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Biting the hand that feeds IT

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:52:59 +0100

.::Brand new Star Trek prequel pics and trailer::.

What on Praxis were Paramount thinking

The eagerly anticipated new Star Trek film is set to enthrall some and enrage others with a young, spunky cast, vicious fights and sex scenes.…

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:35:24 +0100

.::Reuters yanks reporter from Sadville::.

Last one to leave, turn off the flying penis

Reuters has pulled its embedded reporter out of Second Life, it confirmed today.…

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:27:41 +0100

.::IT Crowd: spot Reg gear::.

Third series starts tonight

The first episode of the third series of Graham Linehan's The IT Crowd is on Channel 4 tonight at 10.00pm.…

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:33:17 +0100

.::Vote now for your top net neologism::.

Asshats, f*cktards and lusers - your time has come

Reader poll Ok, let's get straight down to it - below are the twenty contenders vying for the crown of El Reg top net neologism, as chosen by you, our beloved ~~commentards~~ readers.…

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:58:05 +0100

.::HP breaks Japanese excessive packaging record::.

Still destroying the planet, one big box at a time

Those of you who don't like trees very much will appreciate HP's continuing efforts to deforest the planet by using the maximum cardboard possible when dispatching items to expectant customers. Here's a big box the company recently delivered to loyal Reg reader Simon Lucas, who's based in Tokyo:…

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:12:37 +0100

.::eHarmony settles over same-sex dating::.

All's fair in love and court

Online dating service eHarmony.com has agreed to create a new website for matching same-sex couples, as part of discrimination settlement with New Jersey's Civil Rights Division.…

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:42:07 +0100

.::The Pope predicted economic Armageddon back in 1985::.

Italian pol says sub prime collapse all in the good loan book...

Pope Benedict predicted the current economic apocolypse back in 1985, an Italian politician has declared, suggesting that the Vatican may be the one global institution likely to make a killing out of Mammon's downfall.…

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:25:37 +0100

.::Beeb reprieves Xmas Top of the Pops::.

'Oh I wish it could be Christmas..' etc, etc

The BBC has quite righty done a U-turn on its shock decision to can the Top of the Pops Xmas special, and viewers will now be able to enjoy Fearne Cotton and Reggie Yates presenting the traditional count-down to the Yule number one.…

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:29:18 +0100

.::Oz driver pulled with todger in pasta sauce jar::.

Continued to crack one off 'while resisting arrest'

An Oz driver has been fined AU$600 for "offensive behaviour, resisting police and disobeying a police direction" after cracking one off into a pasta sauce jar even as coppers attempted to subdue him with batons and capsicum spray following a "slow-speed" car chase through Newcastle, New South Wales.…

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 13:08:56 +0100

.::German bawdy house offers free entry for life::.

Willing punters queue for promotional brothel tattoo

Cologne überbrothel Pascha has been surprised at the number of punters rushing to avail themselves of its free-membership-for-life promotion - unsurprisingly since customers have to have the knocking shop's name tattooed on their arm to redeem the offer.…

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 12:19:06 +0100

.::Hitler had one ball: Official::.

Other not in Albert Hall, however

It's official: Hitler really did have only one ball, confirming the suspicions of Brits who during WWII musically suggested* the Führer was a 'nad short of a full lunchbox.…

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:07:13 +0100

.::Homework late? Blame Russian hackers::.

Teachers wise up to tech-based yarns

Teachers are increasingly subjected to tech-based tall tales from students who've failed to get their act together in the homework department, the Telegraph reports.…

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:45:20 +0100

.::Tron sequel already in production::.

Arguably the most long overdue sequel ever

Tron - quite possibly the best example of a movie that could benefit from a legitimate sequel - is finally getting one. And who knew? A few dedicated - and better informed - film buffs maybe. But for the rest of us sci-fi supporters, certainly on this side of the Pond, it remained a secret.…

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:56:42 +0100

.::Smut email hubby claims iPhone glitch::.

Lewd snap 'accidentally' attached

A cheating hubby who apparently emailed the extramarital object of his affections a candid snap of himself via his iPhone claimed the whole thing was a glitch after his missus rumbled his dirty dealings.…

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:04:22 +0100

.::Kim Kardashian in Miami beachslapping::.

Shift your arse, love, we're trying to work here

Since Kim Kardashian is now officially El Reg's stand-in celebutard - assuming vital no-IT-angle-whatsoever duties whenever Paris Hilton drops off radar - we think it only right and proper to bring you news that the amateur grumble flick star had her not insubstantial derrière shifted off a Miami beach over the weekend after gatecrashing a Victoria's Secret photoshoot.…

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:12:30 +0100

.::Beeb gets its rocks off in Second Life::.

