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 Biting the hand that feeds IT Copyright: Copyright 2008, Situation Publishing Fri, 01 Aug 2008 18:09:58 +0200 Goodbye Cruel WorldFoTW It's ages since we saw any innovation in Flames of the Week. The noble art of the Hate Mail has been usurped by the Demented Comment. But here's something new. Someone who is so angry, they can't fill in their name properly in their email client.… Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:14:21 +0200 'We've already filled our giant robot quota'Comments Air travel was a major theme last week, starting with the news that the US is to require those travelling under the Visa Waiver Program to register their details at least 72 hours prior to leaving for the States. At present citizens of participant countries can enter the US without first obtaining a visa, but from January next year pre-reg will be mandatory. You lot took the opportunity for a good moan:… Sun, 01 Jun 2008 10:02:02 +0200 Hide your doodles!Comments On Tuesday the UK's electricity network was shaken by the failure of two major power stations within minutes of each other and a further seven succumbed as the day went on. The crisis is over, but there's chatter over power-rationing, only made stronger by these events.… Tue, 27 May 2008 14:53:25 +0200 And Vista begs you to understandComments A man dubbed "Leeds’s dumbest criminal" has been served with an ASBO forbidding him from posting videos of criminal activity on the internet. Andrew Kellett, 23, had been in the habit of showing off his exploits on YouTube, which made some of you wonder why he hadn't been convicted of the acts he seemed so proud of, and why he'd been effectively barred from providing evidence against himself.… Mon, 19 May 2008 15:21:24 +0200 Shareholders welcome their new overlordsComments It's been a while since astronauts were last in the public eye, but recently a bunch of them have been quoted as saying that aliens exist. Well, they should know, having undoubtedly exchanged glances with little green men through the windows of their space station. The government suppressed news of these encounters, naturally. Meanwhile the Vatican says there's no contradiction between the Christian faith and the existence of aliens. As we all know, the church is another big coverer-upper of uncomfortable truths, but it may be that their armour is showing a chink and this is damage control. Or maybe they're just hopping aboard the intergalactic bandwagon. Who knows?… Sat, 10 May 2008 13:02:02 +0200 Phwoar, pass us some lethal skunkComments Windows XP Service Pack 3 dropped this week, later than expected but finally here. This triggered an unending litany of cynicism and doubt from you. Keep up the good work.… Sat, 03 May 2008 11:02:02 +0200 While hobbits have a stab at freetard lurveComments The UK Criminal Justice Bill is quietly making its way into law, and its uncertain scope raises some worrying questions. Clause 63 of the Bill could criminalise viewing or owning "extreme pornography" - whatever that is. It's not made clear. This threat brought a lot of you out of the woodwork, with nearly 200 comments at the time of writing:… Sun, 20 Apr 2008 10:02:02 +0200 Supermarket sweepAndrew's Mailbag Britain's biggest shopkeeper is diving into digital music. And it's a much much bigger deal than we make out, many of you reckon. Although it's five years late, this may be good timing.… Tue, 15 Apr 2008 12:15:20 +0200 Grab an umbrella: it's global wetting, now...Andrew's Mailbag It's been a fascinating week for climate reporting and the BBC. On Tuesday, an astonished Jeremy Paxman was heard asking Global Warming advocate Chris Rapley on Newsnight to confirm that the Earth's temperature hasn't risen this century.… Tue, 15 Apr 2008 08:02:02 +0200 Read on, dear techie nerds...Comments In an effort to calm the European Union's anti-trust concerns, Microsoft has released 14,000 pages of coding secrets. The documentation for the first time publicly shows the underlying protocols for Office 2007, Office SharePoint Server 2007 and Exchange Server 2007.… Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:24:21 +0200 Relief for Ofcom, HighfieldAndrew's Mailbag At last, something that will cheer up Ofcom chief Ed Richards and the BBC's Ashley Highfield.… Sun, 06 Apr 2008 10:02:02 +0200 And mobe explodes teacherComments Distressingly-named Los Angeles law firm Kabateck Brown Kellner is suing Apple for "deceptively" marketing the new 20-inch iMac. This provoked a spray of Apple spittle from readers, and a bit of a tussle:… Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:02:02 +0200 And don't use a gun for home improvementComments Apple cocked up the licence agreement for its Safari browser by forbidding installation on Windows PCs. The EULA only allowed users to install the browser on "a single Apple-labeled computer at a time." Apple quickly changed the licence agreement to say that you can install it on "each computer owned or controlled by you." But it can't exist on more than one computer at a time. What fun. We've included comments on both articles.… Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:07:34 +0100 F***tard of the Week opens fireFoTW Readers aren't taking our use of the "Freetard" jibe lying down. The term was coined by Dan Lyons - (aka, Fake Steve Jobs - as a catch-all for F/OSS users. But it seems so much more apt for free content militants, who nobly refuse to pay creators for music, TV and film - as a point of principle.… Sat, 01 Mar 2008 10:02:02 +0100 Co-pilot slash BJ assistant 'very shocked'Comments A brash Cathay Pacific pilot has been sacked after an unauthorised wheels-up, low-level flypast in a new Boeing 777-300ER. Well, he did get permission from the air traffic control tower, but the sacking was based on the fact that he didn't get it from his employers. You lot had a good old argy-bargy over whether it was fair, and whether it was stupid:… Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:16:49 +0100 Counterfeit Ocado's finest, naturallyComments A particularly militant anti-smoker doused his girlfriend with the contents of a fire extinguisher on Sunday. The 42-year-old German lost it after his squeeze refused to stop smoking in his apartment. You applauded and derided him:… Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:04:24 +0100 Not much sympathy for the tubes operators...Andrew's Mailbag This week I described how amazingly vulnerable much of the British ISP business is. Vulnerable to botnets, hackers or fraudsters? No, nothing so exotic. A few people watching a bit of BBC on the streaming iPlayer may be enough to bring much of the business here to its knees.… Sat, 16 Feb 2008 10:02:02 +0100 And evades Heathrow plodsComments An illegal immigrant evaded security at Heathrow airport by having it away on her legs,. Later, she worked as a cleaner at the House of Commons. You cheered her on:… Fri, 15 Feb 2008 10:19:01 +0100 Nasty case of irony deficiencyFoTW It was sort of inevitable really, but our recent revelation that vegetarians are in fact nothing more than fanatical, self-deceiving, protein-starved perversions of nature provoked a rather angry response from one Rachel Astill-Dunseith:… Sat, 09 Feb 2008 19:04:14 +0100 Paying by the wordComments Swedish police are investigating a case of an open can of surströmming which was hurled through the bedroom window of a 52-year-old Motala man. The strong-smelling local delicacy has a deserved reputation as a potent biological terror agent, so the offence is a very serious one. Just as serious as the comments:… Sat, 02 Feb 2008 00:07:57 +0100 Save the world from the likes of Alicia SilverstoneComments Ryanair has come under fire from the Advertising Standards Agency for an ad featuring a "saucy schoolgirl". Despite being ordered to, Ryanair refused to withdraw the ad. You were disbelieving and appreciative:… Mon, 28 Jan 2008 16:03:28 +0100 No 'dwarven underlords' jokes, pleaseComments Alien hunters trawling NASA images for evidence of life have posted what appears to be a little green humanoid in a snapshot taken by the Spirit rover on Mars. The image has since been the focus of a great deal of debate, both informed and otherwise, and you lot were full of interesting theories:… Sun, 20 Jan 2008 02:10:10 +0100 Long legs and friendly bums appreciatedComments Polish limb boffins have concluded that 'perfect' legs are 5 per cent longer than average. They had volunteers rate silhouettes according to attractiveness, and found that a bit of legginess went a long way. Unfortunately for the lanky among us, however, limbs 10 per cent longer than average were considered even less attractive than run-of-the-mill legs. Kylie was inevitably trotted out as an example of top celebrity leg.… Sat, 12 Jan 2008 10:02:02 +0100 Getting drunk with horny elephants. What could go wrong?Comments Researchers at San Diego State University have found that, contrary to the general rule that men get more heavily plastered at parties, women tend to booze more if the parties involve sexual themes and fancy dress. Why? They don't know, but you all agree that they must have had fun trying to find out:… Fri, 21 Dec 2007 14:54:40 +0100 'Bugger off out the office'FoTW Oh dear, oh dear - it appears CNET's blogging pundits are not actually a legitimate target for us proper hacks, those of us who've done English O-Level and read a couple of novels.… Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:18:51 +0100 w00t!Comments Hello and welcome to the last comments roundup of the year. It's been a good one, with many wits and twits showing how wise or otherwise they are. We start with the latest news on a person who has become something of an institution around here (no, not amanfromMars).… Fri, 07 Dec 2007 17:55:06 +0100 Beast 2.0Mailbag When Eben Moglen tore Tim 2.0'Reilly to shreds onstage at OSCON in July, it marked a turning point in the Web 2.0 mania.… Sat, 10 Nov 2007 13:02:02 +0100 Butthash and flying cows insideComments In a possible bid for Mum of the Year (or the intervention of social services, depending on your views on such things), a Nottinghamshire woman sent a stripper to her son's school for his 16th birthday. So stunned was the teacher that she allowed the show to continue, as the boy was whipped and led around on a leash, until the stripper urged the boy to rub cream on her buttocks. The birthday boy then fled the scene. His mother maintains that she intended to send a gorilla, which in itself raises worrying implications.… Sat, 03 Nov 2007 10:02:02 +0100 And man's best friend goes in, guns blazingComments Boffins have dredged up what is thought to be the world's oldest animal - a 405-year-old clam - and rather satisfyingly named it Ming. Unfortunately the clam seems to have since copped it, but the culpable scientists hope that studying it will lead to a greater understanding of the aging process - good news for current and future cane-shakers.… Sat, 27 Oct 2007 14:02:02 +0200 While plods drop trousers, fine barmaid for breast extravaganzaComments A suicide squirrel, possibly trained by the sciurine arm of Al-Qaeda, dove into and destroyed a Toyota Camry. The critter bit through a powerline and was set alight, causing it to plummet onto the car. It then slid into the engine compartment and caused an explosion that did for the vehicle. In anticipation of Halloween, the house happened to have a tiny gravestone on the lawn, which the owners are considering dedicating to the tiny terrorist.… Fri, 19 Oct 2007 18:13:33 +0200 While Microsoft invades your brainComments Microsoft has announced its intention to try to read our minds. Saying it wants to better understand human-computer interaction, the mega-corporation has filed a patent for a psychic alternative to those irritating surveys no one likes. You were full of dystopian predictions:… Sun, 14 Oct 2007 10:02:02 +0200 A flying car? Your pants are on fireComments The flying car, that which we Reg hacks demand of all and sundry after a few pints, looks like becoming a reality. The Terrafugia Transition® is a bit more like a plane that can drive, but it seems to fit the bill anyway. You shared our excitement:… Fri, 05 Oct 2007 18:01:58 +0200 And plane wings are a little chilliComments Studious teens can now take a course in "alcohol awareness" and earn a certificate equivalent to half a GCSE. The exam appears not to include a practical section, instead focussing on the dangers of drinking to excess. Always willing to discuss alcohol, you bit right in:… Sat, 29 Sep 2007 11:02:02 +0200 And sex with hoovers can land you insideComments Ninjas have invaded Pennsylvania, and are holding up petrol ('gas' to their American victims) stations at swordpoint. Two female ninjas, that staple of the videogame industry, stole "cash, cigarettes and lottery tickets" from a terrified clerk. While the latter two items don't really fit the ninja mystique, that didn't matter to you. They are girls and they ninj:… Fri, 21 Sep 2007 17:47:56 +0200 As the BOFH battles the architectsComments We begin the weekly comments mishmash with a close look at fish sperm. Apparently there are many, many salmon farmers sitting around wondering what to do with all those gallons of salmon spunk they don't need. So to forestall them getting any bright ideas, a top light-emitting-diode boffin has announced plans to use it for a more efficient LED. The DNA in the salmon semen apparently traps electrons for longer than standard materials, leading to a brighter, longer-lasting LED. Naturally though, you identified the important issue: the spunk.… Fri, 14 Sep 2007 20:39:59 +0200 And idiots break themselves against martial artistsComments An armed robber, evidently going for the soft targets, attempted to hold up a karate school in the Columbian town of Bucaramanga. For his pains he received a dis-arming and further pain when the students "put their knowledge to use". A bit of practical experience probably did them some good, although the robber might have preferred to avoid it.