I'm jealous of every man not married to you.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I never think of myself as an icon. What is in other people's minds is not in my mind. I just do my thing.

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.

Wedding: A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.