them stay!

“ Kal aage kya hoga,
Yeh darr tumhe hai na,
Mein aas-paas hi kahin hoon,
Itna yakeen toh hai na?”

“ Yakeen hai ki tum ho
Tabhi toh ye saans
Takra kar wapas aati hai,
Jo tum na ho toh
Sisak mein badal kar ud jaati!”

.................................................................................

“Teri har baat chup-chup kar, mere peeche aati hai,
Tanhai mein labon par, ek hansi de jaati hai,
Yeh ek pal ka lamha bhi khuda ka hai
Jisne tere mere milne ka bahana socha hai.”

“ Khuda bhi deewana tha,
Jo yeh bhool kar gaya,
Baithe- baithe humein
Is paheli ka hamsafar kar gaya
Ab toh lagta hai qayamat mein jaan hi jayegi,
Ke har din dum bhar bhar kar- Jee bhar gaya.”