E-shag guide: First, buy enormous e-todger...

The BBC last week more than fulfilled its public service remit by exploring just how saddos can get their ends away on Second Life.…

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 15:38:12 +0100

.::El Reg seeks top net neologism::.

Pod slurping? Meh

It's come to our notice that you, our beloved readers, do take a close interest in the ~~destruction~~ evolution of the English language, as exemplified by the inclusion of "meh" in the Collins English Dictionary and the elevation of "wiki" to the OED.…

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:49:32 +0100

.::Chinese TV suspends footie coverage::.

Lads not giving 110% in the 'professional ethics' department

China Central TV (CCTV) has suspended coverage of a football league whose players appear to have learned their skills from their petulant European counterparts, the BBC reports.…

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:21:30 +0100

.::China clamps down on miming musos::.

Ministry of culture pulls plug on lip-synch

China's ministry of culture has announced a clampdown on miming professional musos, marking an end to lip-synching and fake guitar strumming, the Guardian reports.…

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:54:08 +0100

.::Unhappy people watch more telly::.

Financial crisis? Stick the idiot's lantern on

The University of Maryland has concluded that "unhappy people watch more TV", while those who reckon they're "very happy" tend to pass the time reading or socializing.…

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 10:54:25 +0100

.::'Meh' makes Collins English Dictionary::.

Whatever

The interjection "meh" has beaten "frenemy", "huggles" and "jargonaut" for inclusion in the 30th anniversary edition of the Collins English Dictionary following an invitation to the unwashed masses to submit neologisms reflecting the current state of play with our beloved mother lingo.…

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 13:37:45 +0100

.::India draws up own Google Earth plan::.

Space programme spin-off

India is planning to create its own version of Google Earth on the back of its successful moon mission.…

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:15:12 +0100

.::Texas cop tasers himself::.

Law enforcement fail caught on camera

This is short and sweet - big time law enforcement fail in Texas, courtesy of FAIL Blog:…

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 17:46:03 +0100

.::Nokia Siemens Networks in 'synergy-related headcount restructuring'::.

9,000 culled to the sound of whalesong

We're absolutely delighted to announce that Nokia Siemens Networks is in the final stage of its 'synergy-related headcount restructuring' in which a total of 9,000 workers are culled to the sound of whalesong.…

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:25:28 +0100

.::Geeks whup Marine ass in Call Of Duty 5::.

But military fights back in vid game debut bloodbath

The streets of San Francisco were yesterday awash with blood as geeks battled real-life Marines at the debut of Activision's Call Of Duty: World at War - an apparently unequal struggle which in fact saw one "bespectacled teenager" ice an entire elite Marine unit "without so much as straining a thumb".…

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 14:24:45 +0100

.::Arizona boffins get a grip on their newly-fat pipe::.

'Dark fibre' equivalent to 700 HD smut channels

Genetics boffinry IT chiefs in Arizona are overjoyed today to unveil their new and incredibly fat pipe, which will be used to transmit staggeringly enormous amounts of scientific data from the labs where it's generated to the supercomputer where it's processed.…

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 01:11:41 +0100

.::Anal whitening biz drops one million clams for Vibrators.com::.

'We draw the line at porn'

A tiny etailer in the suburbs of Detroit has paid $1m for the web address most conducive to selling vibrators.…

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 01:09:02 +0100

.::HPC data center glory? It's in the game::.

Everything but the homicidal IT admin

Most people's visions of data center domination need to be put on hold in today's floundering economy, but at least now there's a video game to keep the dream alive.…

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:07:18 +0100

.::Ode to the Phoenix Mars Lander::.

In your last dying throes/observed that it snows

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:26:23 +0100

.::Love bug worm inspires Asian film::.

Chick flick with computer viruses. Sounds truly dire

Asian film makers have completed filming about a movie inspired by the infamous Love Bug worm.…

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:41:11 +0100

.::World's ugliest mutt pops paws::.

RIP, three-legged, one-eyed hound of hell

The three-legged, one-eyed hairless Chinese crested known as Gus, and internationally famous as the world's ugliest mutt, succumbed on Monday to skin cancer at the age of nine, Florida's St. Petersburg Times reports.…

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:00:04 +0100

.::China to offer detox to net junkies::.

Recognises addiction as 'clinical disease'

China's ministry of health is set to recognise net addiction as a "clinical disease" and will next year formally define the condition, the Telegraph reports.…

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:21:24 +0100

.::Half of Brits abuse apostrophe's::.

Cant tell they're it's from their elbow's

Linguistic doommongers look away now: A survey has shown that almost half of Brits haven't got a clue how to use the possessive apostrophe correctly, with the most common lapse being the inability to "punctuate a possessive plural".…

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:41:32 +0100

.::Gary Glitter expelled from GCSE paper::.