… Fri, 07 Sep 2007 17:56:16 +0200 Just stick 'em in the giant pyramidComments: Toddlers have been banned from practicing yoga in a Somerset church hall, because the activity is "unchristian" and promotes other spiritualities. The interesting image of toddlers doing yoga aside, at least one of you dove straight into the gutter:… Mon, 03 Sep 2007 11:54:07 +0200 While rappers lick standard-issue grapefruitsComments Monks at the Shaolin Temple in China, highly incensed by an assertion by a Japanese internet user that a single ninja had once laid the smackdown on their greatest, have deployed a fearsome warrior lawyer (presumably trained to an equally high standard in both law and arse-kicking). They have demanded that the internet user "apologise to the whole nation for the wrongs he or she did". We suggested a pay-per-view "Battle of the Titans" between the kung-fu monks and Japan's top ninjas. This is a match made in Heaven for the many thousands of you who daily debate the merits of the two sides, even if it does lack pirates.… Fri, 31 Aug 2007 11:44:15 +0200 So, what's the velocity of a Welsh flame in a vacuum?FoTW Our recent piece of silliness entitled So, what's the velocity of a sheep in a vacuum? was generally well received by you, our beloved readers.… Fri, 24 Aug 2007 22:15:43 +0200 And stilted love scenes make us yawnComments Bad things have been happening to the male anatomy this week, with torchings and glueings being sustained. Well-known extensions (cars and guns) get a fair mention too. We begin with a sticky situation.… Fri, 17 Aug 2007 17:40:39 +0200 And dead men buy no ringtonesComments Friday is here again, and we begin on a pious note. Good news for the ostentatiously religious among you: Gold River Productions has come out with a Christian ringtones service. Fellow commuters can be treated to a reading of a bible verse or a Christian rock ditty, among other choices, and you might want to hold off answering the call so they can get the full benefit. Answering "HELLO? I'M ON THE ARK. NO, THE ARK!" is discouraged.… Sat, 11 Aug 2007 02:39:10 +0200 We're all too busy smirting to stop themComments Another week goes by and there are more lizards, more weapons, more examples of verbal silliness and, of course, more comments. Note: some comments are attributed to "Anon". This is shorthand and stands for "The Anointed One"; he who is all-knowing, all-reading and on-all-commenting.… Fri, 03 Aug 2007 21:46:15 +0200 And Google shows patent disdainComments The internet is a blight on our fair society. The iPlayer, viruses and The Register are testament to that fact. The Professional Teachers Association has voted to ban the internet and Wi-Fi from schools. It's a sensible proposal from a sensible organisation. You seemed to think otherwise:… Sat, 28 Jul 2007 18:49:13 +0200 But overpriced booze doesn't - honestComments It's been a fairly average week, with the normal crop of lasers, abnormal cranial conditions and massively overpriced drinks. We'll start with an iPhone article. Don't worry, it's the only one. A vulnerability has been discovered in the iPhone, and an exploit devised. There's been less of a row than usual, but it's still there:… Fri, 27 Jul 2007 11:02:51 +0200 Misplaced punctuation outrageFoTW Our stateside correspondent Cade Metz had until this week managed to avoid attracting reader ire and thereby becoming a fully-fledged Reg hack via the usual FoTW baptism of fire.… Sat, 21 Jul 2007 22:23:00 +0200 Does anyone have the young nympho's number?Comments The iPhone continues to dominate this week, with many comments telling us or fellow readers to shut up. Nobody seems to have any intention of doing so, which is as it should be.… Fri, 13 Jul 2007 19:22:49 +0200 Enough already!Comments It's been a particularly iPhone-strewn week, now that the Yanks have got their hands on the precious device, and the lovers and haters have come right out of the woodwork.… Fri, 29 Jun 2007 19:58:41 +0200 While Blighty faces new ArmadaComments Science, smarts and children seem to dominate this week. We hope you all had the smarts to avoid the following occupations. Noted science red-top Popular Science has published a list of the ten worst jobs in science. "Microsoft Security Grunt" made number five, but you had your own suggestions:… Fri, 22 Jun 2007 21:23:29 +0200 Rival wiki smackdown slated on World of WarcraftComments Happy Friday, everyone! It's time for another round of comments.… Fri, 22 Jun 2007 11:32:51 +0200 Battling tech support hero's right to replyOur recent piece on battling tech support operative Rufus, who called one customer a "pain in the butt", provoked a heated debate as to whether he should be put up against the wall and shot or appointed head of the United Nations.… |
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