Harrys overriding image of the opening ceremony is of sex crazed bell-ringing Lederhosen clad Germans:

Harry was surprised that the England team complained about the unsporting hot weather in the famous Frankfurt am main desert:

Harry has been extremely disappointed by the lack of really serious refereeing lunacy (so far*):

One of Harry’s main gripes is the indiscriminate glugging taking place and has come up with a more dignified solution:

Harry picks a fight with some big boned Brazilian munchers:

Harry is convinced that football is a simple game made more complicated by the demands of the advertising industry for ever more flashy and incredibly ineffective groovy moves:

Harry takes John Motson’s unique obsession with trivia to its logical and frightening conclusion:

Harry on football’s stereotypical view of German footballers as emotionless but incredibly effective automatons:

In which Harry, assisted by a group of German doctors, dissects the clinical efficiency of German penalty taking:

'Have we been here before?'