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 Biting the hand that feeds IT Copyright: Copyright 2008, Situation Publishing Wed, 03 Sep 2008 12:22:17 +0200 Chrome recruits Maximilian von HapsburgOur shock revelation yesterday that Google had redrawn the map of Europe to apparently cede several European nations to a Greater Germany provoked a flurry of comments suggesting what on God's Green Earth the search monolith was up to:… Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:25:37 +0200 Chrome redraws the map of EuropeWe've got some rather shocking news this afternoon for those of you who've spent years believing you're Austrian, Belgian, Danish or Dutch - you're not.… Tue, 02 Sep 2008 15:24:38 +0200 'Primeval physiological response' to luxury motorsIt's official: If you want to turn a woman on, ditch the Volkswagen Polo and get yourself a Maserati, which is 100 per cent guaranteed to get those vital testosterone secretions flowing.… Mon, 01 Sep 2008 15:28:22 +0200 Pre-engagement tumescence requires Singapore slingA Malaysian welder who tried to lengthen his penis by fitting a nut to it had to have skin removed and blood drained before doctors could remove the offending add-on.… Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:48:37 +0200 'Twas on the good ship Venus...NSFW Our shock exposé earlier this week of the Portsmouth Historic Dockyard poster campaign outrage promoted a provocative call to Vulture Central from one "Barnacle Bill", who claimed to have been party to the original promotion brainstorm which eventually led to the rather unfortunately accurate depiction of seafaring life back in the days of the tall ships:… Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:43:19 +0200 You - off that booth. Now.IFA Go here for an update to this story.… Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:46:50 +0200 Apple big cheese obit cock-upBloomberg yesterday dispatched Apple supremo Steve Jobs to the hereafter with a 17-page obit inadvertently published during an apparent update, Gawker reports.… Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:08:27 +0200 Rogue staffer tinkers with login trousersUpdated: Set yourself a rude password at Lloyds TSB, and it is just possible that you might find it changed to something politer. That was the experience of Lloyds customer Steve Jetley, who attempted to set "Lloyds is pants" as his telephone banking password.… Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:58:53 +0200 'Julie Moult is an idiot'A hapless Daily Mail hack's failure to understand Googlebombing has led to her becoming victim of her own twisted definition of the mischief-making practice.… Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:51:56 +0200 Rum, sodomy and the lashAvast there and unfurl the Twat-O-Tron ye scurvy landlubbers of Middle England, lest Portsmouth Historic Dockyard make barrel boys of ye all, damn their eyes:… Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:33:06 +0200 He won't be manning the switchboard, that's for sureChichester District Council has provoked the wrath of Middle England by suggesting to staff and members that the phrase "man on the street" would better be expressed by "general public", since the former is "based on the assumption that the world is male and makes the views or work of women invisible".… Tue, 26 Aug 2008 13:38:05 +0200 And percussive maintenance, evidentlyOur Street View spycar Google Maps Web 0.2 mashup has proved a spectacular success, with around 85 sightings to date submitted by sharp-eyed readers and 400,000 hits down there at the search monolith's cartographical tentacle...… Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:56:16 +0200 Sine qua nun?Updated! Father Jack would dribble into his drink - a rather open-minded Italian priest is running a beauty contest for nuns.… Mon, 25 Aug 2008 10:06:50 +0200 And the radio, and some tramsTV and radio were knocked out for a couple of hours in Switzerland on Sunday - after a squirrel got itself electrocuted. The trams stopped running too for a short time in Zurich, the venue for the squirrel-short circuit action.… Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:47:42 +0200 Tooled up to deliver 'justified yet merciful force'Cops in Clifton, New Jersey, earlier this week cuffed two ninja vigilantes dressed in black SWAT-style vests and carrying knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows, who were apparently on their way to deliver cease-and-desist letters to local drug peddlers, AP reports.… Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:21:49 +0200 'It's Rainham Sheds, hallelujah...'The musically-minded among you will be aware that we at El Reg have a soft spot for corporate anthems - especially those which provoke the desire to pull your teeth out with pliers.