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The Register
Biting the hand that feeds IT
Copyright: Copyright 2008, Situation Publishing
  Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:39:52 +0200

Hot Athens court action backs girl-on-girl

Lesbian activists from the sun-kissed Sapphic luuurv island of Lesbos have been roundly licked in their battle to prevent gay gals dubbing themselves lesbians, the Beeb reports.…

  Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:02:03 +0200

Stand aside, the Enormouse cometh

It appears techno-wastrel HP has been shamed not a jot by our previous report on its profligate packing practices - another sorry tale of conspicuous cardboard consumption has reached El Reg today.…

  Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:13:20 +0200

Johnny? We're sorry

The pitfalls of online shopping at the Evil Empire were revealed in their full horror to a monogamous South Yorkshire couple, who found 12 Mates condoms added to their Tesco.com shopping list.…

  Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:24:31 +0200

But which one has more apes?

In an epic, multinational sat nav cock-up, a Syrian lorry driver aiming for Gibraltar left Turkey and ended up in Skegness.…

  Tue, 22 Jul 2008 13:45:06 +0200

Crocheted Fuhrer bothers woolly thinkers

There's no easy way to lead into this so we'll just come right out with it - according to The Sun one can now obtain knitting patterns to create one's very own cuddly Hitler.…

  Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:41:44 +0200

Blighty bows to Johnny foreigner's 0.4047 hectares

The European Union has provided further evidence of its sinister plan to convert this once-proud nation into nothing more than a stuffed songbird-eating satellite of the Continent by "abolishing" the British acre, the Telegraph reports.…

  Fri, 18 Jul 2008 13:31:06 +0200

Takes one to know one

Linus Torvalds used his latest missive to the Linux Kernel mailing list to have a go at innocent Digg users - all in the name of getting the email more widely read, of course.…

  Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:27:25 +0200

17 boxes to protect 32 A4 sheets

We've just had an email from a shaken Stephen Strang who this morning took delivery of a very, very large box from HP:…

  Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:15:07 +0200

I feel a great disturbance in the Church

Those of you requiring proof that Oz's Anglicans are indeed a broad church should cast your eyes over this remarkable shot captured recently in Bondi, NSW, by reader Howard Owens:…

  Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:02:03 +0200

An LA Times picture exclusive

Thus it is recorded in the Book of The Times of Los Angeles: "And the Lord said: 'Let there be MobileMe. And there was not MobileMe. And the Lord looked down upon Apple's botched transition and saw that it was not good. And he then told Benny 16 to apologise...'"…

  Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:59:11 +0200

Outraged knife charities put their foot down

Nike has decided to withdraw its "Air Stab" range of trainers in the UK in response to "horrified reactions" from consumers and anti-knife charities, the Times reports.…

Counter-Orwellian mashup in a Web 0.2 stylee

Well, we at El Reg have decided we've had quite enough of Google's Orwellian Street View fleet - coming over here, invading our privacy, burning our petrol, and so forth - so we decided to nail the blighters to the search monolith's own Google Maps.…

  Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:49:29 +0200

Broken Home Hub shocker

BT customers affected by the dog-and-bone merchants' recent unconnecty unpleasantness will no doubt be pleased to know that it could be worse - the company is responsible for the traumatic break-up of at least one previously happy family.…

  Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:01:11 +0200

Hardy Haricot Verts

You thought Ubuntu Linux was bad enough, right? What with the freedom-loving Mark Shuttleworth behind it and all the peacenik developers. Baked Beaver and Stoned Salamander could only be a couple of releases away.…

  Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:01:31 +0200

M&S DD+ bra surcharge outrage

Enraged bearers of DD+ chesticles have launched a Facebook campaign aimed at shaming Marks & Spencer into dropping the ample Bulgarian airbag tax it imposes on well-endowed brassiere customers.…

  Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:06:58 +0200

US youth worship God through firepower

An Oklahoma baptist church has insisted it will proceed with its controversial plan to give away an AR-15 semiautomatic assault rifle* during a youth conference - a move described as "a way of trying to encourage young people to attend the event", according to local Koko 5 news.…

  Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:47:11 +0200

Sorry, sir, we're right out of Pekingese

The Beijing Catering Trade Association has ordered 112 official Olympic restaurants to pull dog from their menus, in order to avoid outraging the delicate sensibilities of pet-loving foreign devils.…

Oooh, lovely

A deserved pint for Tim Cuthill come pub o'clock this afternoon, who notes "the importance of titling on web pages and how these are displayed in the title bar of the browser window cannot be underestimated", as this fine example from a well-known UK broadsheet demonstrates:…

  Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:12:19 +0200

He cleared her garden - a frightening experience

We know that some of you were rather sceptical about the shocking tale of Kosovan loftdwellers, so let's see what you make of the strange case of the Lithuanian lorry driver and the Banbury garden shed.…

  Fri, 11 Jul 2008 12:10:34 +0200

56MB update adds five words to dictionary

We're very much obliged today to readers Hawkeye and Duncan Lilly for providing evidence that the Beast of Redmond's Vista is not the lean, mean fighting machine it really should be. Try this "important" update warning for size:…

  Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:36:51 +0200

Third Orwellian Opel spotted in Brum

Updated It's hats off this sunny Friday to spycar-spotter Andrew Peters, who's clocked a third Street View Orwellian Opel prowling the outskirts of Birmingham (here to be exact):…

Warning: May provoke uncontrollable laughter

Fans of artistic crimes against humanity foisted on an unsuspecting world by companies who really believe that setting their mission statements to music will result in something other than incredulous laughter will certainly enjoy this product pitch from lab tech supplier Eppendorf International:…

  Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:29:14 +0200

Fans of Watership Down look away now

Rabbit owners in the German towns of Witten and Dortmund are living under a pall of fear following the slaughter of 30 animals in a year-long lapine decapitation murder spree.…

  Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:17:25 +0200

Now that's what I call Mac OSX 14

Google appears to know something we don’t about Apple’s roadmap for its Mac operating system.…

  Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:35:49 +0200

Fanboys drop dirty bomb on collegiate dictionary

Worshippers at the altar of Jobs rejoice: Merriam-Webster's latest edition of its Collegiate Dictionary has embraced fanboys among more than 100 new entries gracing its updated pages.…

  Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:02:45 +0200

Caledonia falls to Orwellian Opel

Hot on the heels of reader Ziad al-Hasso's clocking of Google's Street View spycar in London, Scott MacLeod brings us chilling evidence of the search monolith's ambitions to expose the entire UK to international scrutiny:…

  Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:02:10 +0200

Rooting housewives invade Grass Roots Rugby

Shaken NZ sports fans have recounted how a relaxing Sunday afternoon in front of Prime TV's Grass Roots Rugby turned to horror and disbelief as they were treated to three minutes and 50 seconds of rooting Desperate Black Wives 2.…

  Fri, 04 Jul 2008 17:20:04 +0200

Photoshoppers, pick up your brushes...

Competition More than a decade after it crashed and burned so spectacularly, WiReD - the house magazine for the Children of the Corn - is returning to the UK.…

  Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:22:18 +0200

And be damn grateful about it, worms

Well, I was actually hoping to spend this Friday performing my usual duties, perhaps enjoying a little light banter with my colleagues, and then sauntering out at lunchtime to get society-endangeringly drunk.…

  Fri, 04 Jul 2008 12:58:16 +0200

Corporate Rainmen avoid panic attack over word count

Google has finally added a link to its privacy (or lack thereof) policy on its homepage following pressure from privacy advocates.…

  Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:36:12 +0200

Cue Aunt, cue Agony

Those among you who are still adrift on the sea of life - despite our resident Agony Aunt's best efforts to guide you to the shores of sanity - will be relieved to learn that the Moderatrix has once again opened the door of her basement boudoir to offer spiritual succour to the needy.…

  Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:24:54 +0200

Lock up your daughters

It's time to lock up your daughters, and here's why: The roving spycar of Google's Street View has been spotted prowling the mean streets of London...…

  Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:47:33 +0200

Cracking stuff

LogoWatch exclusive We're absolutely delighted this morning to bring readers concrete proof of the Office of Government Commerce's rebranding folly, in the form of this splendid mousemat:…

One less thing to strip down at the airport

US airline travelers may have an opportunity to skip one particular round of manhandling by Transportation Security Administration agents this year.…

  Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:56:17 +0200

You got a permit for those, mate?