Inappropriate 'related listening'

Convicted paedophile Gary Glitter has been excised from a GCSE music coursework paper which listed his glamtastic 1970 hit I’m The Leader Of The Gang as “related listening” to be enjoyed by wide-eyed teens.…

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 14:02:06 +0100

.::Replicating DNA::.

Digital watches and dolphins all round

Stob "Fans of Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy are likely to react strongly to the announcement that Artemis Fowl author Eoin Colfer has been given the green light to write a sixth book in the series" - El Reg…

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:14:34 +0100

.::iPod cans menace pacemakers::.

Bluetooth no heart-stopper, however

US researchers have warned that the magnets in iPod headphones and those used by other MP3 devices "may interfere with heart pacemakers and implantable defibrillators".…

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 17:07:14 +0100

.::Copper propositioned woman while 'on the job'::.

Pints all round for the Sky News cheap gag department

It's pints all round this afternoon for Sky News for its report into the case of the Hampshire copper jailed for having sex with two women while on duty.…

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 16:23:58 +0100

.::Swedish transsexuals offered prosthetic todgers::.

All well and good, but no wood

Free whitepaper: Prosthetic Penises in the Data Centre…

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 15:18:39 +0100

.::Lib Dem stripogram councillor quits politics::.

Finally shafted by Devon two Inches

The stripogram Devon councillor who last year provoked three members of her local Lib Dems to quit the party in disgust has herself stepped down from Bideford council, the Sun reports.…

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:00:11 +0100

.::BBC has newsgasm over Obama's dog::.

Goldendoodle or pitbull? Hmmm...

Those of you who believe the BBC is inexorably drifting away from hard-hitting, insightful journalism in favour of lowest-common-denominator populist piffle will be relieved to know there's still one reporter out there willing to file essential analysis of today's key issues.…

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:36:44 +0100

.::Gadget Show competition spews text spam::.

At £1.50 a pop

Gadget Show viewers were bombarded with text messages costing £1.50 each this week as the Five show's competition system went berserk.…

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:08:54 +0100

.::Serial commentard vents steam through ears::.

Aaron Kempf ♥ Sarah Palin — True

FoTW It appears that database guru and serial commentard Aaron Kempf is off his medication again, following a brief lull in which he apparently managed not to insult anyone over the interwebs and end up in court for his trouble.…

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:02:04 +0100

.::MP calls for Jezza Clarkson's head::.

Strumpet gag a 'dismissible offence'

Ipswich Labour MP Chris Mole has written a "strongly-worded" letter to the BBC's director general Mark Thompson demanding that Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson be sacked for suggesting that lorry drivers routinely kill strumpets.…

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:00:44 +0100

.::Is Sun taking open source a little too far?::.

Schwartz puppetry

Steve Gillmor, host of the ZDNet podcast called the Gillmor Gang, has managed to secure an exclusive interview with Jonathan Schwartz, Sun Microsystems president and chief executive officer. Or so it seems.…

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 19:38:22 +0100

.::Palin didn't know Africa is a continent, McCain aides say::.

Needed work on North America too

Sarah Palin raised a few eyebrows within the John McCain campaign because she didn't realize that Africa is a continent, according to aides whispering with a shamelessly right-wing news outlet.…

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 17:34:36 +0100

.::Cream drummer may flash ginger nuts in court::.

Baker prepared to strip in £30k fraud case

Veteran drummer Ginger Baker has declared he is willing to drop his trousers in court to prove he never got jiggy with a woman accused of defrauding him of £30,000, the Telegraph reports.…

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:32:39 +0100

.::Drunken Brummie hack resigns on YouTube::.

Two fingers to the Birmingham Mail at Florida Obama bash

Brummie hack Adam Smith earlier this week quit his post at the Birmingham Post and Mail, having evidently pondered his future at some length through the bottom a glass at an Obama victory bash in Florida.…

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:05:43 +0100

.::Spanish cheesemaker launches ovine Lolitas initiative::.

Adopt-a-lamb webcam plan

Spanish cheesemaker Quesería Artesanal de Sacramenia is offering aficionados of underage ovines the chance to adopt their very own lovely little lamb as part of its My Linda Ovejita initiative.…

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:13:11 +0100

.::Michael Dell, indie movie extra::.

Plays self in 'Sno Cone' flick

Maybe Dell's finances are being squeezed even tighter than we suspected.…

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 01:02:40 +0100

.::Fifty years later, steam appears on British railway::.

No. 60163 Tornado completes trial run

A Peppercorn class A1 Pacific traveled from York to Scarborough on Tuesday evening, becoming the first new steam train to run on Britain's railway since 1960.…