I've been back at work for a few weeks since the whole Emma ordeal and things have been interesting. My consulting biz is having a hard time rejuvenating itself. Opportunities present themselves for business, but each deal has fallen apart, which is a little weird. This obviously has had a negative impact on cash flow and my stress level. Neither of these two things I needed at this point. I'm sure business will pick up, otherwise I might have to look elsewhere to gain mula. Microsoft perhaps? I'm actually thinking about it, believe it or not.

Climb For Kids seems to be going ok, but I'm quickly realizing that a non-profit is as much work as a regular for-profit startup. The mechanics are different and so I feel like I'm learning a lot and also making a lot of mistakes. We've been able to secure 2 corporate sponsors, but we've had a hard time filling all the openings for climbers. That being said, I do have high hopes for the next level of the company. Some of these changes will be fun, others should really help the fundraising. In the meantime, I'm looking for a web designer, a fund raising strategist, and a PR person to help me. I've been kicking around the idea of a Christmas gala or auction to help raise money, but I have ZERO experience setting something like that up. Give me a shout if you want to help you can email me at info [at] climbforkids.org.

I feel great about the Climb For Kids climb next month. I'm in great shape and the other participants are really stoked. We do have one opening, so please let me know if you want to join us. 

OK, I'm about to actually create a business plan for Climb For Kids. I've done this before, so it should be pretty quick, however there are new things like sponsorship programs that I will have to sort thru. I will also need to create a real logo and I have very limited creative skills. Ugh.

 

My mountaineering training for this year's Climb For Kids climb (have YOU donated yet!?!?!) has me searching for the best day hikes that are fairly close to Seattle. This week I thought I'd look for something as good as Cathedral Pass, but in a different wilderness area. Thus, I opened my hiking book from the Glacier Peak region and chose the very first hike the book opened to, Nason Ridge Lookout via the Round Mountain.Trail.

This climb is not really THAT difficult, but it is 10.5 miles round trip and has few leg burner inclines. I won't rehash all of the details here, but the highlights for me were the fire scarred trees which resembled something out of a Tim Burton movie, beautiful wildflowers, and spectacular views. Seriously, I don't understand why this hike is not listed as one of the top 100 hikes in Washington. The views were just incredible and they never stopped.

The only problem I encountered, or I should say they encountered me, were the hoards of mosquitoes. Luckily for me I had 100% DEET which I applied liberally to my exposed skin. My lunch spot provided 360 degree views of the mountains, but it included plenty of pesky mosquito friends.

You can see the rest of the photos up on Flickr.

Yesterday I went on a solo hike to recharge my batteries. Every now and then its good to go out in the middle of no where and be alone with your thoughts. The spectacular weather took me to an equally spectacular part of Washington State known as the Alpine Lakes Wilderness. Everytime I visit that area, I tell myself I need to explore it a whole lot more. It is rarely crowded there and the views are amazing.

After scanning various books, I decided to hike to Deep Lake. The hike to the lake is 8 miles one way (disregard what the books say, the maps clearly show 8 miles) and it passes the beautiful Squaw Lake at 2.2 miles. From Squaw the trail continues upward to 5600 feet at Cathedral Pass, where you will find a magnificent view of Cathedral Rock and Mount Daniel. Mount Daniel is the highest point in King County. Had I brought my ice axe, I would have scrambled up the mountain or at least part way, instead I decided to hike 1200 feet down the 3+ miles to Deep Lake. 

The lake was amazing and the water crystal clear. I sat down and ate lunch after this long hike. Bugs were biting everywhere else but at the lake, thanks to a nice breeze. I was all by myself at the lake with breathtaking views. Wow. It more than made up for the 8 mile hike I still had ahead of me.

Well, I now I have another secluded spot to go hiking and camping, maybe I shouldn't have shared this with all of you. :-) 

 

Great quote from Amani... "She's huge and darling. "

 

Yesterday I headed to Pacific Raceways to catch the annual Vintage Auto Races.  The racing was a lot of fun and the fact they were celebrating the 60th anniversary of Porsche was pretty sweet too. More than half the cars out in track and in the pits were old Porsches. 

I was suprised at how much fun I had even though I attended the event by myself. I'll definitely be attending again next year.

Enjoy the photos!

 

You might remember that we recently took a road trip in an effort to understand Emma's tragic death and to search for answers why. As with each trip I've taken across the US, I stop at bizarre and interesting places to get the flavor of the region. While in West Texas, we stopped at the Loneliest Prada Store, outside of Marfa (really Valentine), Texas.

Well, yesterday, both Ellen and I received emails from photographer Danny Clark who visited the region a while ago. Danny was as mesmerized as we were about the randomness of the store, and he recently posted a blog entry about his visit. While he was there, he documented his visit with photographs, not just of the store, but of all the business cards as well.