A wandering Frenchman came to rue the day he ever attempted to get his two asses into Sweden, after customs officials demanded a veterinary examination of the pair costing €250, the Local reports.…

Black box for the kids

A new device called the Tiwi offers to spy on your children's driving by reporting their speed, manoeuvring, acceleration and even if they're wearing seatbelts, so the little blighters will be too scared to move by the time they're 18.…

  Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:16:54 +0200

Feral youths mug Middle England

It's with a chill in our hearts that we report today that the Telegraph appears to have succumbed to the inexorable rise of the Twat-O-Tron - originally designed as an automated "unholy turdspurt" generator based on real insights down at the BBC's Have Your Say.…

  Tue, 01 Jul 2008 12:28:13 +0200

From Denmark...

A 78-year-old Swede has earned himself a place in hard-drinking lore by attempting to row home after a robust session in the Danish town of Helsingor - an ill-advised venture since it involved a 5km (3 mile) paddle across the Oresund Strait to Helsingborg.…

'I'm sure it will happen'

Sir Clive Sinclair yesterday pretty well put the kibosh on the possibility of humanity ever getting behind the controls of a flying car by declaring them "technically entirely possible".…

By the Lord Harry, etc, etc

French historians are risking a visit by gunboats bearing the white ensign after declaring King Arthur an English legend promoted for "political reasons".…

How short is he?

Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer has sued TMZ.com for $20m, after the online celebrity gossip rag posted a sex video in which the 2 foot, 8-inch actor sticks it to former girlfriend Renae Shrider.…

  Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:09:16 +0200

Crowned European champions, despite ministerial voodoo

Spain is this morning in a state of (hungover) shock after its footballers were deservedly crowned European champions - despite the presence at the clash with Germany of prime minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero.…

OS/2: The final insult

Some of you may have noticed that Bill Gates is hanging up his Microsoft Professional Developer’s Conference 1998 briefcase for good today.…

  Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:23:23 +0200

Acrimonious divorce now with added acrimony

The British former actress who wowed cyberspace with her no-holds-barred YouTube assault on her estranged hubby has been hauled before a New York court to answer for her ranting.…

  Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:22:52 +0200

'Potentially offensive'

North Carolina is offering 10,000 vehicle owners whose licence plates contain the "potentially offensive" combo of letters "WTF" the chance to replace them for free.…

  Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:38:19 +0200

'Why not put the girls to work?'

NSFW It's hats off this sunny Friday to US hackette Adrienne So of Washington Post tentacle Slate, who earlier this week pondered the delicious possibility of the jub-powered iPod.…

  Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:04:16 +0200

Hard time for hardened furniture worrier

The Ohio man caught on camera having sex with a picnic table has been jailed for six months, NBC reports.…

  Thu, 26 Jun 2008 12:43:34 +0200

Censors mum's birthday cake surprise

Mum Gail Jordan's amusing plan to celebrate her son's 21st birthday by presenting him with a cake sporting a snap of him as a bare-cheeked bouncing baby came off the rails when Asda staff declared the image "pornographic", the Telegraph reports.…

How to beat air rage, man

A pro-marijuana group has come up with an ingenious plan to combat air rage - let passengers skin up before flying out of Denver International Airport (DIA) which has become "a hot spot for arrests of drunken, unruly airplane passengers", according to the Denver Post.…

Rights? You don't have any rights

Our recent piece on the terrorist paedophile bus-spotter driven off the UK's streets by public and police hostility prompted a certain amount of speculation as to what exactly are your rights when you whip off the lens cap.…


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