Women, you really need us to listen to your problems. And when you don't get what you NEED...

The #1 key is Confidence. When you are confident, you are in control of yourself and your environment. You can handle anything thrown your way. Except ninja-stars. For that'll you need confidence PLUS excellent ninja-star dodging abilities. Serious Dating Advice + Seriously Twisted Humor.

Do you hate this, too?

A guy's feelings towards you -- much like his boner -- need constant visual and physical stimulation. Ignore the boner and it will shrink away, then eventually point in a different direction. Serious Dating Advice + Seriously Twisted Humor.

I felt really MANLY as I held on for dear life to the girl who was driving.

I thought this is how you please women...

How DARE he call you a name like that. You should call HIM over by yelling, "Hey toothpick d!ck! Come here! I need to pick something out of my teeth and your skinny little toothpick wiener is all that's available." Serious Dating Advice + Seriously Twisted Humor.

HogWild Idea #1... Musical Chairs! It's so boring to sit in the same place for 4 hours. It would be more fun if every few minutes, you had to switch seats. And when the music stops, if you don't have a seat, then you are OUT and you don't get any more food. Or love.

...this one kid almost decapitated himself on the monkey bars so...

As a kid he told me, "Thanksgiving is a holiday where we give thanks! To America's first President... Jesus Christ."