Danny sent us a mail and he wanted us to add a comment to his blog explaining what we thought the Marfa Prada meant to us. Well, I can't speak for Ellen, but I will try to elaborate my thoughts here.

The store is a beacon of commerce where none is supposed to exist. Commerce that is fictious and meaningless in the grand scheme of life, but yet has value. The store encourages one to search their soul in order to understand how and why. This is not unlike our quest to understand my daughter's death. Neither the how's nor the why's are clear, but we are sure that something good has come from it. It is up to each of us to glean the goodness from this ambiguity and to tread through each day knowing that the real answers may never come. There is a certain beauty in this uncertainty. This beauty is what drives me forward.

As part of Emma's donation, we'll be placing a plaque on or by the new swing set.  It's turning out to be much harder to figure out what to say than we thought, so we'd love your help.

 The parameters:

• 10 words or less
• No "memorial language"
• May include one date

We'd love to get a Yellow Submarine and/or sunshine reference in there somehow, as well as her full name (Emma Joan Kowalczyk)

Got ideas?  Post them as comments or send them to emma@climbforkids.org.

When I signed the girls up for Microsoft benefits at the end of last year, I was offered the chance to get child life insurance.  I was leaning against it until I saw it was only a couple of bucks a month.  Given that I wouldn't even notice the change in pay, I decided to go ahead and sign up.  At the time I had no idea things could play out as they did, but the day after Emma passed away she let me know that she had a request for the money.

As you may remember from earlier posts, Emma loved to swing.  It was one of the things the nurses would pass on to each other to try when she fussed.  I was at Cowen Park with Matt, taking a walk, and saw a bench dedicated so someone.  Then I looked up and saw a couple of kids laughing and playing on the swing set.  I thought "Emma wouldn't want the bench watching the swings, she'd want the swing set". 

I've been working with the Seattle Parks Foundation over the last few months to see if Emma could donate a swing set to a park that needs a new one with her money.  They sent me a list of 2 parks initially, but both just didn't seem right - they were in rich neighborhoods in parks dedicated to people who didn't fit Emma's legacy.  I figured we were out of luck until the woman I'm working with wrote "We were going to suggest Lowman Beach Park, but a lot of extra work is going to need to be done before we can put in the new swing set, so it's much more expensive".  I looked up the park, and found that it was named for a teacher, and is right on the sound, with a view to the mountains.  I sat on it for a few days, saddened that the park seemed so perfect but we couldn't put the swing set there. Then I remembered something a friend wrote when looking for a place to live: "But my mother taught me that you're much more likely to get what you want if you ask".  So I wrote the woman back and asked for more details, to see if the project cost could be brought down at all, and offering to figure out how to raise more money if necessary. 

Last week I heard back, and they were able to bring the cost down such that Emma's money will cover it.  With that news, I decided we should go visit the park, to confirm that this was really where Emma wanted her swing set. I was going to visit over the weekend, but something hit me the other day when we were out doing errands and Matt and I decided to go over mid-afternoon. 

We got out of the car, and carried Ella over to the shore.  As we looked around, we saw a woman, wrapped in thin white fabric, lying on the rocks, being photographed.  We watched for a bit, then asked if she was being photographed for a special occasion.  It turns out she is 8 months pregnant with a little girl.  She showed us the multi-colored tutu she had gotten photos in, as well as the butterfly wings.  As we watched her get into the frigid water, we knew for sure this was Emma's swing set.

The work on the swing set should be started in the next couple of months, and when it's up we invite you all to come play on it.

As I mentioned in my eariler posts, my climbing partner and good friend Armand summited Everest this past month. Emma died while he was in Nepal, but I emailed him to let him know what was happeneing. I also told him Em would be looking over him during his summit attempt. He was able to read the mail but was unable to respond. Well, Armand got up and down safely and just sent me this photo of him from the summit.

Did you just cry too? I bawled my eyes out.

Congrats Armand and thanks Emma for looking over my good friend!
 

I drove as quickly and as long as I could over the last few days so that I could arrive back home in Seattle last night. As you can see from the map, I had driven over 9,000 miles during these last 4 weeks. One of the things that Emma taught me was to appreciate what I have and to focus my life on those things that are really meaningful. Well, Ellen and Emma's twin sister were already in Seattle and it was quite painful to be so far away from them. After 2 full nights of sleep, something just didn't feel right...

As you know I did stop a few places along the way with the most excitement being in Tornado Alley. You haven't really lived until you hear a radio announcer tell you to look for shelter.

Anyway, this trip was about Emma and trying to understand what she meant to me as well as Ellen and Ella.  I don't think we have any new concrete answers about why she died, but we were able to learn a whole lot more about her.