… Thu, 21 Aug 2008 16:49:17 +0200 'They'll never take away my typos!'Lady and gentlemen,… Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:49:56 +0200 Yes? Click here to prove itCompetition The revelation yesterday that some old timers didn't much like being portrayed as hunchback cripples on the UK's "Please don't run over elderly persons" road sign prompted the rather intelligent suggestion from some commenters that we at El Reg should offer a suitably non-patronising alternative.… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:49:27 +0200 The first day of the rest of my heroismAnd Ninthly Friends, fans, tireless proles who hope for just a taste of all I've enjoyed - I must bid you "goodbye" or at least "see you later."… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 18:18:49 +0200 HBOS boss connedUpdated Identity fraudsters have claimed the prize scalp of the chief exec of HBOS bank.… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:18:32 +0200 It's true, believe us...Ok, we apologise: Not only has this story got no IT angle, but it's not even a story at all, just a feeble excuse to run an extravagantly silly headline.… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:42:53 +0200 Barf, wind and fireA 12-year-old Tipton lad has demonstrated why it's a really bad idea to light your own farts in close proximity to a can of petrol, after he did just that and ended up with 18 per cent burns to his thumb and the backs of his legs.… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:26:02 +0200 Pot luck?A turtle with a GPS tracker attached to its shell has accidentally stumbled across a teenager’s secret horde of cannabis plants.… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:52:52 +0200 Upright send-off for murdered 'joker'A murdered Puerto Rican man who always insisted he'd like to spend his own wake on foot has been granted his wish after grieving relatives propped him in a corner of his house for three days while they said their goodbyes.… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 12:26:39 +0200 Bad news for 49,447 petrolheadsHaving given due consideration to an e-petition demanding that Gordo stand down and make way for Jeremy Clarkson as PM - a campaign which attracted an impressive 49,447 signatures - Downing Street has posted a response on its YouTube channel:… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:58:43 +0200 Warning: Patronised pensioners aheadCampaigning old timers organisation Age Concern is demanding the scrapping of the "Elderly Persons" road sign, which suggests that advanced years come at the price of a hunched back and a hobble to the shops propped up on a walking stick.… Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:57:28 +0200 Keywords no one bids on for a reasonMicrosoft Adcenter helpfully sent me a link to lists of low-cost keywords I could advertise on, categorised by sector, to “unlock new customers”. I had a quick look through the ’sport and rec’ list. Here is a small sample:… Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:37:18 +0200 Pre-match entertainment ends in 'major embarrassment'Burnley FC has suspended all pre-match entertainments at its Turf Moor stadium after a member of the elite Red Devils parachute team performed an unscheduled assault on the roof of the ground's David Fishwick stand, the BBC reports.… Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:01:53 +0200 They knew the risksThe long dry* summer wears on, rendering habitats parched and flammable as tinder. Pockets containing iPods are one such habitat and the annual outbreak of gadgetry-related conflagrations is under way.… Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:16:17 +0200 Saucy Spanish comic besmirches Snowy imageA salacious Spanish reinterpretation of a Tintin story has been yanked from bookshops as a yucky stain on the comic book character.… Fri, 15 Aug 2008 14:54:26 +0200 France's name is merdeFrance’s bid to have its cuisine listed as a world treasure has been dealt a blow after it emerged that a quarter of its restaurants break hygiene rules or serve up food unfit for human consumption.… Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:30:09 +0200 A facelift for Clue(do)American toy and game giant Hasbro has given Clue(do) an overhaul, murdering Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and the rest of the 60-year-old board game's famous cast of characters.… Wed, 13 Aug 2008 22:18:21 +0200 Click bots shovel stock into secret Swiss bankUpdate: After further investigation, it's likely the Google Will Eat Itself project is indeed ia hoax - though those behind it say that it's not.… Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:51:25 +0200 Building iBurnt, nobody iHurtA three-alarm fire scorched the roof and damaged offices at Apple's Cupertino, California campus late Tuesday evening.… Wed, 13 Aug 2008 12:51:46 +0200 Taxi drivers, PCSOs shocked by windowsill sex rompOldham council’s “preferred service provider” gave the whole community an eyeful when two members of staff serviced one another, unaware they were being watched by a crowd of 20 people.… Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:45:18 +0200 Gov pharmacy pushes dildos over plastic vaginasOutraged Swedish men are up in arms over the state run pharmacy Apoteket’s policy of stocking only female-oriented sex toys.… Mon, 11 Aug 2008 17:03:49 +0200 Booger cloner 'fesses up to being Mormon-cufferThe mystery that has gripped the world for days on end is finally resolved today as Bernann McKinney, keeper of cloned canids, admitted to being Joyce McKinney, molester of Mormon missionaries.… Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:44:24 +0200 Georgia on its mind. Just not the right oneGoogle may have plans to catalogue all the world's information, but it's found itself a bit confused between the former Soviet republic of Georgia and the southern US state.… Fri, 08 Aug 2008 13:42:05 +0200 Reg proposes McKinnon/McKinney extradition dealThe miraculous rebirth of Booger the pit bull has been overshadowed by a row over the identity of the cloned dog’s owner.… Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:03:26 +0200 'Project Beauty' for Nintendo DSPerhaps you've rescued the universe from marauding space pirates on your Nintendo DS — but can you save civilization from your own ugly face?… Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:21:17 +0200 Silkworms 2.0The Free Software Foundation is asking for someone travelling back from China to bring a small package back with them, presumably leading to some interesting questions at airport security.… Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:44:26 +0200 University lecturer waves through wonky wordageProof that the revised maxim "If you can't beat 'em, fuck it all off and have some pie" is increasingly the norm reaches us today, as a senior university lecturer throws his hands aloft and declares a spelling amnesty. According to the Times, Dr Ken Smith of Buckinghamshire New University* suggests a list of 20 common mistakes should be waved through as 'variants'.… Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:49:56 +0200 'Goons. Hired goons.'Much as we love our Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:46:31 +0200 'See you at the debates, bitches'Paris Hilton got astride the hustings in the US presidential election today, and redrew the boundaries on the previous front runners’ energy policies.… Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:38:01 +0200 Windscreen-licking Belgians barely escape GPS of DoomHere at Vulture Central we are connoisseurs of the hilarious near-death satnav blunder, which is to news as deep-fried jetwash poultry giblo-nuggets are to nutrition - disgusting, unsatisfying, the bane of society and yet snorked up in moments even by those who should know better. Today the wires bring us what may very well be the sidesplitting GPS human misery pratfall to rule them all.… Wed, 06 Aug 2008 13:20:25 +0200 White Rose to Windows in 11 generationsBill Gates has been revealed as an honest-to-goodness, Hovis-munching, hardworking Yorkshireman by the same Halifax-based geneaologist who previously claimed that George Bush and John Kerry are both secret Emmerdale watchers.… Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:21:34 +0200 Threaten to subject Pope to an inquisitionThe Knights Templar are demanding that the Vatican give them back their good name and, possibly, billions in assets into the bargain, 700 years after the order was brutally suppressed by a joint venture between the Pope and the King of France.… Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:14:39 +0200 All aboard Das BoobIn news that gladdens the heart, not to mention the boob, German police are being issued with bullet-resistant bras*.… Fri, 01 Aug 2008 15:32:28 +0200 Daily musings of mighty writer imminentGeorge Orwell's diaries are to be made available online as a blog, starting from next Saturday.… Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:38:09 +0200 Iron clogs stands firm over Knol.comA Dutch vacuum cleaner salesman is demanding a massive payday from Google in exchange for control of his company's web address, Knol.com.… |
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