As you might recall, Emma was really the commander of our trip. Once we picked up her ashes in Seattle,  we knew she was in charge. She led us down the coast to Santa Monica to see her shine at sunset only to have her tell us that if we liked her at sunset then we should really see her at sunrise - so off we went to the East Coast. .

Emma's sister was no longer happy to be in the car, so her mommy and her decided to fly home from NC. The path home for myself was unclear, but soon I discovered that she would show me which way to go. From North Carolina, I had a feeling to keep driving thru the heartland of the US. As I reached St. Louis, I wondered if I was still on the right track home. Sure enough, the only break in the clouds that day happened exactly as I wondered about her. Funny little girl.

The quest home was starting to become boring and again I questioned what I was doing and then another sign, literally.... . This was becoming comical.

Finally, I made the last push home. On the last day, I was feeling exceptionally sad. It was now cold, it was dark outside, and the rain just kept coming. I couldn't bare to spend another minute away from Ellen or Ella, let alone Emma. As I started that day depressed, she had one more thing to show me. It was her way of saying thank you and it was just amazing. Over the horizon, shining over one of the gorges, was this amazing rainbow (same one seen above). It brought a tear to my eye, and I had to pull over because I knew it was her. It was incredible.

Well, I can say that this little girl has yet again taught me a lesson. For me, I plan to spend the rest of my life focusing on the here and now. It is only natural to dwell on what Emma could have been, but I owe it to her to not let those feelings consume me. I owe it to her to live this life in a way that enriches the lives of others. I owe it to her to be the best father I can be. I owe it to her to be the best husband I can be. I owe it to her to just be me.

Thanks Emma, I owe you one.

Today marks my grandmother's (my dad's mom) 90th birthday. Wow. We really wanted to stop by and personally wish her a happy birthday in Ohio, but the road was just too much on Ella. Anyway, we'll be flying out to see her later in the year.

She's always good for telling stories from the depression in Pittsburgh or informing us about relatives/friends who fought in the civil war. I'm looking forward to having Ella meet her great grandmother later this summer!

 

After a bunch of tornado warnings all around me, it appears that I luckily missed all of the tornadoes tonight. A warning is still in effect til 4:00 am. NOAA continue placed warnings for all the counties surround ours, but did not include ours. Whew. A little excitement to get the blood flowin!

If you've been following me on twitter, you'll know that I'm currently hunkered down in tornado alley, in Wichita, Kansas. Now we used to have tornadoes here and there in Ohio, but not like this. I've heard varying forecasts, but the surrounding counties all just had tornado warnings expire for the first of 2 storms. The second storm is imminent. The worst forecast so far has been tennis ball sized hail with 70 MPH winds, however its changing every few minutes.

Wanna listen to my world? Check out NOAA's streaming weatherband from Wichita.

It will be a long night watching the news and listening to NOAA.

 

We interrupt this road trip to point you to the Himalayas where one of my climbing partners is on his way to the summit of Mt. Everest. Everyone send good wishes to Armand as he tries for the summit. Let's hope he gets down safely.

You can follow his status on Alpine Ascents website.

It was a sad day yesterday as I bid farewell to both Ella and Ellen as they flew back to the West Coast. Ella was becoming too fussy and it was clear she had had enough of this driving around stuff. Thus, the two of them flew back and I'm happy to say they arrived in Portland without incident. They are visiting family for a day before driving back to Seattle. 

To overcome my sadness, I hit the road via the Hill Billy Express, better known as I-40 thru North Carolina and Tennessee. I left the last remnants of civilization back in Charlotte and detoured north to High Point to catch a glimpse of the odd bureau you see above. Then I made a b-line directly for Asheville, NC where I had a fried green tomato BLT with grits and a sweet tea at the Early Girl Eatery. Asheville is a great place, just don't wander off too far from the city. Unless you stumble upon this tiny little village just west of the city named "Emma". That was kinda neat.

The hills of North Carolina and Tennessee are indeed beautiful. This was my first time to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and it will probably be my last. I loved the mountains a lot, however once I hit Gatlinburg and Dollywood I almost cried. These rednecks have been given this amazing national park, and they dishonor it by creating these environmental travesties right next door. Dollywood is essentially Hill Billy Vegas without the casinos and Gatlinburg is just a nightmare... I mean, who wants a NASCAR museum and a Hard Rock Cafe butting up against this amazing national park. It totally blew my mind how these folks have squandered this gift. It was too bad, as I thought the park was awesome, but I just wasn't expecting this crap on other side of it. It was worse than Yellowstone. When will people learn to embrace these natural wonders instead of exploiting them.  OK, I'm done ranting and I feel better. I guess I just miss home.

Today, I'm off again on the Hill Billy Express to visit Memphis and the King.